Your child's bank account

[briggsy's girl]

lulu - i can see why you're saying no one will be hurt - honest i can - but for me, i can't see a need for multiple accounts if both parents don't agree with it. and i really can't see why handing over your DD's birth certificate to someone is something that should be discarded as a non-event. it is proof of identity. having it gives you access to lots of services for that child - not just opening a bank account. if the partner is threatening to leave if it isn't handed over, i would feel VERY protective of that piece of ID for the child. you know yourself all it takes to prove ID for a child for FTB purposes is a birth certificate...

maybe i'm thinking it through too much - but really, how hard is it to put money into an existing account? it's not. how hard is it to talk things through rather than going behind someones back? it's not.

i think if TK feels suspect, then she is right to not go ahead with handing over the documents - if they want her to go with them to open an account and the bank can confirm that a non-guardian can open the account, fine - but you shouldn't feel obliged to hand something over to grandparents if you don't want to... i sure as hell wouldn't hand over DD's birth certificate to anyone - including my parents - and i'm on reasonably good terms with them and see them weekly!

[Iona Macca]

If Andrew said to me that the relationship would be over if I didn't give his parents a birth certificate, I would be saying "seeya later then"

Do you know what bank they have done it with? If so I would be ringing their bank and seeing what their policy is on opening bank accounts for minors that don't live with them. Personally I would throttle my in-laws and my own parents if they ever tried to do that with my kids. Like you we already have an account in each of the boys names. Money can go in, but it can't come out. Well not for a long time anyway.

My thoughts exactly!!

[misty]

Lulu - I don't think the problem is the bank acc itself, but rather the persistance and lack of respect to the mother in persuing this, against the mothers wishes.

Tk - I would be sticking to your guns. I would tell them, look if you really want to open a bank acc - make it a trust acc so that they don't need to have the birth certificate (and then everyone's interests are protected as they can stipulate on the trust when your DD can get the money - ie, 18th birthday.)

Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable with this. Only parents/gardians are allowed to open normal saving bank acc for children, for anyone else to open a bank acc in anothers name is fraud. Furthermore if they do open an acc in your DD's name - YOU (being her legal gardian and DD being a minor) can legally access it. Perhaps point that out to them.

So like I said their only real choices are a)use the acc you set up, or b)open a trust acc .

[Kailani]

Absolutely no way would I tolerate that from my IL's or DP. To me, your IL's wanting to open up *their own* account for your DD just screams "we want control"!! If they simply wanted to add to your DD's financial future, then they would be more than willing to deposit money into her existing account. But they don't - they want control. Not on!!

I think you've handled it very well and poo to them and your DP. If your DP wants to leave over this, then as Astrolady said, "seeya later!" Sorry if I'm out of line, but it seems to me from what you've posted, that your DP would rather please his parents than even give your opinions the time of day. He should be working with you as a team, not against you

You have every right to be annoyed and angry! If I were you I wouldn't be handing over the certificate either.

[Nicambhar]

If I am correct, I am sure that any family member can obtain a birth certificate from BDM's.... So even if you don't give it to them, I am fairly sure they will be able to order one.

[briggsy's girl]

nope - birth certificates can only be given to the informant - in the case of parents, it's both parents can apply - but he would have to pay for a second one, and provide ID etc. the grandparents can't get them. DH had trouble getting his OWN birth certificate (needed it for ID) cos he didn't have enough ID - go figure!

[Pandora]

If I am correct, I am sure that any family member can obtain a birth certificate from BDM's.... So even if you don't give it to them, I am fairly sure they will be able to order one.

I certainly hope not. Im pretty sure the privacy laws in Australia would mean only the parents can do this.

[Nicambhar]

ah, just checked the BDM QLD site... you need written consent. My appologies for scaring anyone

Eligibility
To get a birth certificate, you must meet the requirements of our certificate access policy.

You can apply for a copy of your own birth certificate.

You are also eligible to apply for a copy of a person?s birth certificate if you are any of the following to the person:

parent
spouse, child, grandparent or sibling (you must obtain written authorisation from the individual)
legal custodian or guardian (you must show proof that you have custody or guardianship of the person)
executor of will or estate (you must show proof of your executor status and give a reason for your application)
solicitor, statutory body or government agency (you must show proof that your firm/agency represents the person, proof of your employment and give a reason for your application).

[Talia*L]

Hmm this seems very suspect to me. I would not hand over that sort of ID for a child unless I trusted them 100 per cent!!! I wouldn't do it in this situation. It sounds like there are all sorts of issues here, and you can use a BC to get a passport etc, and all sorts of stuff. not to be paranoid!

But the issue of opening an account? Hmm doesn't bother me too much, even if they didn't ask - TBH I know of lots of people with trust accounts etc. I would say that you will go WITH them to the bank, but that you will not be handing over the BC. Then hide it somewhere good!

[saslia]

I don't find it odd at all. Both my parents have accounts for the children. It's easier for them to stick money in if and when they feel like it.
Since they are contributing I think they can bloody well do as they please.

What I do find disturbing is that a relationship could be over on the basis of this kind of disagreement.

