Youch!

I hope that the surgery means that you are feeling better physically.

I noticed you mentioned Zachary would have been 3 months old recently. I am glad you have brought it to our attention as it is important to keep intouch with people when you are feeling low. 3 months is a huge milestone isn't it. I bet it still really hurts that he is not here, just as you said. I imagine that those friends of yours who have recently had babies would more than understand how you are feeling. I am sure they do not begrudge you feeling guilty that you are not able to share their joy as they would most likely feel exactly the same way if they were in your situation. I know that I would (and do) understand. I think that you have a few free passes up your sleeve to just feel exactly as you need to at the moment.

How am I? Not bad I guess. Life presents its ups and downs on many different levels. I wont bore you with the details here and now, but suffice to say, I am keeping my chin up.

I wish you and your husband the very best if and when you decide to try to get pregnant again. Zachary can take on a new role of being a guardian angel, both to you and your husband and to any potential siblings - what a lovely thought!