First time birth-please help

[Mel!]

Hi All. I have been reading many threads in here and a variety on other web pages also. My hubby of 4yrs and I have decided we are ready for a bub (yay, sooooo excited) but didnt realize how much information is out there. I have another thread up in regarda to searching for an ob and or hopsital/birth centre.

Anyway, after reading so many posts i have come to a conclusion that a hell of alot of women do the usual first birth thing, hospital, ob, on thier back on the bed, that sound as though 9 times out of 10 end in serious intervention ie; episiotomy, vacuum, forcep and or emergency caeser. Or just a really nasty tear. Then they decide that for subsequent births they do not want to experience such a traumatic ordeal and research other methods/ways to birth to avoid trauma experienced 1st time round.



Now my concern/question is to any out there that can please try help me is, why would i, after hearing all there nasty first experience stories, put myself through the normal option, (ob, lying on back hoping for the best) just to see how i go and put my body under the faith of the hospital system, who sound as though they can intervien uneccesarily, when i can take the advice of alot of women on these forums and use a family birthing centre, or waterbirth or some alterantive techniques from day one to avoid such a traumatic experience that alot of women tend to experience first time round.



OR----- Regardless of what i do or where i go, is the first time gonna be quite traumatic anyway purely coz it's the first time and everything has to move and stretch for the very 1st time anyway.



I'm totally confused, does the traumatic experience only happen to those who are under educated about birth and leave it in the hands of the ob/hospital, or is it just the normal result coincidering its the first time.



Sorry to babble of if anything spund so presumed, but it kinda is as i'm going on majority basis an dunderstand that not everyone falls into this catagory.



And just to conclude i think these style of internet sites that help women share and confide on each othe is just amazing. I'm loving reading everyones stories and experience (even the bad ones) because and the end of the day, it all results in beautiful babies.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Hi Mel, welcome to BB.

I don't want to be overly emotive, so I'll just type a short reply. (Sounds of "ha!" from those who know how much I type here LOL.)

A lot of women trust people who don't deserve their trust. Women do prepare themselves for birth to some degree or another, some more than others. But the ultimate thing is - has anyone else prepared themselves for your birth? Obs and midwives don't, to many of them you are just another customer. Probably can't remember your name if it wasn't on the notes in front of them. Trusting them is something that you WANT to do, but really shouldn't. You should be able to trust your birth support to support you, but if this is their first time and they haven't educated themselves, they won't be a support.

I was very educated and not scared, and while I was left alone I had a wonderful labour. Enjoyed it even. My husband was very disinterested in labour and birth beforehand, so caused a few problems. My midwives were more interested in my notes than me, and wanted the Obs to be more involved (he was lovely, in hindsight, and really didn't need to be!). That didn't help. TBH, knowing a few of the local midwives, they really aren't that fantastic with homebirths. The best way to homebirth locally is to acknowledge you are doing this alone, the midwives will turn up towards the end of the pushing - or just after the placenta comes out. There's no rush or concern. If they do arrive, they want to transfer you 9 times out of 10 so they can go home.

You need SUPPORT PEOPLE who SUPPORT you - then you can do anything! Be that birthing or walking naked around the world. (Just two of my dreams there LMAO.) It isn't about being a first-timer or under-educated, it's about the support and care you receive 99% of the time.

Oh yes - and from me, this is a short reply! Hope it helped and good luck with your conception, pregnancy and birth journey.

[Tan2705]

Hi and welcome Mel!

I did the usual first birth thing with DS - hospital, OB, on my back and I personally do not think the two are mutually exclusive ie: first birth = traumatic birth!

