Babys Father threatening to take me to court over the birth...ADVICE?!?!

[Miss_Dee]

The best idea would be to contact Legal Aid Legal Aid Queensland

They will be able to tell you exactly what your rights are and what his rights are and what action can be taken on each side. Both before and after the baby is born. Make sure you keep all the text messages/emails and save any voice mail messages as this could heavily impact things regarding custody later one.

[nothing2lose]

Mayaness, Problem is that violence is often not enough either Trust me, my child is right now spending the weekend with her father who put me in hospital more than once.

The court also doesn't see that "father-ship" has to be earned. I wish they did.

ETA: I just think it's really important to be educated and realistic about how the Family Court works before you enter into proceedings. My experience is too many people go into it all thinking they have "right" on their side so how could the Court not possibly see it their way. The truth is, it's usually not about "right and fair" - at least not when it comes to the parents. These people who think it is, often leave very, very disheartened by the system. I have a saying about the Family Court - If both sides leave feeling like they have been hard done by then justice has been done.

I imagine, that if it went to court, while your ex wont be allowed in the birthing suite during the labour and birth, he would be allowed to attend the hospital and spend time with the child immediately after the birth. This would likely be supervised. I am not a lawyer but I reckon that's how a court would rule, on the face of it. If you got an AVO now through the Magistrates' Court, that would strengthen your position if and when it got to Family Court.

[alice88]

Yeah, I have decided not telling him I'm in labor is the easiest. I don't think he even knows when I am actually due. Haha.

Thanks for everyones advice. I really just wanted to put my mind at ease for this evening knowing he can't legally FORCE me to let him there, or be there legally without me wanting him there.

It sucks about the drugs & alcohol not affecting his custody rights. :-(
And everyone is probably right, he won't get off his ass and get around to doing anything about it anyway. So I should stop stressing...Lol.

Any other advice is greatly appreciated. :-)

[FabFiona]

I would love him to be an active part of bubs life :-( But am seriously scared for my lil Peanut

Please don't take my question the wrong way. I get you loved this bloke once. I'm genuinely curious.

Why do you want him in your bubs life? From everything you've written, if I were in your shoes, I'd run a mile, move interstate, change my name and move heaven and earth to make sure he never met my baby.

I respect your answer. I'm just trying to understand.





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[alice88]

I would be happy for him to walk away and leave us be right now.
He was a nice man at one point, but things went bad for him when he found out I was pregnant.
If he was to shape up to where he was when we were together, then it would be ok. But the person he is now...I just don't know. I keep hoping that when he says he wants to be a part he has magically changed back to old Mr.

But the reason I won't object to him being in Peanuts life, is basically because he said he wanted to, and I do want my bub to have a Dad, and I just feel as though who am I to tell him he can't be part of bubs life if he wants to be?
plus I legally can't tell him not to be :-(

[Catastrophic]

Hugs xoxox
I suggest you go and seek legal advice through legal aid - Just so that you are informed and aware.
Not telling him when you are in labour is probably your safest bet for him not turning up.

Keep all of your messages and document everything (also keep copies), if he becomes to harrassing or violent this will help in the aid of a DVO. Which will be a little barrier of protection fo ryou, so you can enjoy being pregnant and not having to deal with his tantrums.

[alice88]

General consensus is not tell him I'm on labor.

I was worried that he *might* have been able to somehow get some legal thing telling me he had to be there.
But no, I do not plan on telling him I'm in labor if I don't HAVE to.
If it were upto me, I would like to not tell him for a few months after....but that's unrealistic.
At least at the hospital there are people around, who can and will tell him and make him get out if he starts anything

[Rumpleteaser]

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. what i do know is you can have whoever you want there at the birth and if need be exclude. Your ex has no rights to be at the birth. I would recommend you speak to legal aid, if you get in first i don't think they can represent your ex. It would also be next to impossible for ex to get custody.

[nothing2lose]

Just wanted to point out there is no such thing as "custody" any more. The way it works now is the default position is that both parents have "shared responsibility" for a child. From there it is determined how much time a child spends with each parent. In cases of extreme violence (etc) or by agreement, one parent may be granted sole responsibility but this is very rare.

Rumple teaser is right that you need to get in first for Legal Aid. If he does, you won't be eligible to access them. That goes for Court Duty Solicitors too!

[Kazbah]

Heys Alice .. sorry this is happening to yourself and your little Peanut. Please go see Legal Aid ASAP and get everything documented. Your personal safety is paramount ... i understand you had these very strong feelings about your X but you are *not* responsible, or at fault, or the cause of his actions, his choices. Things went bad for him because of the way he reacted to these stressors for himself - you are *not* at fault.

Please seek legal assistance. Please keep yourself safe. And enjoy your little Peanut.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I am happily married and DH and I are planning more children in the future. He ain't going to be there when I give birth, and that's with us in a decent relationship. He isn't even going to know I'm in labour until the baby is here.

And legally, that's OK.

[Catastrophic]

I am happily married and DH and I are planning more children in the future. He ain't going to be there when I give birth, and that's with us in a decent relationship. He isn't even going to know I'm in labour until the baby is here.

And legally, that's OK.

Can I ask why?

[Smoke Jaguar]

MN, TFB's previous birth history is wrought with disempowerment and her DH was passive and complicit in how it unfolded I hope she doesn't mind my ridiculously short synopsis

[Catastrophic]

MN, TFB's previous birth history is wrought with disempowerment and her DH was passive and complicit in how it unfolded I hope she doesn't mind my ridiculously short synopsis

Ah, I remember. Thanks for that Maya and Fb xoxo hugs!

[alice88]

I want it to be an alright as it can be experience for me.
I am pretty sure the only reason why he is doing this now when he said all along he doesn't want to is because he knows a good male friend of mine will be there.

[Loveinamist]

Does anyone know if breastfeeding can be taken into account when it comes to visitation lengths. I am sure I read somewhere that babies under one do not have to have overnight stays with their father if the mum is breastfeeding. Or is that just in the UK?? Please correct me if I am wrong!

[nothing2lose]

From what I have read, it depends RedRobin. The ABA have an information sheet on it written by a Family Lawyer which states breastfeeding does not automatically "trump" a child's right to contact with the other parent.

I think it depends on the individual case and the other issues, but in the main, until the child is six months old, contact could reasonably be restricted to a few hours several times a week due to breastfeeding.

From what I have read though, there have been some cases where a mother has been seen to be using breastfeeding to thwart contact (at least in the eyes of the father) and it has depended on the individual Judge or Magistrate to determine what is best for the child.

A Family Lawyer could shed much more light on it!

[HotI]

Maybe just not tell him anything about the birth from now on. That part is about you and your body. I would just deflect any questions and not enter into conversation with him about it (i do it with people in my own life who just don't need to know details).

I know breastfeeding does impact on visitation, especially in the first 12 months, but don't know specifics.

ETA Australian Breastfeeding Association - Continuing Breastfeeding after Separation & Divorce (thanks NTL)