My Dad has aspergers, and we are yet to find a blood relative of his (including myself and my DD) who DOESN'T have some traits of autism, and many of us are on the spectrum. As it turns out DH seem to be an aspie too!

My friend's little boy is in the middle of being assessed for developmental delays and autistic traits. He is the same delightful little boy he always was (in fact he and i get on great because i REALLY get why those cars need to be in a line, in the correct spectrum order, and of course in order of size! LOL) and his assessment is only doing helpful things for him, in terms of how those around him are now able to help him where he needs help and understand him where he needs understanding.

I'm so sorry the other boys made your DS do what he did in the toilets. Being autistic, you kind of take people at face value. The filters that most people seem to be born with which say "that's a lie" or "question this situation" are patchy or missing. And it can be really difficult when someone is saying one thing but their face or body language is saying something else to figure out which is true, and because words are more concrete they seem to win out a good bit. Logical sense is comforting and illogical things can feel frightening and difficult.

DH and i were looking through some emoticon-type cards recently which our friend's son had been given and we were both shocked that even as normally-functioning people we could only concretely pinpoint what about 15-20% of the expressions on the faces meant, and some of those we "know" because we have learned them through internet use, not because we recognise them.

It's scary to take a breath and think "we need to do this now" but ultimately it doesn't change your son, it only tells you a little bit more about him. We read a novel recently "the curious incident of the dog in the night" which is written from the POV of a teenager with autism. It's not written BY an autistic person, but it does give a handy insight into how the world can look from inside an autistic-type mind.

Bx