First off:

Second off: you can do this. I know what you mean about dishing out advice to other people but not believing in yourself. We do it all the time. People in general I mean, not specifically you and me That's why that saying exists: "Do as I say, not as I do!"

I don't know how to encourage you to believe in yourself. I *do* believe you can do it and I do believe you can achieve the birth you desire. But as for how to convince you... sorry hun, I don't have any magic words... I hope someone else can come in and post something inspiring in that regards.

What I do want to say is if you are worried about advocating for yourself, finding the strength in yourself, etc, can you get someone to help you do that? A doula? Or a family member or friend who will be at the birth with YOU in mind?

My sister approached 42 weeks with her #2 baby and had induction looming... she knew nothing about induction so I read up for her and then when we went in to be induced, I was able to speak for her - they did an AROM first at 6am and I told her to start walking and asked them how long she could walk for, was lunch time ok? And we paced around the hospital room and bounced on the fit ball til noon. When the returned with the drip, I asked for it to be started on the lowest possible setting and they said "Oh we usually start straight on 20 but ok we'll try 10" (or whatever the numbers were). So we started low.

When they told her she needed continual monitoring, I asked for the wireless monitors and they appeared. When they came to turn the drip up, I asked them to turn it up by a smaller increment. They ended up turning the drip off around 4pm and my nephew was born 6pm. No epidural, no c/s, all good.

All of these things I'd learned off BB, by asking questions. Then I was able to advocate for my sister.

Can you get someone to be there for you, if you're worried about it?