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OK once I can handle.... but twice? This post might sound a little OTT to some, but it is a topic that has upset me in my own personal experience...
A 'close' friend of mine had her son 2 yrs ago and named him Lachlan and then just recently she had a girl and named her Ella. We had discussed baby names several times over the years and I had mentioned to her that these were the names that I had liked since I was a teenager and that these would be the names that I would use when I had children. She had names picked out as well - William after her Grandfather and Grace after her deceased mother, and we also both discussed how pi**ed we would be if any of our friends chose the same names.
When I found out that she had used the name Lachlan, I was pretty upset, but I eventually got over it - however when I found out that she had used the name Ella aswell I was (and still am) livid! I haven't (and won't) confront her about it as I don't believe that I have any right to, as I don't own those names, but let me say that I think her actions are extremely selfish and hurtful to our friendship especially as we had both felt so strongly about any of our 'friends' choosing the same names.
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this isnt a problem i think we will come across..our 2 have very original names so i doubt people would copy them but i would take it as a compliment if some one gave their child the same name as ours.
because we like different names we wouldnt be stealing from any one....
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lol.. I only just saw this.... steal away babe..... I don't care if there are 10 of them out there - I've never come across another one yet
Mel careful cos I am gonna call my next boy Aricyn...
BellyBelly Member
Nope, not silly at all. I have a quite unusual girl's name picked out too, and I'm not sharing online either.THis is going to sound so silly but I have a girls name picked that I am still keeping a secret from everyone... I won't even suggest it on the BB threads!
I'm very attached to it, it's pretty unusual and I have a stupid paranoid fear about it becoming really popular before I get to use it- if I ever get to use it.
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I'm with Trish on this one. It bothers the hell out of me. I think that if you're close with someone and they share a name they love and have had their hearts set on (whether they're prg or not - to someone who's been ltttc it could be even more hurtful) I would NEVER use it out of respect of our friendship and their feelings. And so I expect the same in return.
When I was prg with DS we'd picked a girls name which we did not discuss with anyone. SIL was about 12 weeks behind me and one day my MIL and (other) SIL were over and were talking about the name BIL&SIL had picked as they knew they were having a girl - I nearly died becasue it was the same name! I immediately told them that and although I was due first, I would have felt terrible if she'd had her heart set on that name and while we did too, I would have at the very least called her to talk to her about it.
Thankfully, we had a boy and in the end they called their DD something else entirely - Matilda, which I also LOVE so obviously we just have similar taste in names.
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i feel this happens all the time to us! as we have been TTC with iVF for nearly 6 years! And i find choosing names so hard working in CC.
Two of my DH friends who we see all the time called their DD the name that we would have chosen and the other the second name we would have chosen. I have my heart set on a boys name and will be using it no matter what! My SIL was going to use it but didnt in the end, i think she found out i like that name not that she ever told anyone the names that they had in mind, it all came out after her DS was born.
ETA - i love matilda!, Its in our top two!
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What I would do, is talk to those close to me who are pregnant, and say, if we like names, we should write them down and whoever picks it first gets it. Because it really hurts when someone knows you like something and before you can have it, they take it. Like you say, when I get home, I'm going to have that yummy choc pop in the freezer. And your sister whom you were talking to on the phone, goes and eats the last choc pop. Now that hurts. Perhaps they should say, I really wanted it too. Can you buy more (ie choose a different name?) or can I have it? Or we should leave it for mum, and both go without.
BellyBelly Member
My inlaws had the situation where three women were pregnant (two brother' wives and a sister). They all liked the same name, I'll say Tom. They were all due about the same time of the year, and ended up having their babies within 3 weeks of each other. They each called their children Tom, and never had a problem with getting confused.
I'd go ahead and call your children whatever you wanted to call them.
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I have decided to keep my chosen names 'secret' until I name a child. We've had a girl's name chosen for about 7 years now (even though we didn't start ttc until 2006)... My DH's best friend and wife chose to name their daughter that name when she was born in 2006 (just before we started TTC).
As we hadn't told anyone, I couldn't really say anything... but they hadn't told anyone their choice of names either, so it was a matter of both of us (well 4 of us if you include DP's) had chosen the same names (I guess that's why we're friends - we like similar stuff). So although it feels disappointing that they chose our name, it's not like they stole it...
I think it would also be a bit rude if we 'put dibs' on the name that we had chosen... How do I know they hadn't chosen it before us? It's kinda "You're dammed if you do, You're dammed if you don't". If you announce the names you like right from the start, you risk someone else liking it and using it, but if you don't announce your names, someone might 'put dibs' on it first anyway....
