Starfish and Sararose - I do like this idea. She doesn't know any of my friends but I could just organise a general get together. It would probably mean that I would get barely any time to talk to her if I was 'hosting' though as I would be looking after everyone else and the kids. Might diffuse things a bit at a park though and give her DD some more 'boistrous' kids to play with. Formal playgroup's not so much an option as our schedule's pretty packed already.

Lenny - thanks for sharing your story. I was really keen to hear the other side. I know that it'll probably hurt but I'm hopeful that, like you, she'll understand and know that I'm trying to maintain the friendship. I hope so much that she can say the same about her DD too... that the behaviour was 'past tense' and she's much happier and more relaxed in the future. Good on your DS for a great play today!

TFB & LMS - yes, she is well aware of the behaviour and does her best to discipline her DD. I don't agree with all her methods but respect that she's doing what she thinks is best and she does intervene and provide consequences every time. Her DD spent about a third of our visit in her room and her Mum did try re-directing her frequently. I too was trying to position myself between her DD and my kids / her DS and followed through with the consequences / feedback her Mum is electing to use a few times myself when her Mum was making lunch etc. I appreciate that I left the details of the management of the behaviour out - I didn't feel that it was relevant to my question - but TBH, I feel a bit put out to be asked why I was ignoring the behaviour. I don't ignore when my children are in harms way. It was sheer chaos and not all the behaviours could be anticipated and prevented. My friend's DS wailed in my arms for a good part of the visit too as he has reflux and is also probably feeling the stress from Mum and his sister and her DD was quick and all over the place - smiling at my DS one minute and screaming in his face the next.

I'm not sure this behaviour can or should be be 'stomped on'. I personally think a thorough assessment and Psych and Speechie intervention is actually in order - I have gently suggested this some time ago but it seems she's not ready to go there or wants to handle it her way.