Parenting tips for stuborn 3 year old HELP!!!

[squidipa]

O.k i have the MOST stubborn 3 year old. None of the other kids were like that so its such a shock for me. My question is this...

O.k when he does something wrong i ask him to go sit on bed and i go in his room and explain to him what he did wrong, and why you cant do that and finish with a hug and kiss.
But When i ask him to go and sit on his bed and wait for me to come in. He goes to room and just piddle farts around come out every 15 second saying im sorry after he has been screaming the previous 15 seconds loudly trashes room, or Screams at top of his lungs he even brakes his toys or his brothers or rips apart books. I put an alarm on his toy box to prevent him from trashing his room when upset.He has been known to also pull clothes out of draws too. Unmake his bed pull all bedding on floor.
I try to be persistent and not give in so I keep sending him back to bed and taking him back also and its an endless cycle most days. Its like if he is naughty in morning the whole day is played out this way. I have explained to him many times and i also take him back to bed too. Whilst holding and looking after or feeding the 6 week old and organizing 2 other children.

Most of time the 6 week old is screaming or unsettled and the other two kids are asking a million questions or im trying to get them ready for something. I am exhausted and worn out. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG!!!!!!??? If i give in when he comes out of his room and says "im sorry" i am then contradicting myself, as i have explained to him wait on the bed and be quiet and ill come in then you can get up. None of the other kids behaved this way. The 3 year old wont give in. I cant just sit in the room for ages waiting for him to give in its just simply not possible with a newborn. He can scream for so long especially if your there. I am a stay at home mother and hubbie as at work all day. HELP PLEASE!!!

I have had a 6 week long headache and i am so tired. Naughty spots dont work for same reason he will gladly get up when you turn your back or go toilet. screaming yelling being calm doesn't work either. Please i am desperate for some new advice as to stop him from being so darn stubborn!
We have a star reward chart that works great when he starts the day out good.
When he is on his bed quiet its normally about 2 mins before i come in i am waiting constantly for him to be quiet and on bed.

How long should i be persistent a this for before i give in because he wont give in thats for sure enless he cries himself to sleep. HELP me plz!

[squidipa]

i am thinking that maybe just maybe this is one of those situations that ya cant just fix. Ya just have to some how roll with it.

[{sarah}]

I have one of those too!!! All I can offer are my sympathies

[MantaRay]

If you find any answers, let me know!!!

[aussienic]

hi,, I too have one of these kids.. Jacob has days where I am close to or in tears out of absolute frustration.. his tantrums get on top of me some days and the other kids get neglected at times so I can deal with him..

The one thing I find that does work (occassionally) is to get on my knees take a hold of his shoulders and ask what is wrong? What can mummy do to fix it? and if all else fails I tell him he is hurting my feeling by yelling at me.. and then I ask for a huggle.. It doesn't always difuse the situation but it helps..

Jacob was very much like your son when We brought our DD home.. The biggest thing we found that helped was getting him to help us with her. He would get the nappies, wipes and put the nappy in the bin for us.. Wash her feet when it was bath time. help me dry her ect...

I found time out didn't work if Jacob went to his room.. i try to be consisten when he is being really painful and I make him sit by the front door. I don't make him sit there for any specific amount of time but just enough to make him stop what he is doing and take a break.. he doesn't like that. but usually settles down..

gosh I could go on and on but my DD is now awake..

[squidipa]

The one thing I find that does work (occassionally) is to get on my knees take a hold of his shoulders and ask what is wrong? What can mummy do to fix it? and if all else fails I tell him he is hurting my feeling by yelling at me.. and then I ask for a huggle.. It doesn't always difuse the situation but it helps...

I have explained to him he hurts my feelings and that it hurts here in my chest when he does not do what momma asked him to do. He gets high PRAISE for good behavior but now with baby its like i dont have time to follow through to the extent i want to unless i leave the baby in hysterics. Its sorta like a no win situation. EVERYONE is getting left out and everything. i find hubbie is force feeding me at night as i am just falling alseep buggered.

I fear that if i dont follow through with what i am asking the 3 year old to do... he will know he never has to do anything i say. he is Beyond stubborn GRRR thats my blood line (Indian). Trying to get him to do 1 thing at times can take hours. I dread waking in the mornings and sleeping at night as i know what my day may intail.

