Funny things you said in labour

[MantaRay]

I had fast labours so the contractions were on top of each other from the beginning. I remember with DS2 - who was a 3 hour labour - saying to the mw "where is my 5 minute break between contractions that I was promised. I want my break".

And with DS1, after being in denial about being in labour and telling them when I arrived that I wasn't in labour yet, after I'd been there a while, they asked me to lie on my back for an internal and a contraction hit while I was on my back - "oh, I think I'm in labour" I said. They all laughed - I was the last to catch on!!

[BellyBelly]

I've seen on many birth dvd's where women say, 'its a baby!' or 'i've got a baby!' over and over again. A funny one my teacher told us was at homebirths, women say stuff like,

'I know the midwife cost us a f**** fortune... but give me the bloody keys I am going to get me an epidural,' and stuff like that LOL.

[REEZY]

with the first I remember telling my partner if it wasn't for him i wouldn't be there.

He missed the second cause he was born at 6:00 in morning 125kms away. i had to convince the midwife tho who wouldn't listen that i was actually having him(was already in hospital). in the end i just pushed and he came out she pooped herself.

with the 3rd i told my partner over a hundred times to shut up even if he looked at me he was told to shut up. didn't really want him near me just the midwife she new what i wanted he sat there peeping over the top of a mag not game to talk.

[Olive]

i kept saying i wanted to go home!

[jemima]

I remember with DS#1 that as I was walking into the labour ward I heard another woman screaming/yelling and she obviously in a lot of pain. I whispered to DH "there is no way I will be making that much noise as I will be too self conscious and embarassed". Well a few hours later I was making just as much if not more noise as the woman I heard when we were walking in.

I also remember yelling at DH during the labour to eat an apple. He was like "what??" and I yelled at him to eat the apple that was packed in my bag. Weird - I have no idea why I was so desperate for him to eat the apple LOL!!

[RhiChiChi]

I remember telling DH two things, which at the time I was dead serious, but not now, I take it back and it certainly was not funny at the time.
I told him that 'sorry, we will not be having anymore children, just the one as I can't go through labour again' and then 'I change my mind I want a c-sect' after electing to have my waters broken/be induced.

[minyma]

While in labour there were 2 Peadiatricians in the room 'waiting' for me to deliver. I told them they had time to go make popcorn if they wanted?! Very unnerving trying to push a baby out when people are standing aroung 'waiting'!!

[shorty]

Lol! I had the gas in the last hour(15hours) and it was the weirdest thing ive ever felt, its like you are in a tunnel, so when my sis in law or dp were talking to me it was like an echo. I remember DP was asking me if he could leave while he went to the toilet i think, and sis in law asked if it was ok and she said she would stay with me. I couldnt remember her name and all i could say was "Joel's mum".."joel's mum".

My sis in law told me when Logan's head was crowning DP goes "far out thats a big head!", lucky i didnt hear him lol.

[youngmumof3]

i was saying to dp the whole time i didnt want to do it now im to tired and will come back tomorrow and have him i had been having contractions for 4 days at 25 mins apart

[~Kate~]

I had an emergency c/s and hardly went thru a proper labour at all but remember telling the dr that if he wanted to do a tummy tuck while he was there then go ahead.

I love this thread BTW, makes me jealous a bit

[2CheekyMonkeys]

as she was crowning i called out ' owwww my bum' and then 'ohhhhhh yyyeeeeaahhh' as she came gushin out.

[Inanna]

This is the BEST bump MR

I haven't stopped laughing

I am another that always says "OMG IT"S a REAL baby!!!! mmmm

DS7 my DD13 was at his birth - she kept trying to give me a drink through a straw and sticking it up my nostril. I was in deep transition and just couldn't talk. I tried to but the words didnt come out right... Get this straw out! was all I could softly mutter. DH kept asking What? Finally I said get the *&*&ing straw out of my nose! DD13 (was 6 at the time) said Mum it's not okay to use those words....

