Changing your parenting style...

[Arimeh]

Bath - the science of parenting huh... hmmm... might have to look into that.. cos I sure as hell have no idea what i'm doing here!!!!!! I hope I'll do better on the next one

Jodie - you always seem to have advice for me when I'm biatching about my son.. truly you must think that I'm the most awful mother!!!!! (Either that or just have a difficult son!!!) haha!!! He likes taking things out of the cupboard - which he is doing at the moment.. he has the alcohol out.. hmm... now.. if only I wasn't pregnant...

[Pretty Butterfly]

I certainly dont think your an awful mum!!!! Maybe i've just had too many kids!!!!

[Bathsheba]

I agree with that Jodie: with each child that I've had the more understanding and the less judgmental I've become. Each child is challenging in their own way... and dealing with 3 children who are being challenging at the same time is ummm... a learning experience too!

[Rouge]

Totally agree. Being gentle doesn't mean that the child knows whats best Sometimes mummy's and daddy's have to show kids that we do know best, after all this is our job! I believe in firm but fair, I'm not a walk over but my kids aren't yelled at, belittled or disempowered. Consistancy and love are most important. And I do say no and its ok! But even in situations where I do say no or don't comply with tantrums I still communicate.

As for changing your parenting style, I do it on a daily basis. Nothing I do is set in stone, if something I'm doing doesn't work then I try something else. But my fundamentals are still the same

[fionas]

Cuddles don't really work on my seven-month-old (except in the middle of the night) so goodness knows what she's going to be like when she reaches toddlerhood! Distraction, however, works a treat so I'll be sticking with that.

As for pulling stuff out like DVDs etc. I just let her go for it and will do until it really irks me; then it's my responsibility to put stuff where she can't get to it until she's old enough to really understand that she's not meant to. My gut feeling is that 2 isn't old enough - 3 maybe, possibly older.

I've seen parents who seem to spend their whole day doing nothing but saying to their very young kids "no, don't do that". They never seem to have fun together. I don't want to be like that.

So I think you're doing the right thing - have fun, choose your battles and then when you say "no" it's not something your kid's heard all day and they're much more likely to take notice. This worked a treat on my niece and nephew who lived with us for a month.

[Arimeh]

Fiona - We started telling DS from really early not to touch the CD's or DVD's and he has only faltered a couple of times - so luckily we hardly ever have to tell him no for that.. if we do, I try to say no.. they're not yours, pick up something of his and say "wow!!!! look at this.... lets play" that kind of stuff.

He hears no all the time, but its not all directed at him... we say no to the cats and dogs a lot too!!! haha!!!!!

Jodie - I think you are doing a great job with that many kids - I'm in total awe of you. I struggle with just the one!!!!!

Bath & Cai - thanks

[Emma1979]

i ignore any sign of a tantrum with my 12 month old... she has a temper and does high pitched squealing teamed with kicking out the arms and legs, and i have decided from day dot i'm not going to react to it.... so i just ignore it and go about what i was doing and use a a normal calm voice.... i want to teach her that she won't get anything by acting that way, although i realise it wont be instant, i figure its best to start the way i mean to continue....

she is pretty good at not touching things she isnt allowed to, ie the heater etc, a stern UH UH UH NO stops her in her tracks so i guess we are lucking in that respect... i know other kids just get into everything no matter what you do... she has always stopped when we have told her to, since about 8 months old. thats been one pleasant surprise, i was prepared for everything to get ruined, maybe it will happen when she's two!?

as for changing parenting styles, yep, been there... gone from contolled crying, to almost attachment style, back to somewhere in between... i change as the circumstances change... also the age she is at now, i realise she is starting to do a lot of things to test me.... she has started crying and screaming again when she gets put in her cot, and the first few nights i got her up and watched a dvd with her feeling sorry for her thinking something was wrong, and she fell asleep with me on the couch, but then i realised she was playing me, so now its bedtime and no exceptions, unless she's unwell. its so easy to get caught up in doing anything to not let them cry, but sometimes its a case of mummy knows best! its been a shock that she's not such a baby anymore, and there is a little mischievious mind ticking away in there... ohhhh but she looks so innocent!!

[Lulu]

Hey Mel - you did a great job! OMG it gets hard when they noise level is set so high. I find it really distressing sometimes and I can't think clearly, so I feel your pain...

But the best thing is you found something that works. Trust yourself girl!

[DoubleK]

i know this wasnt my thread.. but i am taking so much in from it!
Sushee your reply was fantastic, thank you!

i think im going to approach Krystal differently... i am sick of saying no all day, but i feel i have to.
maybe i need to concentrate more on the situation, rather than just lose patience, who knows we might make progress!!