My birth story might help shed some light on your queries. I was 41+2 when my OB recommended an induction - my cerivx wasn't ripening and was still extremely high which made it impossible to even do a stretch and sweep, bub was however well and truely engaged. I had been measuring a good 4-6 weeks further along than my actual dates throughout my entire pregnancy so we were expecting a biggish baby - at no point did he mention c-section, if he had I would have declined anyhow. I had a cervidil inserted for 24 hours to try soften the cervix but it did nothing. He tried again to do a stretch and sweep and this time was successful - he did manage however to nick bub's head with whatever instrumentation he used - he knew as soon as it happened but said it possed no risk FYI he has a teeny tiny scar on the back of his head to this day - no biggy! Still no progression so I was put on the synto drip - this I do regret. I wanted to birth in the water but the contractions came hard and fast, I was in so much pain I could barely move and after much insistance the midwife did an internal to discover I had dilated 6 cms in an hour! They started to run the bath but it never did fill in time. I wanted a drug free birth but surrendered and asked for some relief, I recived a peth shot (i reget this too) but as it took 20 odd minutes to kick in I opted for the gas also... I was well and truely high and what seemed like an entire day passed, it was only 2 and half hours bub was ready for his big debut into the world - 7 pushes and he arrived, the whole 4.365kgs of him, I only had a small graze and needed no additional intervention.

It was a whirl wind birth but as I mentioned before definately not traumatic. As for my regrets - they seemed to spiral from agreeing to an induction.. I had not had a braxtion hicks contraction and really had no idea what I was in for, something must be said for the natural progression of labour and that is what I will opt for this time! I am again opting for a hopsital birth, private with an OB. They believe it may be another big bub but I have already made it clear that things will happen on their own accord this time round and my OB has no qualms about that!

And yes BellyBelly is amazing.. I have tried many different pregnancy forums and this for me is the hands down winner! I wish you all the best in your pending pregnancy, best of luck trying to concieve - that's the fun part and may your decisions be informed and ultimately what is best for you and your bub to be!

Tania xo

Please forgive me if this is abit all over the shop (the grammar and spelling is terrible ) it is half one in the morning and I have had little sleep for the last few nights due to heartburn UGH.. the joys third trimester pregnancy something to look forward too....

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

I had the exact experience you describe; I was in hospital with an epi on my back for the first birth (no other intervention other than pain relief and only a 1st degree tear though) and had a beautiful home waterbirth for my second.
I do think that having had the first experience actually helped me cope with the second; I found the first time so painful, that the whole way through my second labour I kept thinking "this is nothing, it's going to get a lot stronger", right up until I started pushing lol! Having said that, my second labour was also posterior so technically it should've been MORE painful. I do think the degree of pain had a lot to do with the setting though.

I agree, it's all about support people. My downfall in my first labour was 1) expecting my labour to progress the way it does in the books, 2) expecting the midwives to actually help me when I asked them to (they completely ignored me and DPs requests for help when I became scared and they refused even though it was a quiet night), and 3) expecting that I would just "tough it out" no matter how bad it was. Actually the fourth thing I did wrong was expecting DP to be my support person. I think it's a very rare kind of man who will actually do the prep work and perform on the day, at best they do the best they can but still fall short. My DP fell asleep during both labours, in fact he nearly missed the birth of #2 altogether!

Anyway, my point is that if you have realistic expectations (hard to do when you've never experienced it for sure) and good support people, you should be fine. The other thing to keep in mind is that you have the right to refuse any and all of the interventions they push on you in hospital. I highly recommend having a doula if you're going to give birth in hospital. I don't think at all that trauma is inherent in the first-time birthing experience, the trauma is caused when things go wrong. Birth is a beautiful thing and can be the most amazing experience you ever have in your life. You don't need to have a bad experience just because it's your first, not by any means!

[Sagres]

Wow, your post really looks at things from a different perspective from what I'd thought of before, it's good to hear different perspectives.

I don't think I can answer all your questions but I guess I feel I should point out a few things that struck me while reading your post.

Traumatic birth experiences - as much as we would like it not to be the case, delivering babies comes with risks. Unfortunately things can and do happen that make the experience traumatic. Years ago many women and babies died during child birth because the knowledge and methods were just not around to deal with when these risks became realities. So what you will learn from this site and others like it is that you make choices in your care and delivery that increase the chances of things going well or badly, but at the end of the day there are a lot of physical aspects of birthing that will go the way they are going to go regardless of what we do or don't do. For example some babies end up laying in a position that doesn't allow them to get down the birth canal. You can see an ob, a midwife, birth in a hospital, in a birthing centre, at home, heck try in the zoo if you like but that baby isn't going to come out sideways whatever you do.

