"I think sometimes ignorance is bliss"

[Glamourcide]

I kind of agree with what's been said in some of the last posts... I'm as passionate as the next person about being educated and informed and choosing your own path, but I try not to push it with people who aren't interested. I make a few hints about being informed and if they ask, I'm happy to help. If they know I'm here to offer advice and choose not to take it, then I wish them well and leave it alone. Sure, it might bug me to see everybody I know saying, 'Oh I'm gonna get an epidural as soon as possible and ramp up the pain relief' or 'I want to be induced at 38 weeks, I'm soooo sick of being pregnant already' or 'I'm going to ask for a c-sec because I'm scared of the pain of being in labour' etc... but all I can do is say, 'I'd be glad to point you in the direction of some information that might help you with those decisions and help you weigh up the risks of various choices' and let them come to me if they feel they want to be educated.

I'm another person who kind of thinks ignorance *is* bliss - I read up on what my options were, but I didn't want to watch birthing videos or any of that kind of business. Watching videos wasn't going to help prepare me for my individual situation, I preferred just to say to myself, 'Yes, it's gonna hurt like hell but it doesn't stop women going back for more babies so it can't be all that bad - if everyone else can do it, you certainly can!' and left it at that. After seeing birthing videos after giving birth, I'm glad I didn't do it before - it was awful. Gory. Uncomfortable to watch. I'm so glad I didn't have those pictures in my head while I was labouring!

[Lulu]

I heard so many horror stories I wanted to be the one to avoid it, not stick my head in the sand.

I agree with you somewhat Glamour - we we shown a birth video at ante natal classes and it was awful - forceps, the baby seemed pulled out quite violently and I cried all the way home from the class.
I don't know why they couldn't have shown something more peaceful and positive....

[Roryrory]

all I can do is say, 'I'd be glad to point you in the direction of some information that might help you with those decisions and help you weigh up the risks of various choices' and let them come to me if they feel they want to be educated.

Glamour I think that is the approach I am going to take (I tend not to be a pushy person so I think I have fallen into that by default).

her Dr may even be more open minded than you think. They're not all out to cut you open and rip you the shreads.

Teagz, I think my OB was one of these. Like I said in my OP I actually think my OB did pretty well given his profession's usual stance on birthing (I am thinking about sending him a belated thankyou card, actually!)

unless you created the bump, I don't think anyone else has the right to tell you how to birth or dictate your choice you make regarding your care.

I agree with this too, and I think that is what Kelly is getting at when she said she knows the feeling. It can be hard to stand by and watch women "choosing" a medicalised (or potentially medicalised) birth when in reality they are following the dictates of insurance companies.

Kelly I have been a member of the BB community for (I think) nearly 4 years now and I am so glad it is the way it is

[Inanna]

Rory like Kelly I too know this feeling well. It is frustrating & a little heartbreaking to me when I see a Woman embarking on the journey of birth and not making informed choice. Independent investigation of the truth is imperative to good decision making.

I see women investigate a mortgage with more time investment than I do their investment in bringing their child into the world. That disturbs me deeply...

Becoming a Mother begins at conception & how a baby is birthed and how the Mother feels, responds, interacts and makes decisions around this huge event set the scene for how she parents.

That is one of the big reasons I am all for informed decision making.

Teagz I understand that birthing a baby after the loss of a baby leads us to different decisions. However, I believe your decision are informed.

I think from what Rory has said that this person is handing over her body and saying La la la I don't wanna know! That to me is a recipe for difficulty.

I would leave the dvd with a card and say: "I wish someone had shown me this when I was preparing for my first birth"...

[BellyBelly]

Great suggestion about the DVD and note, I would agree with that too You can only try - some people are much more responsive with no pressure.

[MamaPan]

yep the dvd and card would def be as far as i would go with it... she can come to you if she wants to talk about it. personally i wouldnt do this in the workplace after i had broached it and she rejected myoffer of info butIF I was to do go further this would be agood approach

[widdly]

I'd say dont mention it to her again. I believe ignorance is bliss, unfortunately Im too smart for my own good and dont have much ignorance! After her first birth she will decide whether she should watch the DVD or not.

I stressed myself quite a bit earlier in the year when two of my sisters had their first babies. They were both quite happy to let their OB lead the way Both ended up in c-sections, but one Im sure could have been avoided, BUT, my sisters are both happy with their births, and thats all that matters i guess

[Trillian]

Just thinking about it more after reading your last post Lulu, maybe she's been told all the 'horror stories' too and she just can't take it anymore and this is her response to that? To give her the benefit of the doubt as well it might be that she's actually **** scared of giving birth - maybe the pg wasn't planned so she may not be mentally prepared for it, maybe her mum or other women in her family have had trouble and it's not ended well and that's playing on her mind, or maybe she's had a loss and just wants to get through the pg and not think about the birth kwim? I guess it's something that for all intents and purposes seems really sad and the outcome somewhat predictable but it could really not be like that at all.

[Patooties]

I usually keep myself out of these type of discussions, but i'm going to be brave.
I am probably similar to the OP's colleague. When pregnant with dd1, I was happy to follow my Ob's advice, I didn't know that there was any other way to give birth. I didn't read too many stories on what could go wrong - because it petrified me. I was induced due to high blood pressure, and because my Ob was calm about it I didn't worry. Thankfully I had an enjoyable birthing experience. With dd2 it was the same. By the time I was pregnant with dd3 I had found Bellybelly. I stayed with my ob, and once again needed to be induced, but this time I was really scared because I now knew what could go wrong. Thankfully, once again, I had a wonderful birthing experience. So I have to say in my case, ignorance was bliss. I tend to get peeved when I read over and over and how sorry people feel for women with similar attitudes to mine. I'm happy with the way things turned out, and incredibly proud of myself for vaginally birthing 3 gorgeous girls.
Ok - got it out. I'm ready for a whipping

eta - ok, shaking after writing this - should i really feel so uncomfortable voicing my feelings?

[dust]

i can absolutely see why ignorance is bliss.... if she goes in with only the expectation of walking out with a baby then she believes that she wont have false expectations of not screaming down the halls, being strapped to a bed, up in stirrups etc etc... then again she might even end up having a totally unexpected home birth???!!
I had #1 with just a few baby magazines (ok so bout 20 odd magazines) education and all i got out of it that i would be vertically birthing, no drugs and quietly (fits my personality anyways) however when it came to the placenta stuff n the shot i was confused as to what i was getting as a shot.. was it the vit K? LMAO! however with a slow start to milk production started my search on what screwed that up, i was convinced it was whatever they had injected me with! So i guess im saying.. let her take her own journey you never know with #2 etc she may just take up your offer Ignorance is bliss until you find that there is a better alternative and sometimes stubborn people will only learn that lesson the hard way.