DD4: I had been mucking around a bit much - enjoying my labour in the pool and had my kids in and out. I asked for the time and was told it was 10.15pm - I said WHAT???!!! I asked to be checked for dilatation - only 7 centimetres. I was devastated. I leaned over the side of the pool and looked into my SIL eyes (she has had no kids but been at 2 of my other births) and said I just have to do this don't I? She looked at me like I had 20 heads and said ... "Well yes Deb...."
Within the next couple of contractions I pushed with everything I had and I felt Evie slide out and felt that massive relief that you feel when that baby is born. I growled in that primal voice that only a woman that's just pushed out a baby uses... "She's out!" DH said, yes Sweety it won't be long now. The Midwife said "you're doing so well"... I said no she's out! The midwife bolted up and said "are you sure" and I said yes as I felt around in the dark (only candles!) for her. The torch light hit her beautiful body as I was bringing her up to take her first breath! Everyone cheered. It was really funny - and a story she loves to hear!

[Je$$_84]

With my first i have gas and it wasnt doing much so i threw the tube across the room... I told my DP "I need something" so he asked them for something for pain relief... She comes over picks up the tube and said just keep sucking on this and i was like its not working when she said oh ok i'll turn it up i apparently said "f**k why didnt you turn it up the first time i'm having a freakin baby u know" after 15 mins and contractions every like 30 sec (had my waters broken and made things very hard and fast) i asked for more pain relief so they put pethadine (spl) in the drip and while i was screming during a contraction the MW jabbed me in the leg... i yelled at her that it bloody hurt and she said she thought it would be ok as i would be concentrating on the contractions and i told her" Like i wouldnt notice a needle jabbing my freakin leg" Also i told DP i hated him for making it happen to me. and telling the MW's off oh also my DP tells everyone that when i couldnt push anymore the MW told me they would get the suction so i replyed "good suck the bloody thing out"

My second was very quick (induced with 1 lot of gel and 2 hours later bubs arrived) i was taken up top the labour ward an hour and a 45 mins after the gel with bad contractions me crying begging DP to help me and asking why he wasnt helping. they were puching me so fast ( 8 cm dilated with a show... didnt believe the gel would work so quick) i said slow down or you'kll give the baby a head cold.... the wind was whistling up my gown.... then when we got there i asked for pain relief so they gave me gas and 1st beg suck i said (quite loud i'm told) "F**k this is good stuff"and 3 mins later and 1 push bubs popped out and i didnt even know... (too high from the weird gas.... The gas makes things sound like there echoing.... its hard to descibe but like i said then "good stuf" lol

[Bun]

I love these stories!

Deb - that story is just beautiful!

I don't remember doing anything too hilarious during labour, apart from yelling at poor DH constantly and telling the OB over and over again 'I can't do this, it is NEVER going to come out!', to which he would reply 'Yes, you can' and I would say "NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I REALLY CAN'T DO THIS!'. I guess he was right in the end!

[meow]

These are great- I can't believe how much some of you were talking! I was so absorbed by the pain and the process I didn't say much. I remember Kelly having a chuckle when I said thanks every time I passed back the water which I asked for in between pretty much every contraction. Also after I had been pushing for about 2 hours the midwife did one of her quick checks of bubba's heartbeat and said "Baby is fine"- I replied "They are not fine! They're still in there!" and she laughed at me.

[madamerogers]

we were meant to be having great pizza at our local fave that night, i went into labour at 430 am, with dh father and close friends of ours, and im not sure at which stage i said, "oh i was really looking forward to pizza!"

and also to the midwife who asked did i want to go to the bathroom, i replied " yeah id love to but ill have another freakin contraction " i really said freakin too. pretty good for a potty mouth like me. thought id swear like a trooper, but s#%t was the most serious word i used!

[lestyrox]

These are great! I remember i was saying some pretty crazy things when i was on the gas but i can't remember anything spacific.
I do remember when it came to pushing DS out all i kept thinking was i soo don't want to poo myself. I kept asking the MW is there poo coming out? and I'm so sorry if i poo myslef... is that poo? Of course it was the baby's but i was so paranoid about pooing myself!

[frazaled1971]

with my first 5 all i said was i want to go home now and sure enough they were born within 5 mins but with number 6 i was humming the skipping song from the nightmere on elm street (1,2 freddies comming for you) my dh was very amuzed thgat i was humming this and in between contraction i just kept saying come on sam i cant do this all on my own and asking the midwife if she was sure i would poo myself(sam was a breech birth and they had told me not to worry but i was sure to poo myself from the strain) and now my boy has this chuckle that almost sounds evil and dh says it all my fault for humming freddy while he was being born.