Names are not 'owned'. It's strange how people are so determined to have an original name for their child, when in the scheme of things, it really doesn't matter. My DS has a pretty original name, and I still have to meet someone who shares it, but I couldn't care less if he was the only one with it or there were others with it too...
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my names have all been stolen
my step brothers ex had a baby last january and so now i have a neice called Isabelle and that was going to be the name i would use for a daughter if i had one and the name im goin to name my son is Jamie Kai and i dont care who steals it im goin to call him that its very close to my heart and one of my friends sisters just had a boy and his name is jamie
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:itsaboy: Jamie Kai Due 17.05.08
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thats the reason why i keep names a secret and if i do tell its only those that i know really well.
turns out if this one is a girl then a close friend of mine online has the name chosen if she ever has a lil girl. first and middle name and even the same spelling. we dont care if it happens though.
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how bizarre is this - SIL's cousin just had a baby this morning - i rarely see her, no name discussion - she has named her little girl the same thing as we are going to (well, the nick name we use for our little Gremlin anyway!) - this one doesn't bother me - she didn't know! lol just means bro's kids will have two cousins - one with the name she has, one with the same name as her nickname (though we do tend to hyphenate nick name so it will be different i guess)
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A friend of mine bagsed a name when she was pregnant with her first child (a girls name but she had a boy) she is now pregnant again and due mid year. We are finally expecting our own and the name she has bagsed for a girl is in our top 4.. (and has been long before she said it out loud).
If she has another boy is it wrong of us to use the name (if we even have a girl) or can someone bags a name a name for years and years? I'm not sure if she is planning on having any more after this one.. (we're not really close friends just move in similar circles but I would still feel a bit strange about it as she has made if very clear to everyone).
Its been playing on my mind so this is an interesting thread!
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ultimately, it's up to you whether you use the name - if she has not said to you "we will use the name XYZ for this baby" then i wouldn't worry about it this time round - if it's a name you love, USE it - esp seeing that you aren't close friends
i had a name i loved when i was in my early 20's - three names together - i figured it was a lovely combo, but i never told anyone. my mum's bestie became a grandmother when i was 22 - and her grandaughter shares both first and second name from what i loved. there is NO WAY they could have known i loved the name, and even if they had, i wasn't in a position to use it at the time and why deny a beautiful little girl a beautiful name?
fwiw - the name was Lilliana Caitlyn (i also had Louise as my family tend to have three names)
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when i had my DD the local paper came around and took our photo for the mother and babies section our photo was in the next weeks edition of the paper with in 3 weeks there was a Sheridan leigh ( exactly the same as my DD ) and a Sheridan Lee i thought it was very flattering we had to go back to the maternity section of the hospital and one of the nurses commented on how popular we had made the name
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BG, I LOVE that name! Keep onto it, its beautiful!
Shazz, I met a Sheridan once. She always gets comments about Sheridan who was Hyacinth's son in Keeping Up Appearances, but when she introduced herself to me, I first thought of those expensive Sheridan sheets! So she gloated to her partner (she was one of the ambos who transferred me to another hospital) that she was a luxury and he better appreciate her more LOL!
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nah, i've given up on that name now Echidna! it's all good if anyone wants it... couldn't have same name as mum's bestie's grand daughter. plus it was a pre-DH name - the name we have picked now is very different (still love that name) - and i love it to bits!
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When I had my first daughter, I had a (pregnant) friend say to me that she was going to name her daughter the same name because that was the only name her DH liked. But she was a bit of an odd-ball...very jealous and competitive. Anyway she ended up having a boy and named him a name that I would never consider. It really aggravated me because she went on about it incessantly.
We have always told people that we like the name "Ethan" for a boy. We've got two girls so we haven't had a chance to use it but we are now pregnant again - this time with a boy. A friend of mine has just recently called her son "Ethan" and I know I never told her I liked the name because we stopped telling people the names we liked over the last few years. Anyway, I have decided to not use that name. Partly because I am afraid other people in our common group of friends will think we "stole" it from her but also because I see this friend on a weekly basis due to being part of the same mothers group. It is pretty hard because I don't really think we will be lifelong friends - well, we will probably keep in touch but wont be extremely close. I hope I don't regret not using the name...It has become a lot more popular in recent years so that has put me off the name a bit.
We have come up with another boy's name and we're not telling anyone what it is but I am afraid that if a friend I know uses it between now and April (when our baby is due), 'we're just going to go ahead and use it anyway.
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