So today I was talking to some other mums about trying for our second soon and mentioned that I would have another caesar (first one due to failure to progress). One of the girls, who had a Caesar due to her baby getting stuck, looked at me in disbelief and said 'what? You're not even going to TRY a vaginal birth?' I said no, I had enjoyed my Caesar, no recovery troubles and didn't resent the fact at all. She then went onto say how I would one day regret not feeling a vaginal birth and that 'women like you' are the reason why so many doctors disagree with vbac and on and on. I was so offended and shocked! To be honest, I haven't even considered a vbac because I am happy with my choice to have a caesar, even though I would think I'd be a great candidate for a vbac. She was really so disappointed about not getting her dream birth. I know she spent weeks preparing for the birth and had a huge plan drawn up with her ob, all which meant nothing in the end.
Now I don't know what to think! All my confidence in myself went out the window because I don't 'want' a vaginal birth and don't feel I 'need' it to be complete.
Thoughts? For those who have only had Caesars, is this an issue for you??
For me no. I birthed my baby she was just through the sunroof. I dont think I missed out, the only thing Im missing out on is raising my daughter We are planning for an elective c section next time with a better outcome hopefully.
Dont listen to her, if your happy with your decision thats all you need.
Yep, I wouldn't listen to her, because you're not going to gain anything by listening to her imbalanced POV! There are people you can talk to who will deal with more concrete things. FWIW, 'women like you' are not why docs don't agree to VBAC's - it's just untrue! Sure there are heaps of things you can do to avoid a c-section in the first place, to make sure it's only going to happen if medically necessary (and not caused by the medicalised system in the first place, which is the predominant reason for c-section in this country), and there are plenty of VBACers out there who can point you in the right direction if you want to explore this. Women like your 'friend' do much more harm than good - don't 'wear' her issues. DO talk to someone qualified if this conversation has raised things for you (like 'guilt' for not feeling guilt!).
Many women feel ripped off because they have been affected by the hormone transfer interruption that medical intervention causes. It won't happen for everyone, and it is very prevalent - which is why so many women seek to reclaim their sense of agency next time round. Misgivings or no misgivings, there is no 'right' way to feel after a c-section.
Good luck
Oh that sucks i hate it when people make you feel silly for a decision you have made. Remember that you are you and dont have to live up to anyones expectations.
I think that anyone should do what is going to give them the most internal peace and happiness. I know many women can only feel healed or resolve their issues if they have a VBAC, but I also know some who need the control of a c/s to be able to move on from a previous traumatic birth. I know if it were me I'd want the VBAC, but what she said to you was ignorant and projecting her issues onto you.
Look, I reckon some women see a VB as a defining moment in their womanhood. I've had both a VB and a caesar and I never, ever felt that about my VB, either before, during or afterwards. I wanted a VB because I like to give everything in life a red, hot go IYKWIM - NOT because I thought it made me more of a woman or more of a mother.
I had an elective caesar second time around for medical reasons owing to a long recovery from my VB.
They were just different. I certainly didn't feel less of a mother having a caesar but then, like I said, ultimately the method of birth didn't matter THAT much to me. In terms of bonding, I found it a little different. It took a little longer after the caesar and I reckon (TMI warning here) it's because a baby birthed vaginally carries her mother's smell because she's come through the birth canal and a caesar baby doesn't. They reckon a mum instinctively nuzzles and cuddles her baby to smell her. I found this the biggest difference - DD1 (the VB) smelled of me, DD2 didn't.
I had a ceaser with my first DS because he was breach and way to active to have a natural birth and had a second ceaser with my DS2 because it was the safest option in my eyes i am happy in the decision that the doctors and i made and i dont regret any of it at all. to me it doesnt matter how babies enter the world as long as they enter it happy and health then why should anything else matter.
stick with what you want to do and be happy and proud. Its whats right for you and your family no one else. Im sick to dealth of other mothers putting others down just because they didnt choose the same option that they believe in. its not fair and it should stop everyone is different and everyone does things for different reason and people shouldnt have to justice it to others.
good luck hun with your ceaser and be happy and proud hugs
I agree with trillian here, your friend is projecting her emotions onto you.
For me, 3 x c/s's, I would have liked to attempt a vbac with my last bub - but the only way that was going to happen (in any hospital in my entire state) was for me to go spontaneously; which never happened (by 41+1 anyway). I was so prepared and educated; but logistics won out in the end .
I now look at my babies (all 3 of them) and am happy with the way they were all born.