[Charlyfrog]

sounds like just pure attention grabbing, unsure of the world right now as a baby has invaded his space and even his time with mummy? Is it worth letting some things go as in turning a blind eye to particular behaviour for a minute? So no response from mummy is actually not what he was after iykwim? Even walking over his tantrums - I've done this with DD#1 a couple of times coz I swear, if I opened my mouth it was going to get worse and this might go against the grain but in the midst of his attention seeking behaviour, give him attention but a big happy mummy cuddle and "I love you so so much!" and pretend you don't even notice his naughty moment?

These are things we've chucked into our repertoir every now and then coz DD can go a bit nutso and we find trying the whole conversation thing when she's all wired up is actually counter productive for us. Its when she is calm and quiet and in a good mood, we can chat about the 'moment' and even get some of her feelings out about it.

I love the idea of getting him involved with baby too, great advice.

Sorry not much help with any profound wisdom as I feel as though I am flying by the seat of my pants sometimes but am thinking of you

[~clover~]

My 3 year old is playing up lately too. I think is just the age. They realise they can push you & test their boundaries & will do anything to see if you are true to your word.
All the advise I can give is to stick to it & be consistant. Try to always remain calm too. Flying off the handle doesn't help.
They should grow out of it soon. Well they bl00dy better! I'll go mad other wise!
Sorry I can't help much, but just know that you aren't the only one.

[squidipa]

My 3 year old is playing up lately too. I think is just the age. They realise they can push you & test their boundaries & will do anything to see if you are true to your word.
All the advise I can give is to stick to it & be consistent. Try to always remain calm too. Flying off the handle doesn't help.
They should grow out of it soon. Well they bl00dy better! I'll go mad other wise!
Sorry I can't help much, but just know that you aren't the only one.

How long do i stick to it each time thats the question??? he could easily go hours i know he could!!!!

As for involvement with baby he does all the nappies gets them and puts them in bin along with getting wipes and nappy covers. He kiss's baby daily and holds his hand and helps where ever possible. He even gets blankets dummies and out fits mostly he does this of his own bat

[{sarah}]

Spending heaps of time with them helps I think. Today we've had a great day & I think it's all because of teh time we've spent together. We've jumped on the trampoline together, played outside, sat down & had morning tea together, played the computer, read books... I haven't had to yell once today, so I think it might be helping. Sure no cleaning got done until he went down for his nap, but that's cool, I'd prefer a messy house & no yelling any day!

[squidipa]

Spending heaps of time with them helps I think. Today we've had a great day & I think it's all because of teh time we've spent together. We've jumped on the trampoline together, played outside, sat down & had morning tea together, played the computer, read books... I haven't had to yell once today, so I think it might be helping. Sure no cleaning got done until he went down for his nap, but that's cool, I'd prefer a messy house & no yelling any day!

I gotta laugh and cry here well done for a start as hehe Myn refused to sleep, the baby refuses to stay asleep, House oh my, like a bombs so gone off here. My hair hasn't been brushed in so long it's a big matted oily mess. I feel like im about to have my head explode form this tiered headache ive had for 6 weeks now. Not to mention im in dirty clothes, cause washing needs doing and i am not ment to carry the baskets down the stairs due to my pelvis or hang them out so waiting on hubbie to do that tomorrow. But good on ya having time with your 3 year old thats fantastic i wish i had that but now baby takes each and every breathe out of me. I force myself to keep my eyes open as my body is totally wanting top shut off.

[Mum2boy]

Hey squidipa, sorry, I can't really help you it seems at the moment, Cooper just turned 2 a couple of weeks ago, and I'm still in shock now that the tantrums have started I used to think that perhaps we might miss the tantrums, but no, they hit big time and all at once when he turned 2!!!

Anyway, I was going to say that I can empathise with how difficult it is to have a screaming headache and a screaming child (mind you - i only have one, so I can't imagine!!)

I have suffered headaches almost daily since Cooper was born, and they used to get me down so bad, and it was hard to control my emotions and to even feel in control. It was only about 6 weeks ago, I went and saw a lady who does muscle neurology and I have only had about 3 headaches since I saw her.

Would you like me to speak with her and find out if there is anyone in your area?

Just let me know.

[squidipa]

to tell the truth i would love ya to altho it makes no difference if it isnt some one whom bulk bills FULLY sorry. Thanks for your support in this its appreciated

My other kids would very rarely do the whole ill lay on the floor and scream and kick tantrum but the 3 year olds is all just screaming in front of you and the rest when your not looking. Is that a tantrum?