You say that people most people see an ob, birth on their back and 9 times out of 10 this ends traumatically. I don't have statistics on this but the anecdotal evidence I have seen does not support this. Lots of women choose this model of care and have great births. I am on another forum where I would say 80% of women have chosen this path and probably 95% of that 80% have been really happy with their birth experiences. I guess what I am trying to say is that I think the members of this forum may not statistically represent the wider community. Because there is a lot of information about birth choices on here it attracts women who are looking for that information i.e. women who have had bad experiences and want future experiences to be better. I think this site is fabulous and has some exception information for women, but I wouldn't use it as a statistical measuring stick.

As for interventions leading to more interventions - I think the evidence is so strong that in many cases this is true. This is what I was talking about earlier, there are many choices that you can make that will increase the chances of a birth going well. But we also need to realise that different women are faced with very different births and any 'one size fits all' statement is not always true. So while I whole heartedly agree that unnecessary intervention can cause more unecessary intervention in many birth stories, there are equally birth stories where intervention prevents other intervention. For example I had some interventions which meant that I was able to be conscious when my DD was born, and my SIL was able to have a vaginal delivery after an induction which would have been a certain C-section had the baby arrived later and bigger (baby was large, got very very stuck, mother and baby suffered injuries from getting baby unstuck, was VERY VERY close to being a C-section).

I think the best thing you can do, as you have mentioned, is be educated. Know what choices to make to increase your chances of having a posative birth experience. At the same time keep in mind that some things are just going to happen how they are going to happen and you can only go with the flow and do the best you can.

First birth experiences aren't traumatic just because they are first births. I think if you are in the dark about the birthing process you are more likely to have a negative experience, but at the same time I know many women who are very in the dark who have had very posative experiences. I think it is a bit of education and a bit of luck.

Good luck...x

[Mel!]

Thank you for all replies.

Lady Zaidie - Very true what you say about others not preparred for MY birth, i never actually thought if it on that way. My hubby just wants to go with an ob privately and endure our own first experience. Where as i am gaining all this information from people like yourself, so i can try avoid some of the mistakes made by others, and just getting people who have actually been there's advice to perhaps help me. I am glad you enjoyed your wonderful labour, even if it was lonely.

Tan 2705 - Congrats on the 3rd pregnancy. Thankyou for your story, i like that you included some things that you felt were the downfall, however fesulting in just a graze you must be happy with that.

Neenee - Thankyou for posting a reply. Waterbirthing sounds and looks amazing. Do you wish you's done that first time around. I think it byfar looks like the calmed relaxed way to have to do it. However my hubby does not particularly agree, not to mention my family too. And i am a bit concerned about my first time from home. As in Perth hospital dont really allow waterbirthing (bummer, otherwise that would be the ideal)

Sagrees - Thankyou for replying to my post. I totally agree that not every one is the same, however i was just seemed to be getting a general idea that that was a typical story of many womens experiences. My point was simply when so many women have waterbirths, or birthcenter births and homebirths second and third or more time around, do they wish they did that from the first, or would a waterbirth resulted in a simular result to thier first not so positive experience regardless purely because it was thier first. I dunno, i'm just knew at all this and hoped some peoples experiences might shed a lil bit of tlight into the topic.

I dont know if i what i have written has come across right, but i get what its meant to mean, i hope you guys do too. I dont want anyone to take any offence to anythink or feel as though i'm and generalizing too much, but i guess i kind of am.

Again thanks to all for you help.
Your all wonderful

[CinderToriella]

will reply soon

[Sagres]

My point was simply when so many women have waterbirths, or birthcenter births and homebirths second and third or more time around, do they wish they did that from the first, or would a waterbirth resulted in a simular result to thier first not so positive experience regardless purely because it was thier first.

I suspect (but don't know) that some women would have liked a home or water birth first time around but the information and 'confidence' wasn't available to them at the time.
I also suspect some women are looking for other options because their first birth experience was negative. If their first experience was less negative they may not feel the need to search for options. I know I was one of the ones who was in a hospital with a private ob and I was happy with my experience and will choose that path again (one of the advantages of this path is you can hand pick an ob and hospital that is most inline with your preferences), but I think if it had of gone different I may be looking for other options.
So the answer may be a bit of both

[Mel!]

