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Thread: Advice on being forced to use a Chinese name

  1. #1

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    Default Advice on being forced to use a Chinese name

    Hey everyone...

    My baby boy is due late November and DF and I have already chosen the name Jamie Spencer. Only my DF is Chinese and his mum wants to give bub a Chinese name.
    Im not sure how i feel about this... i mean, i wanted him to have the name that i picked and that was all, but is it disrespectful to tell his family no?
    They not only want to have a Chinese name on bubs birth certificate, but they want to have a proper Chinese name picked out in which they will call the baby... im not really comfortable with this... I have chosen his name and that is what i want him to be called... is that unreasonable.

    I'm also being told that if i have to have a c-section that i have to book it for the day that they are told by a fortune teller for good luck.



    Has anyone else had experience in this type of situation.. families and cultures and whatnot? Or know someone who has been through it? im really stuck on what to do, because i dont want to be disrespectful and do far have just nodded my way through the conversation, but at the same time i believe that he is my son and i should get the say, not them (as long as DF agrees of course)

  2. #2

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    If DF is on your side then stick to your guns & tell them to butt out.

  3. #3

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    i havent been in your situation but how awful!
    IMO its your baby not the in laws, despite whatever traditions they may have its not what you follow and your partner knew this when getting involved with you so he should be fingers crossed on side.
    Good luck i hope it all goes well, maybe he could have a chinese nickname

  4. #4

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    It is definately your decision! However could you maybe use a chinese name and have a 2nd middle name? That may be enough to keep everyone happy. I'd be talking to your DF though to see how he feels. But sorry I don't have any actual experience with the cultural aspect of naming.

  5. #5

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    If you are not comfortable then I think you should say no, but how would you feel about compromising with a Chinese middle name, that your IL's can call your son?

    At the end of the day though, it's your son and the decision on what to name him should be yours and your DF's alone.

  6. #6
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    If your DF is on same wave length as you re name, I would get him to speak to his family.

    Maybe they can pick a Chinese name to call him BUT it will not be official on birth certificate more of a family nickname IYKWIM.

    Good luck

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    Families can be tricky to navigate, particularly when cultures clash. The really important thing here, as Efjay says, is to have DF on your side, agree (just the two of you!) on what you want, and then stick with that.

    I can't tell you what to decide, that's up to you and your DF (as the parents), but I can tell you that this will probably set a precedent. If you allow your DF's family to push you into a decision you're not happy with, they may expect to be able to do that about lots of decisions. Not to mention that it could cause problems between you and DF if you feel he's not putting you before his family. All I can urge is for you and your DF to be on the same page here, and stand together.

    All the best. xo

  8. #8

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    Hi there

    I'm chinese and i know how superstitious (or i call it superstupid sometimes) Chinese parents can be. For example, we weren't allowed to have a baby in year of the Tiger due to our clashing of signs etc (not that it would have stopped us).

    Anyway, I usually just nod and ignore. THey can have a chinese name for bub that probably they will only use.

    DD does not have a chinese name at all but my parents call her KK for short (not really a chinese name but with a chinese accent =)

    Anyway, if you think you would offend them, just compromise and tell them they can use that name when your bub is at their house only.
    Last edited by Amity; September 26th, 2010 at 06:21 PM.

  9. #9

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    Could you have the Chinese name as a second middle name? They can call bubs that name and you can call him Jamie. What if it's a really coooool name and you like it anyway?

    I picked a Chinese name for DD2, but xp didn't like it *grumble

  10. #10

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    Are you Chinese?

    Its nice that you are considering your in-laws out of respect....but what about respect for you?

    Maybe a compromise can be made, but I think that if you and your DF have made a decision, then you should stick to it. The Chinese do a lot of whacked out things in the name of tradition and superstition.

  11. #11

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    My DH is Maori and all our children have Maori middle names. This was my choice too though.
    My MIL calls them all by their Maori names and introduces them to others by these names too. She says these are their maori names an their real names are their english ones.
    It really irratates me
    She even put only their middle names in the paper for their Koro's (grandfather) death notice.
    Nobody knows them by their middle names so it was almost like they werent included in it. I knew they were but unless you knew us and our kids you would have thought they werent.

    I try (and fail) to tell her that their names are as given on their birth certificates but she wont listen so I have given up and now choose my battles.

    Families are hard work, especially in laws but I agree if you and DH feel strongly about it stick to your guns. Chances are your in laws will do what they want anyway

  12. #12

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    I agree, you and your husband need to be on the same page, and that's all that matters.

    My IL's went and found out my kid's chinese names. Think i wrote them down somewhere PMSL. Certainly aren't on the birth certificate. DH's drivers licence is such a pain cos it has his name twice... in English, then in phonetic Chinese... and so people think his last name is Chong LOL. When that's just part of his first name (they write the last name first). My IL's aren't pushy at all with Traditions which is good.

    Anyway... definitely agree the only person you need to be compromising with is your DH.

  13. #13

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    my DH is lebanese and believe me with all my kids i had to struggle to get a name that i could say properly and would cause an uproar if i couldnt... also my dad is maltese and mum is australian so even though my dad could pronounce it right i didnt want my mum to struggle with it... so my DH met me half way... Thank god but i did use some as the middle name so that way every one left me alone.. but at the end of the day it is ur decision and u have to live with it and ur ds also...

    Just maybe try and be nice and calm and explain ur outlooks to them and see what happens... as long as ur df is bedise u on it then u have a positive to begin with GL hun

  14. #14

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    Your baby, your choice Not disrespectful, just you're the mother and father and you name your baby

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    Ild have to say when it comes down to it you should do what you and your DF want to not what they want you to.Its your child not theirs you get to choose and like its been said if you give in to them now what else will they be asking of you.

    As for the choosing a date to be induced/c-sect tell them what ever date the doc says is good and safe will be the date. Your childs safety comes first

  16. #16

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    Thanks so much for everyones opinions.
    I had a chat with DF when he got home from work and he told me not to worry about it. He absolutely doesn't want a Chinese name for Jamie, and certainly not on the birth certificate. *pheeew lol*
    in regards to the Chinese name they choose, well there isn't much we can do about it becoz they will prob just do it anyways inspite of what we say.

    I'm certainly not letting her decide on the day I give birth. Lol DF just laughed and said no way. So to save us the trouble of arguing we aren't bringing that one up with the inlaws and if I do get to choose my date, it will be what is right for us and we will be just telling them it is doctors orders and not open for discussion

    So thanks everyone for all ur input, unreally helped me step up and put my foot down


  17. #17

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    I will start by saying good luck.

    My sister is married to a Chinese guy and was born in Australia. His father spoke English while his mother refused to learn English.
    When their DD was born she caould have been called anything as she was not recongised. When they had a son it was another matter. He was given a huge amount of money (which the parents split between the two children) and my sister was told he had to have a chinese name. He does not have a chinese name but I think he has a Chinese second name but not sure if it is on his birth cert. They have another son who does not have a Chinese name. Son no 1 was always seated at the main table ahead of my sister and their daughter was alos shoved to the back.
    The harder they pushed my sister the harder she resisted to the point she hated going interstate to visit.

    If you and your DH agree on the name you have picked then stick to it. Once they know you will give in they will push harder and it can make your life unbearable. These are your children not your parents.
    I also like your plan on not letting them know when you are going to have the baby.

  18. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dedicated_mummy View Post
    Your baby, your choice Not disrespectful, just you're the mother and father and you name your baby
    :yeahthat:

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