3 of my babies have been born via c/s. Sometimes I think about it and wish I could have one more vaginal delivery but then i remember just how exhausted I was after I had my son and I didn't see him properly for 5 hours because I was asleep.. With the others the reason I didn't see them for a few hours was because they were in SCN
I opted for a c/s with my 2nd due to them constantly telling me he was big yada yada.. I was planning of fighting them but well waters broke and my fear took over.. It all worked out for the best though. as 12 hours after his birth he became sick with seizures and would stop breathing and I believe that if I had gone ahead with a vaginal delivery he wouldn't be here today. So fear of something like that happening again we opted for a c/s with our 3rd son. I did contemplate a vaginal with DD but decided for me personally it wasn't worth the risk
If you feel comfortable in your decision then don't let anyone talk you down. When ds2 was 5 months old we were at a family wedding and 2 of DH's cousins are peadiatric nurses and when I mentioned I had a c/s and was planning on it for the next one as well they really talked down to me and made me doubt my decisions. After I went home I was feeling really down and wondered if I had made the right decision to go ahead with another c/s (I wasn't even pregnant and was already doubting everything) DH told me to ignore what they said as what we do has no impact on them and we know what is right for us as a family and from then on I didn't let anyone say anything. I would stop them and say you know what it doesn't matter how a baby gets here as long as it is healthy and the mum and dad are happy with their decision.. I am a little over the negativity around c/s (in some circles not on here)
Caesar with DD and don't feel missed out at all, this one I will try for VBAC if bubs is playing ball but mainly because I want him to choose his own way, and think recovery with having a toddler will be easier but I don't have a big desire for vaginal birth and am happy to hear that am not the only one. I understand why others want it but those feelings just don't happen for me, I wonder if not wanting it enough will work against me having a VBAC but then again I think maybe my go with the flow attitude will help. You can only feel what you feel and everyone is different, I certainly disagree with the statement that you will regret it later.
C section with my twins but it was always in the cards. It wasn't until I feel pg with ds3 and people started telling me I "couldnt" do it did I feel ripped off. I will be attempting a VBAC again this time but will never rule out a c section. The choice is yours at the end of the day. Stay away from that kind of negativity. Good luck.
DS was born by emergency c/s and I did feel a little disappointed at first that things didn't go according to plan (from natural, drug free water birth to epidural and c/s!) and sometimes I wish I'd had the opportunity to experience the whole giving birth thing. However, I had 22 hours of labour before the c/s so I did get to experience some! I will definitely be going for a VBAC if/when I have another as I don't believe in having major surgery when it's not necessary, or pumping drugs into mine (and bubs) systems when they don't need to be. Millions of women give birth naturally and I am just as capable as any of them, so why not give it a go ? And I've done a fair bit of reading into outcomes of c/s vs vb for babies. However, having a c/s doesn't make me less of a mother, or less bonded with DS. And if I need to have another c/s for medical reasons, I will! What your friend said to you was out of order and unasked for. It's your decision to make, so weigh up all the options and do what's best for you, not what others deem is 'right'.
Do what ever makes you comfortable and happy at the end of the day as long as bub is here safe is all that matters.
Me having given birth naturally to 4 children and my 5th and last a c section due to placenta previa i dont feel like i missed out at all my girl is here safe BUT! i will tell you i would never opt for a c section it was horrible compared to my natural births i was up and showered within 1/2 hour of all their births i had wonderful births and would do that again in a heartbeat the ceasar for me was bloody awful.
Wtf is with people telling you what you should do and being so pushy about it? Gosh that makes me angry! You do whatever makes you happy!
Personally, after my c/s I didn't have any birth trauma or anything but I was dissapointed that I didn't get to experience a VB and I found that every time someone mentioned how I 'gave birth' in my head I would think 'I didn't actually give birth though'. I knew it was wrong to think that because I had 35+ hrs of labour and gave it a bloody good go but somehow that bit at the end meant a lot to me So next time I opted for a VBAC and I'm so glad I did because it was the perfect birth for me.
I had a planned c/s with DD at 34 weeks. She had stopped growing, was in breech, and had a serious birth defect that resulting in her having her bowels on the outside of her body.
I knew I was going to have a c/s. Althought ALOT of women with Gastroschisis bubs (DD's defect) do have VB's, with DD being in breech it wasn't a possibility.
My recovery was fine, I was up and walking around The Royal Children's the very next day.
I would like C/S next time, but if I don't, then I don't. As long as bubby gets here safe, thats all that matters. I may even opt for a c/s next time if I go overdue because my last one was so fantastic.
Its your choice. Don't let anything tell you otherwise.
I had 2x c/s and do feel like I missed out a bit - but without both my girls wouldn't be here and the feeling of disappointment gets less as time goes on. Also if I had to make a choice between a natural birth and a trouble-free pregnancy and breastfeeding relationship I would opt for the c/s. I try to focus on the bits that were positive ie. I had 2 great pregnancies with no issues at all and I BF both DD's for over 14 months so looking back I do feel happy and blessed that I was able to do the thing that was ultimately the most important thing to me.
You need to do what you feel will be the best thing for you and your baby. If that is another c/s then that is your decision. Your friend is projecting her own desires on to you and that isn't fair.
I have had 2 emergency ceasers, one while trying for a vbac and i always feel i have missed out, but these are my own issues and as time goes on it gets easier. I would be like that lady BUT i wouldnt tell you what i think is right for you! If your comfortable with the decisions you have made thats all that matters, dont worry about her opinions....that are just that HER opinions and not what is going to work for you
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Caesar mums- do you feel you missed out?
We are planning for an elective c section next time with a better outcome hopefully.
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So next time I opted for a VBAC and I'm so glad I did because it was the perfect birth for me.
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