Sagres - Yeah so true what your saying. And i guess the home/water thing does need a hell of alot of confidence thats for sure. And yes i also believe that alot of people out there who had a pleasant/bearable 1st ones, are probly not inclined to comment and read/join these thread too much. Its mainly thed negatives ones searching for a better alternative.
However i'm so glad that you had such a possitive experience with your 1st birth and it hasnt given you any concerns for the second, what a relief huh?

[Sagres]

To be totally honest I think a large part of being happy with the experience was due to what I think were realistic expectations. I'm pretty sure some other people would not feel happy with exactly the same birth as I had. Things didn't go to plan but I think between me and the midwife and the ob we made the best of the situation and I am happy with that. I feel sad for people who have very set ideas about how their birth is going to go and aren't able to achieve it due to very real risks and complications. I really wished they didn't have the complications but at the same time I think there is a correllation between expectations and satisfaction with outcomes.

LOL I wouldn't say I had no concerns for the next birth, the first happened so bloomin quick I'm scared I won't make it to the hospital and be the woman on the news that had her baby on the side of the road!

[Roryrory]

I am at work ATM so have to be quick - ditto what the others have said, plus I think it is extremely important that your husband be equally informed about these sorts of issues. Personally I had #1 with an OB, in a private hospital, on my back, but had a relatively good outcome (no forceps or c/s and no drugs other than useless gas). But it was my DH's insistence that I stay at home as long as I did during the labour that led me to be 9cm dilated before I got to hospital, so there was less scope for the OB to interfere. Also, earlier in my labour my OB suggested quite strongly that I stay at the hospital overnight - I insisted on going home and it was only because DH knew where I was coming from that we could stand firm on this.

So you need to make sure, whatever your decision in the end, that your husband knows as much as you do, otherwise it is more likely he will be the one pressuring you down an unfriendly path due to his own ill-informed fears....

[Mummato2]

To be totally honest I think a large part of being happy with the experience was due to what I think were realistic expectations. I'm pretty sure some other people would not feel happy with exactly the same birth as I had. Things didn't go to plan but I think between me and the midwife and the ob we made the best of the situation and I am happy with that. I feel sad for people who have very set ideas about how their birth is going to go and aren't able to achieve it due to very real risks and complications. I really wished they didn't have the complications but at the same time I think there is a correllation between expectations and satisfaction with outcomes.

LOL I wouldn't say I had no concerns for the next birth, the first happened so bloomin quick I'm scared I won't make it to the hospital and be the woman on the news that had her baby on the side of the road!

Well said.

It comes down to what your vision is for child birth.

My first was a hospital induction complete with epidural and stitches.

This time around I am eager to avoid the induction and have opted for the BC - HOWEVER I have said to my DH that once natural labour starts, if I think for a moment that I won't cope when it ramps up, then head straight to the hospital for an epidural.

I'm ok with this - after experiencing the epidural first time around - it brought absolute bliss. BUT I'd like to know the difference between an induced labour and a natural one - and if it looks like I can cope then I try to.

It comes down to being informed of your options, owning them and then not feeling guilt about them.

[Kailani]

As others have said, first birth and traumatic birth do not necessarily go hand in hand.

Getting informed on birth and your options, having great support people and following your own instincts rather than what the ob says, will all help a whole heap though!

FWIW, I had my first baby last year - labour started on its own with waters breaking spontaneously (all over my bed!), DS was born 2 and a half hours later, no drugs/intervention whatsoever (no time really, by the time I got to hospital). I had an independent midwife and delivered at a birth centre. I think my story is an exception though, as the labour/birth was too short to even consider intervention. I was so pleased that it was a shortish labour, however some people tell me that it could have been more painful and intense than longer labours but I have nothing to compare it to so who knows!

Nonetheless, I'm so glad I did my research, joined BB, educated my DP, and employed an independent midwife. I felt more prepared and relaxed and I knew my options. HTH!

[SammyRo]

I def agree with the pp's who say that being educated and informed make the difference.

I had a positive, although difficult, first labour. I researched the options open to me (don't have private cover) and chose to do midwifery group practive in a birth centre attached to a hospital (ie it was two rooms, at one end of the labour&delivery unit). Had I gone the obs/private route, I think my labour would have been a completly different story. If you know you want to avoid intervention etc, then its best to inform yourself and find a place that supports this.

