Work after miscarriage

[bellsbaby]

Hi there,
I had my first miscarriage at 10 weeks and decided to have a d&c and thought I would feel better after the procedure. I felt really awful mentally and couldnt even cry for days then the flood came. It has been reassuring to read others posts to know that many are in the same boat and feeling the same way.
I am having real trouble with going back to work (I work in the maternity field) some of my friends including my partner are very sympathetic and tell me to take as much time as I need. I just feel that others are thinking I should be back at work and dealing with what I have been through better than I have.
At what point am I supposed to be normal again?
Cheers

M/C 14/2/08 Billy

[Leemar]

I am sorry for your loss. Sometimes I dont think there is a normal we just try to do the best we can to move on.

[~StarBright~]

Oh Bellsbaby, hugs to you for your loss :hugs:

I would listen to those who are supportive like your DH... take as much time as you can!! I can only imagine how hard that would be to go back to a maternity related job- for me it was bad enough going back to the pub i worked in.

There is no right or wrong time to "get better" and some will say, you will never be the same normal again, just a different kind of ok- does that make sense? Emotions run very high at times like this, and for a long time you will be reminded of your loss, due dates and angelversaries and memories, they never go away, we just deal with them easier, and it takes time.

From your sig i can see you only just lost little Billy, and so it is very normal to still be sad, dont worry about the people who think you should be "getting over it" right away, your body is still adjusting and your emotions will take as long as you need.

Stick with the people who are supporting you, and the best advice i have heard, is "Cry when you need to, Scream when you need to, and Smile when and only if you feel like it" You cant rush your healing by pretending everything is ok, just go with the flow of your feelings, and the cloud will lift in time.

Take care
xoxoxoxox
StarBright

[ferret]

I'm back at work but I'm in a VERY different field to yourself and my work seems to have a "don't ask, don't acknowledge policy" (they know what happened). I guess that comes with it's own kind of hurt.

Take as much time as you need. My feeling on this is the hurt doesn't go away and we'll probably never be back to "normal". Just take each day as it comes and one day, maybe we'll turn a corner.

I keep being told (by other women who have been through this), being pregnant again helps and I am driving myself insane with that need. But as I posted in a different thread, just hearing about a co-workers pregnancy has made me incredibly upset so being in a maternity ward would be quite painful.

keep talking about it with those that will listen and keep hoping for the future.
All the best, Natalie

[Kitt3n]

Oh bells, my heart goes out to you.

Truth is you will never be "normal" - there will always be a precious little part of you that you never got to meet.

There is no "normal" for "getting over" a miscarriage. I still have breakdowns and sob for hours on end sometimes.

Its no-ones business as to how long it takes you to face work again, you need to take all the time YOU need, not what anyone else thinks you need. No one else can understand exactly what you are going through!

With my last mc i took a week off and then went back to work - only to have a few days off again about a week later. I just couldnt handle it - especially with so many happy pregnant women around!

And i am sure i will have a few days off in June (for both of their due dates) i dont think i will be able to be bothered with anyone at that time. June would have been my first mc's 1st bday (8th) and due date for my second mc(15th). I dotn expect ill ever get over that.

Just cry, cry, cry, cry, and when you are ready, face work. But dont put expectations on yourself that you have to be back at work, period. you can alwasy take more time off if you need it. Even if you go home halfway through the day that you were supposed to go back!!

Big hugs, sending you all the strength i can muster.....

[Natty]

I found out that we had a missed miscarriage on the 4th Feb (Monday), had a D&C on the 5th Feb (Tues) and returned to work the next Monday. In retrospect, I should have had a few days off as I work in a hospital with a large maternity section and seeing pregnant women and newborn babies everywhere did my head in for several weeks (actually it still does!).

If you can take the time off I would take it especially if you have the support of your DH. It is important right now to be extra kind to yourself especially if you are working in maternity.

Sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts are with you.

[Dezzy120]

HI Bells sorry for your lost i suffered a miscarriage on feb 3 and had d&c on the 4 and its very hard but with lots of prayer im getting through my dh also told me to take as much time as i needed off and stilled havent went back to work and not scheduled to go back until may 1

[tempus moriendi]

I'm so sorry for your pain and sadness. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Personally, I think you're very brave for going back. I'm a nurse, too, and the last thing I'd want is to have to see other happy moms and babies. I know how that sounds, but it's how I'd feel.

In a sense, MC never leaves you, you'll always remember. But you will feel interested in life again someday, on your own timetable.

If you need to rant, come here because we all understand what you've been through.