OK, firstly you really need to debrief her birth with a counsellor to help you deal with what you are feeling and also give you some tools to cope with the feelings that may come up when you are pg again. Many, many women feel exactly the same way when they have a birth that didn't go to plan and then they get what they *want* the next time round even if the first birth wasn't a c/s? That doesn't make it unfair to your first child, because you had to play the hand you were dealt at the time kwim? She will know that you did not want it to turn out the way it did and she will love you for what you DID do, that you loved her, that you did the best you could to bring her earthside and that you had to make the best choice for her at the time on how to feed her. It wont matter to her that her sibling will be born and fed differently to what she was, she will love that you have given her sibling to love and to have a relationship with. Of course that doesn't make the feelings you are having about it all invalid, because they are completey valid issues to have, but it might help you if you can see it from that perspective, that from her POV none of it matters kwim.


And join up with the ABA - it doesn't matter if you are not breastfeeding ATM, they will be able to give you invaluable help that will ensure you are successful next time and by doing it now you will have that support network around you to help you if you do have a rough start with it all.

I hope that you are able to work through it all so that you can move forward.