It is heart-wrenching to be writing this down. We lost our baby at 8 weeks.
We went for a scan on Monday and there was no heartbeat, no baby, just an empty sac measuring 6 weeks. My hcg levels were still increasing but nowhere near enough.

I had a d&c on Tuesday. DH really wants answers so we are having chromosome testing done on the baby to see if there is anything that we should do differently nxt time. the d&c was okay, but I cried for most of the day.

I go through waves of sadness. I am sad all the time, but there are moments of such intense emotion that I end up crying into my blanket. It doesn't need to be a specific though or thing that sets me off. Just the knowing that I was growing our child and now it is gone.

It's not just the loss of the baby though. We used our last embryo with this IVF transfer. Now we have to start the whole process again. All the drugs, the invasion of my body, the possibility of hyperstimulating like last time, the not knowing whether or not it will work. What if it takes another 8 IVF cycles for me to fall pregnant again? That's what it took this time. I don't have another 8 cycles left in me. We don't have the money for that either. I have three, maybe 4 cycles left. And what if that isn't enough? What if this is my only pregnancy, and my baby is gone forever.

My poor baby Vanilla. I love you so much and wish you were still here with Mummy and Daddy. You are my forever baby, and I will always love you and think of you.