Newborn - only sleeping on me...

[nataliew]

Hi Everyone,
I have an 11 day old boy and I am soooo confused about what I should be doing re: sleep time.
The only way I have been able to get him to sleep in his bed (a hammock) is to feed him until he falls asleep on the boob, let him sleep there for a while and then gently move him to the hammock - sometimes he'll stay down for a couple of hours but mostly he will wake after 5-10 minutes. I then start the routine over again (he is a big boy and feeds pretty much constantly). I am spending all day and night just trying to get him to settle and sleep.
Am I doing the wrong thing by leading him to sleep using a feed? (I've tried many times to put him down without and he cries immediately. No amount of rocking and sushing help)
Am I expecting too much of him at only 11 days? Should I just except that he needs to be asleep on me at the moment?
By the way, he loves the sling and sleeps really well in it but I had a c-section and it hurts too much to use it.
I feel like I'm not coping at all and that I'm doing everything wong by my little guy. I just need to get both of us some sleep!

[Arimeh]

Natalie - congrats on your bub.
I say do whatever seems to be working. In these early days, you wouldn't be establishing a precedent for future behaviour, so whatever works to get him to sleep I say do it!!!
I had a swing for my DS that worked a treat, would gently rock him to sleep. Or he just slept on my chest. He was pretty good though, I must say, usually fell asleep on the couch with me patting his back and if he would begin to wake up, I'd quickly go over there and shhh and pat until he fell back asleep.
The first few months are the hardest, but you are doing a fantastic job!!!! Keep up the good work.

[boomba]

Hi Natalie and congrats on your baby boy!

Sounds like your following your instincts quite well! I found the first 6 weeks so hard and tiring, but its over in a flash! DS is fed to sleep at night and sometimes during the day and he is so happy when he falls asleep I know it must be right
Its perfectly normal for your baby to want to be close to you, its his instinct as well!
You do what feels right for you and your baby cause everyone is different!
I have just finished reading Pinky Mckays sleeping like a baby and found it so very useful! I know its hard to find a spare moment to do anything in the first few weeks but its a great read!

Hope this helps a little good luck!

[Pretty Butterfly]

You are doing a fab job, and have already learnt what bubs wants... You and boobie!!! For these first few months, just go with the flow. Bub doesn't want to be seperated from his mummy, and if you can, just enjoy it!!! I loved my bubs asleep on me, and I rested too. You wont "spoil" him, he will learn mum is always there when he needs you, and he is too young to understand that he cant have you 24/7 just yet. He will need his own space in his own time...A loved, contended little boy will be happy and secure when its time to go down on his own. Leave the housework, and just play "mummy" for a while babe!!!!! Congtrats on a loving, cuddly little man!!!

[KatieRabbit]

Sounds like you are looking after your boy a treat- you are doing nothing wrong! Just feed him lots and cuddle him lots and forget the rest.
You don't have to be coping- I know the feeling but it is not an expectation that a mum with a new baby 'copes'. You probably don't feel in control and that is very normal and down the track will pass, but it is not a pleasant feeling. You are doing a great job. Keep coming back for support here when you need it.

[LuluHB]

I agree with what the others have all said. In those early weeks especially, do whatever works - no matter what the books say is the right or the wrong thing. My DD had pretty severe reflux and spent the first three months of her life sleeping on me. She now has two sleeps a day and sleeps 10 to 12 hours at night in her cot in her own room without the need to be cuddled to sleep.

Your bub is used to being incredibly close to you its pretty normal for him to want to be in constant contact with his mummy.

[nataliew]

Thank you all so much for the support and encouragement - I really, really need it.
All the books are telling me 'awake time for an hour, sleep time for 3 hours and start again' but my bubs just not fitting in with that schedule. Nor is he responding to rocking, sushing and then peacefully falling asleep in his bed. I just feel like crying 24/7.
What I need is to find somewhere he will go for even 15 minutes so that I can get a shower in/washing done etc.
This is all so different to how I thought it would be. I really need to get my head around it and start being positive. I know this is not forever but right now I just feel stuck and so overwhelmed.
Again, thank you so much for giving me some positive feedback.

[Spring Angel]

Oh hun, I hear you. Those first few months were a complete blur to me. Is there anyone who can give you a hand with bubs so that you can take a hot shower and even catch a few mins of rest? Just hang in there, as the other ladies said it does get easier.

Oh and my advice about those books, ignore them! I got myself worried sick that my bub didn't do what the books said but I just came to accept that all babies are different and your bub is writing his own book.

HTH

Lv Spring

[Willow]

OMG, you sound exactly like me with DS (and Spring can vouch for that!! LOL) You remind me so much of me I want to cry with you!

But PLEASE don't do what I did and become totally stressed out and a nervous wreck. It was so hard for me to stop listening to what all the experts were saying about sleep etc and to just go with the flow. In the end I had no choice but to just go with him because he didn't fit the schedule either, but now 5 months down the track his sleeping has improved out of sight in comparison to those first 3 months. So just because a baby isn't born a great sleeper, doesn't mean they'll always be that way.