:yeahthat:

[Visitor8]

er I wouldn't be giving it to them. That is just plain odd! And I wouldn't be happy at DP for blackmailing you that way either.

That is totally unacceptable, as her father and your partner he should have discussed it with you, not bullied you in front of them. And they should be ashamed for making such a big deal about it all.

Hugs hun.

[Manhattan]

Oh TK sweetie, first of all, big hugs to you I cant believe DP is treating you with such little respect by siding with his parents, and giving you an ultimatum like that. If it was me personally, I wouldnt have an issue with say a Trust account been set up, but i do find it odd that the In laws are trying to set up an account in her name, and without even asking. If I were you, I'd be keeping that BC under lock and key. There are plenty of ways around this issue which dont involve using it.

Hoping and praying that this issue can be resolved peacefully hun

[Indadhanu]

I can see why they might want to open an account - they want to bignote themselves to your DD to (when she's old enough to understand obviosuly) by having their own little stash and saying "Here is money WE gave to you". Ok, fair enough, my grandparents did the same and at the end of the day we have items that we say each grandparent "bought us" because it was "their money" IYKWIM. Not a huge issue. Yeah it might seem silly to have multiple accounts, and in a way it is, but sone people are funny like that and like things to be acknowledged, especially if it does eventuate into a large sum, they probably just want to know that they'll have their feet kissed and their praises sung when the time comes (sorry, my own grandmother issue comin through here LOL!)
I would be telling them you won't be giving them the birth certificate, but you'll go down there with it with them (that way the bank knows who the guardian is ). Really, what bad can come of grandparents putting away some savings for DD?

It's pretty immature and a huge overreaction to say "The relationship is OVER if you don't do this". Thats a terrible thing to hang over you every time you disagree, and if thats his way of controlling your actions, I'd tell him to go move in with his mummy then.

[Jellyfish]

I don't find it odd at all. Both my parents have accounts for the children. It's easier for them to stick money in if and when they feel like it.
Since they are contributing I think they can bloody well do as they please.

What I do find disturbing is that a relationship could be over on the basis of this kind of disagreement.

This is how I feel also. Maybe it is because of the relationship I have with my partner and in-laws; I trust them and I feel that all of the Grandparents me, my partner and the choices we make. I don't feel they do this as a form of gaining control but as their way of supporting DD. They have always said and reassured us that there are no strings; the money is to assist in our choices and their contribution in no way entitles them to weigh in on any decision although if we are after advice they are and always will be there for us. If you feel uneasy about it though then I would trust that feeling. I would be trying to open up the lines of communication; it is unfortunate that your partner has reacted in this way because threats really don't help anyone.

[helle]

I don't find it odd at all. Both my parents have accounts for the children. It's easier for them to stick money in if and when they feel like it.
Since they are contributing I think they can bloody well do as they please.

What I do find disturbing is that a relationship could be over on the basis of this kind of disagreement.

Yeah I kinda of agree... when they start playing around with money I have contributed towards my DDor DS's bank account then I think I'd get stroppy.

It is a bit of a worry though that your DP is blackmailing youw ith your relationship that way. I think when a couple starts a family, or even when a couple become committed, the parents of that child should always show a united front, if there is a disagreement then you should come to a compromise before having a fight infront of PIL/Parents otherwise there are going to be weak points of display that some people have no problem taking advatage of.

Just my two bobs worth GL, I hope everything pans out ok.

[mzcatieboo]

i wouldn't be handing over my DS birth cert to anyone let alone whether its family or not. your DD has 1 bank account they should just put the money into that.

[YoYo]

Like many others, there is no way I'd be handing over my DS's birth certificate to anyone! The trust issues seem to be going both ways here. They obviously don't trust you that if they put money into the account you created for your DD that it will stay there, and you don't trust them in handing over the Birth Certificate.

The air needs to be cleared. You are the parents and I would say buggar off to your DP as well for not supporting you. It's not about the bank account, it's about who wants to be in more control.....and as far as i'm concerned, they don't have a right to even think they can gain it!

MY DS has a bank account opened by ME and my MIL would give me $ to put into it for him. She trusts me I guess.....but honestly, as if I'd rip off my own SON! Here we are trying to give them a good start in life by opening them a bank account so young, and for people to think that we are going to rip off our own kids and take the money for ourselves is crazy! (this is the impression I get from your story)

Like someone else said though, it's not going to hurt to have more than one account for your DD, but maybe if the IL's are so intent on opening it, then you go with them and take the BC and take it straight back...don't hand it over to them!

GOOD LUCK

[LimeSlice]

I think I agree with Lu about this.
I personally just don't see the issue...I am not one of those parents though that believes every decision needs to be vetted by me. Grandparents do all sorts of things without asking parents, and so they should - they are grandparents! What harm does it do you if they open a bank account? Why should it be anything to do with you if they want to open an account for their granddaughter?
Sorry but to me it doesnt sound like they are trying to control things, it sounds like you are scared of losing control and giving an inch.

I too though have a massive issue with your DHs response of "its over then" THAT is what I think you should be concerned about...the lack of support and unity in front of your PIL - disagreeing with you is one thing, but you do not pick sides in front of others

jmo though