Waiting for my baby to miscarry

[hopefulone]

I am so sad.

having been through failed ivf cycle last year we were absolutely stunned to find out on christmas eve that we had fallen pregnant naturally.

with phone support from the newcaslte office of sydney ivf we did all the tests and confirmed the pregnancy and monitored the beta hcg levels - all of which were going well.

Had the 6 week scan to check for ectopic (i have only one very dodgy and scarred tube) - all clear baby in the right spot.

then our local clinic opened and we went to have our 8 week scan and found that there was no heart beat and only very slow growth.

we were told that the baby was no longer viable and that i could expect to miscarry some time in the next month! or i could have a d&c if i wanted.

i could not even listen - 2 years of trying - of operations, fertility drugs, ivf - of doing absolutley EVERYTHING right - and this is what happens.

i am so exhausted. i feel like i have nothing left. it has now been 5 days and nothing - not one spot of blood, not one cramp.

i keep asking my dh if they could be wrong. he is a doctcor and even he says no. i get really angry at them all.

my dh is away working at a hospital looking after other people when all i want is for him to be here looking after me.

I feel lost and alone, i want to know how long it will be before it happens. i need to know. rationally i know that there is no answer - but emotionally i just cant deal with that.

to make matters worse i had a car accident yesterday and got so hysterical that i could not speak.


i know there are no answers - i just needed to tell my story, our story, my little ones story.

i dont know how long i can wait. i think the weekend will see my emotional capability out.

and yet i dont want to have a d&c - what if they are wrong.
and even if they arent wrong and the baby cant live - i dont want to be a part of ending my pregnancy.

[Arimeh]

I'm so sorry for your news.. just wanted to give you a big and let you know that you are not alone. Feel free to share as many feelings and your "story" as you need to. Best of luck for the future.

[Lissie]

Hopefulone,
I am so so sorry for your loss. I have no answers for you but i know what you are feeling. I wish i could fix this for you and take the pain away but i know i cannot. I for you and you lost angel - be kind to yourself sweetie. Thinking of you.

[MrsFabuloso]

Oh Hun, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is so sad.
My dr told me to wait until my second baby m/c at 11wks, I had no hb or anything either. I waited for 2 wks and just couldn't do it anymore. I had slight spotting, but nothing substantial. I ended up asking for a d&c. I had one last scan and confirmed that my bub was no longer. It was painful to go through it all agian, but I figured it would be worse to wait even longer wondering 'what if...' which is what I was doing even though I was told in no unertain terms that there was no chance of a viable pg.
Only you can know what to do it is your body and your sanity in the end. Maybe you should tell your DH how you feel about wanting him around for a few days? At least you will have more support maybe can take your mind off it a bit?

BIG :hugs:

[cherie26]

I am so sorry for your loss.
It is truely a sad and hard process to go through. I opted for a d&c from my obs suggestion due to bubs size. I to had that feeling what if they are wrong but I knew when I saw no heartbeat on the screen and I was spotting. Micarrying naturally can be fast and can also take some months to complete so only you know what your body is up to doing. I really hope that everything works out for you soon.
Take care

[Katiegirl]

Hopefulone, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. Make sure you ask for help when you need it, especially let your DH know that you need his support more than ever. I will keep you in my prayers and ask that the next few weeks are kind to you. Feel free to grieve for your lost child. If nothing else, know that you can always come here and to talk to us, as we all understand the difficult journey you are on.
Take care and big hugs.

[hopefulone]

Thank you so much for you kind comments, it really helps to have your validation.

what is going on feels so invisible - and so discounted - it feels like i am in a bad b grade movie in a time warp - everything is going so slowly.

kellieem - i think your idea is good. i think i will ask for another scan before i go in and have a d&c next week. i just cant do it with any doubts that they might be wrong. even though the chance of that is so small - especially as i can feel my body 'giving up' on being pregnant. ie no more sore boobs, no more nausea etc - i am angry with my body for that - it is all i have left to 'feel' pregnant.

my dh committed to this locum the day before we found out about our baby. he tried to get out of it - but couldnt - if he didnt go there would be a whole town without a dr for the weekend - he will be home on sunday - i hope it doesnt happen while he is away. i cant wait for him to come home - i need him to be here so we can make the decision together.

.x

[Kitt3n]

oh you poor thing - i really feel for you, its so so hard.

try this website, it helped me when i was waiting:

The Misdiagnosed Miscarriage Site

[Megsie1977]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think the waiting is the worst torture on top of all your grief.
I had a D&C last weekend after waiting a month for things to happen on their own, it was unbelievably difficult to wake up every day and wonder if this was the day "it" would happen. In the end it was sending me crazy and I asked for the surgery.
In saying that, I think the time I waited also helped me to come to terms with what had happened so that when I finally had the D&C I was kind of ready. Sounds a bit strange.
Either way I think it's very important you have another scan to be sure, it might also give you some idea of what's happening inside when your body's not giving you any clues.
Please take care of yourself, do visit that website Catrionalee mentioned, I also found it helpful when all I wanted to do was read about how other people had coped. It also gives you some detailed stories of the process of miscarrying which can be difficult to find.
Be kind to yourself and take the time you need to get through this. My thoughts are with you.

[~TT40~]

big hugs!

[Shan]

huge hugs for your hopefulone. A m/c is a horrible, horrible thing to go through. Like the other girls said, be kind to yourself, cry, scream, yell whatever you need. I found talking about it helped alot and explained that to my DH (he tends not to talk alot about things) so he listened.
I to kept hoping that the dr's had got it all wrong and that my baby was still living inside me. I insisted on getting the blood tests to check that my homone levels were not increasing over a few days which helped me with my decision on the D&C.
Am thinking of you.:hugs:

[tempus moriendi]

I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. You must feel like you're in limbo, neither here nor there and just waiting for something to happen. The ladies here have all been through similar situations, so if you need to talk, come here.
I'll keep you in my prayers. Sending a cyberhug.

[hopefulone]

Hi Everyone
thanks for you messages - they are so comforting to read.

i have decided to have another scan next week - then if things are worse - meaning the baby has gotten smaller - then i will go ahead and have the d&c

other than that i dont know - but at least i feel like i have half a plan.

if the baby is really not viable it should be getting smaller - so that will help me feel comfortable in making the decison to end the pregnancy.

if there has been any growth than i think i will wait.

but that is just what i think today - i am an emotional rollercoaster - it sounds so terrible but i worry about how long it might take if there is no hope - because we want to try again withh another ivf cycle.

this is such a long hard road at the moment ...

.x