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Thread: Disgusted at way strangers talk to their babies !

  1. #55

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    I agree that the strategies a parent of one child might use and the strategies of a parent of 3 or more might use are VERY different. Regarding pram use: I agree that lifting a child up and out of a pram occassionally is necessary but because I don't drive I am very dependant on my children being happy to ride in my pram for long periods and I would never do it (lift) consistently. Carrying all the time is just not an option. Yes I do occasionally carry my baby in a back-pack style carrier down to the local shops but I just can't do it for long periods with a 3 yo in tow as he often needs me to bend down to help him... it would be impossible to, for example, help him go to a public toilet with my baby in a backpack and all my shopping in my other hand. I'm just not as young as I used to be! LOL



    Also i do understand a need to seek out a bit of child-free space occasionally. As a SAHM all day every day is filled with the sound of children's noise and if I wasn't able to find a quiet place occassionally I'd go crazy. However i do respect the right of other parents to take their children to places that I might like to go... so I leave and find somewhere else. One Saturday morning I needed a break and almost walked the length of my local shopping strip looking for a quiet cafe where I could read the newspaper. I do see both sides of the "Child Friendly Space" arguement... but in reality it's a very tricky issue. Whilst most of us do care when our children are disturbing others it really does seem, when i am out and about, that not many other parents care much. Another example is on public transport: I always gently remind my children to wait until the people on the train disembark... then step on... but very frequently when i am the one who has to get off other parents simply allow their children to shove past my pram... or stand in the way. Why aren't people teaching their children basic courtesy? I guess they are all just too tired to bother?

    I know all this is a bit off topic but if parents are too tired all the time it would translate back to how they speak to their children... I think it might also come from a place of deep resentment: perhaps the parents are justifably resentful of the situation they find themselves in in our Western society where they are usually only 1 of a 2 people who are doing all the raising of their children... whatever happened to the shared responsibility of "the village (that it takes to raise a child)"? Bring back the days when a child was guided by everyone in their community. Many a time I have wanted to say a gentle word to a child throwing a tantrum and being rude to it's parent.... infact i'll admit it, I HAVE said word to the affect of: "hey, you better listen to your Mummy, she's trying to help you!"... without fail the mother has looked at me gratefully and the child has stopped in it's tracks because a stranger has spoken to them. Why doesn't this occur more often? It's so easy to do it with kindness and compassion.

  2. #56

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    Default Need to shop?

    I'm not a mum yet (due Aug 12 at which point I will no doubt gain some credibility on this topic) but my sister is.

    For a while she insisted on dragging (literally) her 2yo and 6yo around Kmart etc. for hours on end and whinged when they "played up" and how she'd lost the plot and ended up screaming at them. My response was "well, if I was a kid and I was being dragged around the shops all day, I'd play up too." Derrrr. Shopping's not interesting for kids.

    Yes, I understand, sometimes it's unavoidable but some people just don't seem to get the fact that kids are not going to be patient and interested unless you're shopping for them.

    We've just had a similar situation with overseas visitors. The mother wondered why her daughter and my step-daughter (both 13) got sulky after she took them 1. Around St Pat's Cathedral for an hour 2. Then pressured into going to the flower show for another few hours. Again, derrrrrrr. What 13-year-olds are going to be excited about going to churches and flower shows??? I'm not saying we should let kids dictate what we do, but we can acknowledge that some things are not going to be interesting for them and reach compromises.

  3. #57

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    Congrats on your pregnancy and finding BB, Fionas. Do you family/friends not take something along for the children to do - toys or books (or even handheld videogames) when they get bored? When I was about 7 I'd take my own book if I knew I was going to be bored then complain if I couldn't read it! I also used to keep lego in my handbag when I was babysitting, which caused some funny looks as a childless 17yo empties her bag looking for something!

  4. #58

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    I came to the conclusion today while out doing some banking and trying to run ONE small and I thought short errand at Kmart - that there is another reason our children much up at the shops! Whatever happened to customer service??? In this day and age of huge corporate conglomerates taking over shops that would do much better to be individually owned and operated, customer service has flown out the window. Example from today - Kmart at Westfields at about 3pm. There were TWO registers open and about 30 people queued up at those two registers. Needless to say, DS started to cry, which prompted a couple of other people to ask if a few more registers could be opened - they weren't though.
    At Target the other day I had to wait for about 30 minutes to pay for one item, again because only 4 registers were open, despite HUGE sales and the fact that Easter long weekend was one week away. And at Franklins on Sunday there was one express aisle and two regular aisles open for at least 50 customers. One lady (thankfully she didn't have kids to overhear her) got so angry she slammed her groceries down, said "I don't need this BS" and stormed out.
    I don't know what it used to be like in Australia 15-20 years ago, but when I was a kid I remember at the grocery store you would have two people at each register - one to scan the items and one to bag the groceries - then the person bagging would walk you to the car and load the items for you! Those days are well and truly gone...
    And on a different note, yes, I agree that while we shouldn't let kids dictate everything, we do need to be sensitive to the fact that they don't enjoy the same activities we do, so we can't expect them to just sit their passively for hours on end while we shop. Which is why I try not to go out when I know DS is tired, hungry, or generally unhappy. It doesn't always work obviously, but I do the best I can.