In my case, DD's labour from my waters breaking to her being born was around 30 hours, although probably only 15hours of this was classed as real labour. Nothing much happened in the first 15hours, but luckily my mw left me to it at home. Once things got going, she visited me at home and tried to encourage me to stay there even longer, but I was anxious and nervous so we headed into hospital. DD was posterior so got stuck and I was pushing for 2.5hours. During this time, the mw monitored DD's hb but was never concerned so again let me just get on with it. She even at one point talked me out of forceps when I asked her to "just pull the baby out"!

I really think that it was the good relationship I had with the mw, the model of care, and DH's support that meant that I got to have a natural birth. As I said, if I'd have gone the obs route, I probably would have been said to be 'failure to progress' or whatever they called it, and it would have ended up with some form of intervention.

Good luck in getting the birth you want!

[beckoes]

I can see where your coming from and before i had DD i thought the same, had a birth plan that listed all these things i did and didnt want to happen. I read all the books, educated myself quite well i think. had a plan. had DP clued up a bit and thought it woul be different for me....all these people who let them selves be walked on by thier carers or dont educate them selves...how silly...not me!!!

How wrong i was!

I didnt take into account how uncontrolable things are when its actually going on.....my birth plan was never read, DP forget everything we had talked about, I forgot everything we had talked about and read. being told to jump be the midwives and just sheepishly asking 'how high'. It all just went out the window! like a little snow ball, turning into an avalanch(sp)...before i know it i had needles in my arms, an epidural, on the bed on my back!! and there goes my first birth...not how i planned at all....but none the less a beautiful day as i had my precious DD and a family i had always dreamed of.....

needless to say, next time will be different, the only difference is that next time i know what to expect, I know what i will be like if i dont stick up for myself and try to achieve what i want and that next time i will have a doula!!!!! to be the third party i need to make sure i dont end up in the state i did before......unless its unavoidable of course, because thats the main thing i learned-you never know whats going to happen and each birth is so different and you CAN NOT PLAN for it really, only set your self up as best you can to get the outcome you think youd most like.

Good luck and welcome to BB

[Lolli]

I just wanted to reiterate what everyone else has pretty much said- support people who actually support you, and are clear on what you want, are vital. Sometimes birth- even a really good birth- can leave you in a state of shock, wher you just - "uh, yeah, ok" to whatever anyone. You really need someone who is very clear on what you wnat, who will jump in and remind me of what direction you wanted to head in (and tell your medical staff the same). I think that is where a doula can come in really handy.

Good luck with your birth

[skeetaboat]

I get what you're asking Mel, and while I don't think that first births are always traumatic, it seems to be that the majority of traumatic births are firsts. Consequently, I have sometimes wondered how many women experience 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc births that are traumatic? Or is it that by nature of the fact that with 2nd and subsequent births you know what you're in for, you're more likely to know what you want, and less likely to be traumatised by the exeperience?

Anyone else have thoughts on this?

I think the fact that the body has not birthed before could make first births generally more difficult/traumatic than 2nd and subsequent births (I mean generally speaking; there would of course be many women who have not experienced this to be the case!), but I think there are several other first-birth factors that contribute to the fact that there are higher rates of first births that are traumatic birth compared to 2nd and subsequent births that are traumatic. I think some of the factors include: the nature of the expierience and lack of preparation/understanding about the physiological process of birth (unique to firsts), unnecessary intervention (when the woman doesn't understand her options, more likely in firsts) and poor/inadequate care (when women don't realise that their chosen 'care giver' doesn't necessarily care! Also more likely in firsts). The good news is that by nature of the fact that you're doing your research, you should avoid most of these But, as others have said, there are also factors in traumatic births that would have been there regardless of whether it was a first birth or not - positioning, foetal distress, etc.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Mel, I had an OK time for the first 28 hours of labour - I would say fantastic, but sometimes midwives appeared and whinged at me and told me off. The last five hours were fairly crap. I've been told by another midwife for that trust that they didn't listen to me ("I am in labour." "I'm not in pain." "I am aware of drugs, I don't want them at the moment, it really doesn't hurt." "I am going to push because that's what my body is doing and you've just said I'm fully dialated.") because it was my first time. So maybe the first time is worse not because of the mother being unprepared, but because of the expectations of the midwives to just treat you as an idiot and not listen to a word you say.