my mum was one of those nightmare MIL's when SIL had her first - around ALL the time, wanting to hold baby ALL the time - drove SIL nuts I'm sure. so when i was pregnant, we had LOTS of coversations about what i felt what was and wasn't appropriate.

When i was in hospital (five days) Mum visited at every visiting session, bringing family and friends over if they wanted to come (i birthed about 60ks from home) - each time, she'd ring or text before she came over to see if there was anything we needed. she took washing home (to take pressure of DH), would cook fresh food for us for snacking, went to the shops to get heartburn stuff for me etc. when i came home, she left us alone for pretty much a week as she had a cold and didn't want bub to get sick, but rang every day at random times just to check on us.

when DH went back to work (DD was 3 weeks old), he was away for a week at a time, then only home for a day or two and then off again. mum would come out to our place (about 20k's) with fresh food. she'd ring me each day before she organised dinner for her and dad and ask if i'd like leftovers next day. she'd watch/hold DD while i showered, make sure i had a cuppa and something to eat. a couple of times a week she'd pick me up just before lunch and take me to her place until after dinner - basically did all the nappy changes and things so i could snooze on the couch. she'd ring every day before she went to the shops (before coming out to our place) to see if there was anything i needed, and if i wanted to go to the shops myself, she'd take me.

she made one gaff about my milk - once - don't think my reaction allowed her a chance to do it ever again lol Mum was unsuccessful in BF both myself and my brother, and she admitted it was all about not knowing and making comments based on the FF she knew about. She was really supportive for the most part (still is!)

Mum made an effort to understand the impact my anxiety issues were having on me so that she could help/support me which has been amazing. the first time i really left DD wasn't until she was over 6 months old, and instead of mum telling me everything would be fine, take DH to his concert, she'd have DD for a loooooooong period of time, she actually drove us to Melbourne (about 2 hours) and had DD at our cousins place - gave mum an opportunity to catch up with family, meant i could feed her just before concert and then again straight after as she was still exclusively BF and refused EBM at that stage.

when i went back to work, mum started having DD a couple of days a week, and continues to do that now. she initially had massive "issues" with the idea of me using MCN's but changed her tune very quickly on that and now tells everyone how great they are

but i think the main thing is that she hasn't once criticised me/DH and how we've chosen to parent. it's almost totally opposite to how i was raised, but instead of criticising or dismissing it, mum has supported and embraced it, and continues to do so. even though it's not what she knows, she continues our style of parenting DD when she is at their house, which i really appreciate

Dad - useless - but that's normal. at least he isn't trying to tell us we're doing it wrong!

IL's - DH's parents passed before i met him and he is estranged from his siblings so we've not had input from them at all - just how i like it