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Thread: Why arent some women ever happy?

  1. #19

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    i wasnt saying having 2, 3, 10, 11 children makes people selfish. There ARE people out there dissatisfied with what they have (and i dont need to live with them 24/7 to know this). I wasnt labelling anyone as never satisified if they want more children, lord upabove i want 6 children. I never implied 2 was my limit. Do you know women in your life whom are disattisfied with what they have? Therefore the need to reproduce more children, maybe to fill this void in there lives seems to be the only option....???
    I know FOUR mothers very well, whom want a third, some trying to convince DH, one has a 4month old in their arms as she is saying it........yet i have other woman friends whom have had multiple miscarriages, desperate, so, so desperate to have a second, 1 who has been told they cant ever have children. I find it hard to sympathize with one group of friends whom want more, and another group whom cant have it at all.....



    I was raising an issue that i have come across in my life, i wasnt accusing anyone that not stopping at 1 child makes them ungrateful for what they have.
    Last edited by Lucy; August 16th, 2006 at 12:12 PM.

  2. #20

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    This is a really interesting topic ladies, and it is really good to read so many womens experiences on how they feel that children bring so much love into the world.

    I guess it is all about perception rather than judgement, so lets keep it all on a happy note..........thanks guys.......

  3. #21

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    I don't understand why this is an issue. People are people and most people are "disatisfied" with atleast one thing in their lifetime. Thats life unfortunately.

  4. #22

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    I wasn't having a go at anyone. I was just stating my reasons for wanting more children. Sorry if I offended anyone

  5. #23

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    Do you know women in your life whom are disattisfied with what they have?
    I do not know of anyone person that is disatisfied with the children they have! I know of people not necessarily women though that are disatisfied with work, money, material objects, their bills etc, but no way are the disatisfied with the amount of children they are blessed to have!!! I know of women that are trying to conceive another & they have 3 at school already, but they are not disatisfied with the 3 they have, they as a loving family & couple have made the decision together in their own lives that they want another child or 2 or even more!!!

    I am trying to convince my DH to try for a 3rd & maybe them I'll want a fourth, but dont say that it makes me disatisfied with my 2 beautiful children that I am already over the moon to be blessed with, beacuse that is totally a misjudgement of me!
    My DH would like a bigger house before we have another, he'd also like a newer motorbike, hey there's lot's of things we'd all like in life... But our choices to have more cannot be judged or perceived by others as being disatisfied with what we already have!

    I also feel terrible for those that are yet to be blessed with a child, but as I said in my last post I dont think their lives will be an happier if anyone stopped having children because of guilt...??

  6. #24

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    Hmmm Interesting....

    Not quite sure if I completely understand the argument but here goes....

    As soon as I brought Louis home I knew I would want another baby and have been excited about getting p/g again even through all the trials of having a newborn. I have only just recently gone off the pill though and am still bf so it's not likely to happen any time too soon. I would be happy if I was already p/g and I would be happy if it takes -another 6-12m as I'm enjoying every moment with my bubba boy. However, I love the idea of having a large family for a lot of the reasons others have mentioned.

    I am in no way dissatisfied with my life but I want to bring children into this world and fill them with love and show them and teach them everything that I possible can!

    Everyone will teach and provide their children different things based on their personalities and life experiences. There are some people that I look at with kids (family or friends) and I don't agree with certain aspects of how their raising them or values there teaching but it is not my place to judge them. Each to their own.

    I definately don't think we should be upset at people choosing to have 3 or 4 kids just because someone is having trouble having their first. Unfortunately the world works in mysterious ways and I believe we are all here to learn our own lessons whatever they may be. I feel so sorry for people that struggle to conceive but I certainly am not going to stop talking about my family and my wish for more kids because of it....

  7. #25

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    I think I might have missed something here. I believe mbear was commenting more about people who seem unable to count their blessings. I don't think this thread was intended to be about raising children or passing judgement on how many children other people want or have.

  8. #26

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    I think it's just an email, sms thing, it's hard to know what context people are talking in when it's just a written word they're reading. Maybe we have taken Mbear in the wrong context.
    So, yes I know someone who is desperate for a girl and I think she will try forever until she gets that (she has two boys). She was depressed after both boys, but she still LOVES them with all her heart.
    I also think that like Tracey said, maybe they're dissatisfied with their life, rather than their children. I would think it doesn't make them love their children less though.
    There will always be people who are not happy with what they've got. Aren't we all guilty of that to some degree (maybe not all, but I know I am....I want a bigger house for example). I still count my blessings. I guess the fact is that pretty much when we stop and think about it, we count our blessings, but day to day we take things forgranted.I know personally in the past I've been too quick to judge and I guess what Im saying is 1. each to their own, and 2. try not to judge other people as we really don't know what goes on in their minds.
    So sorry if I took your post the wrong way. But it's fun to have posts that cause some contreversy!!! xoxo

  9. #27

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    I see your point melbo, but unforunately in some circles assuming someone doesn't count their blessings is often seen as a judgement. And that often causes people to then think that judgement is being made of them too (whether it is or not).

