I read the whole post and i really feel for you. I don't think your parenting has affected his behaviours, all children are different even those with the same parents.

I don't know where you are but Maquarie Uni in sydney runs special clinics and groups for anxious children, I have had a boy in my class go and it really helped.
I would try to contact a university near you for advice. I have a friend who works at maquarie in that area I can ask her if there are similar things in other states if you like??