  5. #59

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    Yep... I agree Heidi, and that's why I'm scaling down my patronage at Coles in preference to my local IGA just around the corner. I've never had to queue for longer than about 1 minute at the IGA and the owner/manager knows me and my kids' names and if I'm 10c short he'll wave me through knowing that I'm the sort of person who will pay it back next time. My kids never get irritable there because I'm in and out within minutes and it's kinda old fashioned inside, not hyper-stimulating like IK mentioned. It's just a better all-round experience and certainly worth the few extra cents that I have to pay. I also can remember what customer service was like 20 years ago because that's when I left home and had to do the shopping myself. Also, Online grocery shopping, when you consider that it takes children out of the equation... is often a very appealing option for everyone

  6. #60

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    I'm another with the sweet sounding frustration - I don't want River to realise I'm at the end of my tether so I say it nicely or I'll sing a song while bouncing him like 'If you aren't quiet I'll send you to Angelina Jolie then I'll be Jolly you noisy noisy brat'. Obviously I'll need to stop this soon when he starts understanding words but it was great for calming me when he's teething and whinging like nothing else!

    Another one my midwives told me was to throw his soft toys against the wall. Once again, great for wailing at 2 in the morning.

    It's good to see threads like this to remind me to consider people's situations - not that their situation makes their behaviour any better, treating kids badly is bad behaviour, but no one can behave well all the time (especially in high pressure situations), and it's nice to think that there are lots of good and lovely parents out there just having a difficult moment.

    I am not so concerned about whether I might lose it with my children one day - I mean, everyone loses it sometimes. What I'd hope to do in that situation is role model for my children how to deal with it - as in, I'd like to think that after losing it, I would say sorry for yelling and move on (and that's a value my dad instilled in me, so I'd love to pass that on - he would say 'I'm still upset but I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you').

    I like the idea of Bellybelly cards, or asking a mum if they need help - I think it helps in a situation like that to feel that we're not alone!

  7. #61

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    Yeah online shopping is heaven sent.

    This thread has been an interesting read. I can honestly say that i can thank my years of teaching infants/primary school students for my patience and discipline with dealing with children. As a teacher you have 30 or so students - some that strive to push all your buttons - and you just can't yell and scream obscenities at them....no matter how much i'd have loved to.

    I think i just apply the same thinking with my own child and neice - why would i think it's acceptable to scream and swear at them when i wouldn't/couldn't do it with other people's chn? Especially when it's mine that i cherish above anything.

    Don't get me wrong - i certainly have testing moments, especially being sick and exhausted with a difficult pregnancy - but i try to keep my comments (both in public and private) under control.

    I also remember the way my mother used to speak to/treat us kids when we were younger and i'd never wish to treat my own chn that way.

  8. #62

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    My recent issues with long queues in the Westfields have further cemented my idea to avoid it whenever I can. I try to do as much of my shopping at our local shops in hopes of avoiding making the rich even richer! After the past few days I think I will try even harder.
    It was a very trying day with DS today as I think he was extremely overtired after a restless night last night and only one micro nap (45mins) today while we were helping DH out in his office. I did manage to stay calm with him all day and because I avoided public places except for my one quick outing - we did well!
    It is hard to be patient and we are all just doing the best we can - so hopefully thread like this can help remind us all that at the end of the day we are all only human and we are doing the best we can.

  9. #63

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    Absolutely, Heidi! It's one thing to sit at the end of a computer and have an opinion (which we are all entitled to do!), it's another to be the one living the experience, in the moment, with all the other circumstances that bring you there. And when it comes down to it, someone else might say "I wouldn't do that with my child", and that's ok, because you're not asking them to be anyone else's parent and they are certainly not your child's parent! To that kind of comment I would say "That's great, because I wouldn't do that with your child either, just as you're not going to be my child's parent any time soon". Sharing experiences is one thing, imposing your criticisms on someone else when it's unsolicited (and who does solicit criticism?) is a bit rude!

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