    I realise your question was in relation to something that has occurred in your offline life mbear, but I think you may have touched a raw nerve here unintentionally

    You're all great mums and *do* count your blessings!

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  10. #28

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    Melbo, I read it as it was written.. as the quote below points out disatisfaction in the amount of children...

    Do you know women in your life whom are disattisfied with what they have? Therefore the need to reproduce more children, maybe to fill this void in there lives seems to be the only option....???

  11. #29

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    I cant believe I've just seen this now, lol.

    As most of you know I am pg with no 7. I have always counted my blessings as first of all I was adopted by a mother that had a total hysterectomy at 19. My SIL best friend attended 2 of my births while trying desperately for over 5 yrs to have 1 baby of her own. I have read people's accounts of their struggle to have a baby here on BB and have cried with them over their suffering.

    DH is 1 of 8 and this baby is the 31st grandchild for MIL and FIL. Our family gatherings are loud and crazy - and we love it. EVERY SINGLE DAY I count my blessings and thank God for what I have.

    Whether you are satisfied or not depends on the type of personality you have. Some people will find that they are never satisfied no matter what they have. I was satisfied after my first baby and nothing has changed in that department.

    Why do some women feel the need to keep re-producing
    This is what I took offence to, even though I'm sure you didnt intend. Its not a need to reproduce, its a blessing.

  12. #30

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    i was waiting for you Nat to read this as well as 7th heaven

  13. #31

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    Well, in that case I should have such a bad case of the guilts I don't even post - yes, I did feel guilty that I fell pg so easily and did all the "wrong" things early on that could cause a m/c when there are such wonderful girls here who have been trying for years for their first... but at the end of the day, would my baby be stopping them from having children? Of course not! Some of the most wonderful and kind congratulatory messages I had came from those girls and that really touched my heart.

    Reading this, I really would love lots and lots of children, although I know DH doesn't want as many as I do. I love family gatherings where there are about 60 or so of us (used to have them with my all dad's family - always with his mum, brother and sister, 4 nieces and 1 nephew, then with either his mum's brother and his 3 children and 5 (6th on the way) grandchildren, or my dad's dad's family, all my dad's cousins and their children and grandchildren: I've been to some that were standing room only! I'm keeping in touch with my family so we can have the same!

    I agree with Natalie, it's a complete blessing. And I really can't think of anything better - but that doesn't stop me from sympathising with people who want their first, nor those who want their second, third, or five hundredth!

  14. #32

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    Gee, this has started a debate. I think I know where you are coming from mbear. When my mum asked me whether we were thinking of having another child (Clarrie was about 6 weeks) I said to her I didn't know but that I felt that he was so special, why would I want another. There were many other thoughts (one being I am so *** tired, how could I even think about another!!!!) but this was an important one. It is hard to explain how I felt, but I think it is along the lines of what you were saying, mbear? And I'm still unsure as to whether I want to have another child....

    Anyway, that is just my 2cents worth. I won't go into any of the other things that have been raised. Suffice to say that it seems to have opened up the debate on motherhood that has been going on for decades. The most important thing is that as women we have choices. Julie

  15. #33

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    Julie, I can relate to what you are saying. When I was pregnant with my 2nd I was worried that I wouldn't love him as much as my first, because I loved her SOOO much, but of course I did.

    Apologies if I am wrong, but mbear was talking about some women never being satisfied with what they have, and asking why women feel the need to keep reproducing.

    I think I understand what you meant mbear and I understand you weren't talking about all women that have large families, BUT I think what offended people was the wording. In particular the comment about the friend with the 4 month old already wanting another baby.

  16. #34

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    I was one of those women who was TTC when my baby was 4 months old. My reason was that we wanted our children to be as close in age as possible. Even though I was aware that initially having 2 so close would be difficult I am hoping that as they get older they will be friends.

  17. #35

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    Olivia was only 4 months old when we decided to TTC again for a sibling for her. It had taken me 3 very long years of unexplained infertility to concieve Olivia, and I was over 35, so we knew if we wanted a sibling for her, we would have to get cracking.

    (This, I guess, Illustrates that I am TOTALLY familiar with the heartache of potential infertility, along with a strong tick tock of biological clock, along with the desire to have more than one baby)

    MBear, do all these comments & experiences help you understand that it may not be discontentment, but simply individual circumstances, in most womens cases?

  18. #36

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    Personally, I had the whole plan before I was even pg...I wanted 2 children close together. As soon as I had Kaleb, people would start hassling me as to "when no. 2 was coming along". I was delighted with Kaleb, but was thinking about another baby straight away, and DH and I decided we would wait till Kaleb was 9 mths and start TTC. I conceived first go, and am absolutely blessed that things worked out for me the way I planned. Now, even when I was still in hospital after Freya, people began asking if we were having any more!

    So I guess I'm saying that I was one of those women talking about having another baby whilst I still had a newborn in my arms. But I also wanted to say that other people always bring it up with new mothers too, IYKWIM?

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