I've done it twice now and I PROMISE you, it gets easier, so much easier and while right now you feel like this is never gonig to end, you'll get to where I am now at 5 months and realise that time, while bl**dy hard, was over so quickly - so remember to take the time to enjoy the good moments, to snuggle with him and enjoy being so close to him, in a lot of ways it's such a hard time, but it's also a very special time.

[LuluHB]

Sorry - just had to post again. Please please please ignore those books. I read them all before my DD was born too and worried I was the worst mother in the world because my baby wasn't doing what the books said she should be doing. Unfortunately our babies can't read so we have to play by their rules, not the books!!

Willow is right - it does get so much easier. The first few weeks of having a baby can be the most frustrating, depressing and disappointing - I felt I was doing everything wrong and on more than one occasion wondered how my baby would survive my incompetence. BUT in no time at all, just a couple of months, you will find that your own intuition is what you need to listen to. Nobody knows your baby like you do so trust your instincts. They are all different so just because one baby is doing one thing, it doesn't make your baby "wrong" by doing something completely different. Hang in there, and in no time you too will feel like one of those women where everything comes naturally and easily.

[KatieRabbit]

I'm posting again too! Like Willow, i8t all sounds too familiar. I thought I had been conned big time- I was supposed to feel like a mother yet I was stressed, tired, sure I had a baby with something wrong (cos she wouldn't sleep!), breastfeeding was difficult and I actually think I was in shock at the changes in my life that was out of control. But take heart Natalie. Those feelings have well gone and DD is only 4 months old. Still adapting to life with DD at home after years of study and professional fulltime work. But worth every minute. Forget the books- no-one's baby follows them. They are often out of touch with reality. And the feelings of being overwhelmed and stuck are so so normal. I wish people spoke out more about how hard it is with a baby. I have friends with babies who still can't say "It's very hard" or "I can't cope", and I think what is so wrong with admitting it is hard?? It is like a conspiracy not to let pregnant women know! Hang in there. We are here for you. PS Why don't you put your son in the cot/hammock/floor etc and jump in the shower, even if he is awake? It's hard at first but have a 2 minute shower to feel better and he will be fine in a safe place awake.

[sneakysparkle]

Hey Natalie,
I just wanted to totally agree with what has already been said - IGNORE THE BOOKS! Breastmilk is designed to help babies sleep! And babies need their mummy. I always fed my DD to sleep - day and night, and she would sleep on me/next to me for day sleeps. I too had problems going to the toilet/having a shower, but would just put her next to me in her rocker
I had people saying "you're making a rod for your own back" etc etc but I ignored them because it was working! I'm so glad I just did what felt right because she is a very relaxed and happy 14mth old now. I fed her to sleep till I weaned her a month ago, and since then she has been old enough (and I believe secure enough) to go to sleep on her own - without crying.
Please be encouraged that you are doing the right thing
Hang in there darl, and try to enjoy this special time.

[Lulu]

Oh yeah, prop him on the floor and have a shower if worst comes to worst.

Some days I gave in, had a quick shower, made my bed, put on fresh jarmies and sat in bed with him all day. Just feed and doze, stare out the window. Looking back those days were the ones I remember as so calm and snuggly. It's ok to do that you know.

If you get visitors handpass the baby, jump in the shower and get them to help fold your washing. Visitors to my house have to work in the early days!

[Kazmar]

What ever works and gets u and ur baby boy 2 sleep.
I used 2 do the same with Annabelle and it didn't do any harm she now puts herself 2 sleep. I mean she goes trough stages but only when shes teething or going through seperation anxity.
When she was a newborn she would always fall asleep at the breast, now she is awake after a feed and i put her in bed bright eyed or drowsey and she finds her way back 2 dream land
If ur household is getting sleep then ur doing the 'right' thing
This stage doesn't last long so enjoy every day cuddled up in bed and all day pj days Annabelle and i still have them, there my fave days!

[nataliew]

thank you, thank you, thank you.
Bubs slept with us last night and I actually feel semi sane today! It's hard though - I feel guilty, like I've done the wrong thing (and I wouldn't tell anyone that I let him sleep in our bed) funny how it's ingrained in me that it's not the 'right' thing to do...
All of your posts have made me not feel so alone in this. Why does nobody say 'yeah it's hard, so hard'..?
I miss work, I miss alone time with hubby, I miss popping to the shops to get stuff for dinner, I even miss making dinner!
But its not forever and I need to give into it for a while - easier said than done but I'm making that my mantra for now.

[Lulu]

Nat as long as your and DP aren't drunk or stoned it's fine to sleep with bubs. But if you don't want to tell people and spare yourself a lecture - that's fine too!

I'm a long time co sleeper, it sorts ANY baby out tee hee!

And to pinch a comment from another thread ....your baby must like you or something!!! Mmmmmm mummmy!

[KatieRabbit]

There is a great article on co-sleeping in the Baby Articles on BB- click on Baby Articles on the tab up the top of this screen. It is Co-sleeping- Is it part of bonding? (something like that!). It's nothing to be ashamed of and may be the answer for you. People have funny opinions about it (usually our parents/rellies/ones older than us but as Lulu says just dont mention it and you won't find yourself having to defend what you do. Keep up your terrific work and keep bubs close.