The one thing I find that does work (occassionally) is to get on my knees take a hold of his shoulders and ask what is wrong? What can mummy do to fix it? and if all else fails I tell him he is hurting my feeling by yelling at me.. and then I ask for a huggle.. It doesn't always difuse the situation but it helps...
I have explained to him he hurts my feelings and that it hurts here in my chest when he does not do what momma asked him to do. He gets high PRAISE for good behavior but now with baby its like i dont have time to follow through to the extent i want to unless i leave the baby in hysterics. Its sorta like a no win situation. EVERYONE is getting left out and everything. i find hubbie is force feeding me at night as i am just falling alseep buggered.

I fear that if i dont follow through with what i am asking the 3 year old to do... he will know he never has to do anything i say. he is Beyond stubborn GRRR thats my blood line (Indian). Trying to get him to do 1 thing at times can take hours. I dread waking in the mornings and sleeping at night as i know what my day may intail.