Hi AJP

First things first, don't compare your birth to other women's births and think you are a failure by comparison. You're not - who knows - 99% of women may have had an epidural and tears if they'd experienced the length and pain of your labour but the truth is, only you did, so we'll never know.

Secondly, I think it's a fantastic decision to get a doula.

Thirdly, I found that I put a lot of pressure on myself in my third trimester to have a drug-free birth so much so that it was beginning to get me down and I was getting stressed by the expectations I had put on myself. Then I read, what I think is a fantastic book by Juju Sundin called, I think, New Active Birth (I've lent it to numerous people so don't have it to hand). Basically, Juju argues that you can never feel a failure if you know you've done your very best to have a drug-free labour and that means learning some pain management techniques and trying to use those for as long as possible. I used then in my labour and they were terrific - I did end up having an epidural but I didn't feel a failure because I had the peace of mind of knowing I'd tried by absolute best. So if you get chance, I'd have a read. I literally cried with relief when I read it because it made so much sense.