Need suggestions for DD's sleep

[PumpkinZulu]

Another sleep thread about DD, yay. But I've just realised that I'm about to have a newborn on top of this and I'm freaking out about what I'm going to do.

DD has been a terrible sleeper since 6 months old...pretty much when she started teething. She's been teething pretty much constantly since then, they take ages to come through, going up and down, and when they finally do, more start. The only teeth she has yet to cut are the 36 month molars or whatever they are, the very back ones. Her eye teeth are cut but still coming down. Amber necklace has done nothing to help her unfortunately, and I suspect she's actually sensitive to painkillers, because we actually found she was worse on Panadol and Nurofen. Anyways.

We have a good night routine, good sleep cues for naps. I've been adaptive, gone with her cues, gone with the flow, gone by a million different routines of my own making...nothing really works. She takes ages to put to sleep and I'm really not okay with it anymore. I'm so scared of having a newborn who needs my attention and having to spend an hour plus trying to get DD to sleep. I'd really love to be able to pop her in her bed, close the door (or heck, even just sit in the room with her) and she could eventually go off to sleep. I'd even be happy with patting her etc. But she just plays, or tantrums...hard. Screaming, crying until she gags, kicking and hitting. I've tried popping her in her bed and leaving...she howls, it's traumatising for her, she runs to the door and screams and bangs on it. There are two ways to get her to sleep; Daddy bounces her in his arms in her room, usually for 30-90 minutes. Often, she will wake up when put down and cry and scream, so it's another 30 minutes getting her back to sleep. Half the time, DH can't do it anymore and will give her to me. She's too heavy for me to be holding while pregnant (SPD), so I will lay with her in our bed, pat her back, stroke her hair etc. This is for day naps too. We have special music we've used for about 6 months now we play while we put her to sleep. We've tried no music and it's worse. For me, she will either try to get up and play, or scream and tantrum. Everything is a tantrum these days, but especially her sleep. We've tried later bedtimes, earlier bedtimes,two naps, one nap, no naps. All terrible. There's no pattern or predictability.

What can we do? What methods can we try? It was easier when she was BF. at this stage and the age she is, I'm not 100% adverse to letting her whinge a little...seeing as she's crying constantly throughout the day, and when we try to get her to sleep anyway, I see little difference. But she gets very genuinely distressed and I'm not willing to let her get to that stage, which she does almost instantly, so those types of methods are out.

So yeah, any ideas? Help?

ETA it feels like one of those things that we just have to keep pushing through. Thing is, we've been pushing through for the last 11 months. I'm tired of pushing through. I literally am at a loss for what I will do with two kids when one needs all this time dedicated to getting to sleep. And okay, when Amey's a newborn it may not be too bad, but what about when she's older and more mobile?

I'm starting to doubt whether I should even cosleep with Amey, I know that's silly but all that talk of 'making a rod in your own back' that MIL and mum harped on about feels true right now I just want my children to be as contented and safe as I can make them feel.