fiona, its interesting but i have already told myself that if i need an epidural agin then i;ll have one!! just never ever again have pethidene!! i think sometimes along as im actually conscious (pethidene) during the labour then im doing good! and i often think would i feel the same if i just gone straight to the epidural and had a clearer mind when sophie was actually born, that i wouldnt feel like this, i feel i cheated of some memories of sophie birth due to simply not remebering.

i really need to stop putting so much pressure on myself dont i!!!

to be honest i really dont want to avoid the tearing! im still getiing over the pain of that, painfully DTD 16 months later and the memories of the pain from that episotomy just dont go away