A friend of mine had her little boy 4 days ago.
She had a pretty hard time. She wanted natural, so they gave her natural. I really don't think they should've.
She's only 16, so I'm hoping it was them just trying give her what she wanted, not to be nasty coz she's young. (I know probably not the case, but I do have to wonder given the history of the hospital).
She ended up with 3rd degree tears. In surgery for 3 hours being stitched up, didn't see her DS for 5 hours & lost 2 litres of blood.
I think she should really have had an episiotomy. IMO it sounds like the better option. I know naturally tearing can be better in most cases, but I really do think this was one of those times it should've been done.
She's going home today & wanted to BF. My sister just told me she spoke to her this morning & the nurses or whoever told her not to bother with BFing coz it'll take too much out of her.
Now are they right? I think it sounds like a load of bull! I told my sister to let her know that if she still wants to BF to do it anyway & that if she wants to ask me anything she can ring anytime.
I would invite her in here, but she has no net at home.So what do you guys think. Are they right?
It doesnt sound like the hospital handled anything very well at all.
My niece had her first bub at 16 and she breastfed beautifully and has gone on to b'feed her 3 other children. She coped very well.
I have never heard of anyone being told not to breastfeed cause it will take too much out of you. I thought it was encouraged above all else !
Um, this is totally just my opinion, but I think breast feeding affects every woman differently. Some women do find it makes them exhausted and drained. I never had that, personally. I think that the nurses haven't done your friend any favours by telling her that. She should definitely try to nurse that little man - it's good for both of them. And, if she is one of those mums who finds it incredibly exhausting to keep up their milk supply, then she can re-evaluate. Tell her to get a good multi-vitamin, or keep taking her prenatals, and get plenty of rest and fluids, and give it a good go.
All the best to her as she recovers!
Absolutely not. Breastfeeding takes no more out of you than going to the loo. pfft. She eats & drinks doesn't she? Then her body will metabolise it in an efficient way to feed her baby too.
As for the management of her birth.. well.. can't really comment because I don't really know the circumstances, but usually tearing is caused by pushing at the wrong time or not being in an optimal position.
If the midwives have those uneducated views on breastfeeding, then they could well be old school with the whole birth thing too and had her on her back and telling her when to push.
Get her in touch with the ABA as soon as possible, even shout her a breastfeeding class if you feel generous.. probably a much more valuable gift than a stuffed toy
Hope she recovers well and has lots of support around her being such a young mum.
Doesn't sound too right to me...can you get the number of a really good lactation consultant in your area, and see if your friend is interested? You can at least print out some of the breastfeeding articles from here and the ABA website.
The poor thing. What an ordeal for a first time (and young) mum.
If she wants to breastfeed I think she should but she will need support and it sounds like there was very little at the hossy. IMO she will find her BF journey very short lived if she has not been shown how to do it properly and doesn't have enough/proper support.
I think the hossy is wrong to tell her that it will be useless to even try.
Personally I found BF very difficult at the start and felt awful because of stitches and eventually a fissure, but I persisted because I wanted to give him the best start.
It could do her the world of good to BF and feel like she is doing something right (so to speak, there may be a feeling of it went wrong/trauma associated with the birth).
Hope this makes sense
wow... That sounds really bad!
Why would they tell her that?? Normally they drill into womens brains that BFing is the only way!! As long as the baby is healthy IMO
hmm.. it does sound like they were a little harsh..
I guess you'll never know for sure though..
Poor girl - must be very daunting. Perhaps there is more to it - she may have misunderstood perhaps, maybe she feels uncomfortable bf herself and is not comfortable saying that??? Certainly encourage her to seek support from ABA if she is interested.
As a side issue - with a 3rd deg tear and significant blood loss without a transfusion - her recovery will be different to someone who didn't have significant blood loss. It takes time to replace red blood cells and she will take a few months for that to fix up - may be worth checking with her GP to make sure she has adequate care also.
Hope she recovers well and gets the support she needs.
ETA - I also had similiar issues - and successfully BF for 10months - but initially was exhausted and physically very difficult.
Last edited by Mak; April 24th, 2009 at 01:45 PM.
: ETA
Thanks guys.
I know that considering her birth she will take alot longer to recover.
She did try BFing, but she must've had trouble & just gave up maybe. I do know though that when she first found out she was pg she decided she wanted to BF & that she did want to all the way through her pg.
I'm not sure if I should try pushing her to do so, or let her be iykwim. I don't live near her (8 hours away) otherwise I'd be there right now talking to her & finding out what she really wants.
I just hop either she rings me to say she wants to, or she is happy with her decision not to.
I had alot of trouble with my older 2 & didn't BF for more than a few weeks. I was young too & had no support. My mum didn't BF, so couldn't really give me any help.
If I had credit on my phone I'd text her the LC number. Hmmm. I'm just not sure what to do. I'm one of those types who'd go pick her up & bring her home til I was confident she was doing it right, lol.
Its her life though. Can't be doing that!
Poor girl, what a shame she didn't get good care. It sounds as though she had a significant blood loss and is likely to be very anaemic from this. Low Hb can make it difficult to establish breastfeeding as Hb levels and blood volume do effect milk production. I think giving her this information, giving her a transfusion if required, iron supplements and the support she needs to establish bf if she wanted to would have been better than saying it will take too much out of her.
I hope she has a good gp and would suggest she contacts the ABA or a good lactation consultant if she really wants to bf. I hope she is recovering ok
What a horrible experience for her - she sounds very brave especially at 16.
The only thing that I can think that would make the mw say that would be to do with her iron levels after that sort of a blood loss (with that much blood, I would think she would have had a blood transfusion). If that is the case, then she probably should be on some sort of iron supplement.
Breastfeeding can add to decreased levels of iron in your body, but that just needs monitoring, it doesn't mean she can't.
Oh thats horrible it sounds like a know it all busy body type told her that!!! Looking down her nose because of her age and just deciding she can't do it!! She's 16 and first baby sho isn't that optimum energy levels for bf or should we all just not bother??
What about the cost of ff?? perhaps she is not in the best position financially and bf could make a defference to her budget
Maybe give her a call and chat to her..the longer it gets left obviously the harder it will be to turn back. I can imagine for even the strongest willed people that having someone tell u not to bother would be very disheartening especially being your first baby and after what I'm sure was a traumatic birth experience!
As long as she eats properly, drinks at least 2Lof water a day and probably should take some iron tablets too in her case (i only lost 600mL but was on iron tablets for anemia i think they said?) then I can't see why she can't bf... Yes she's going to be tired fromthe birth and blood loss but I think that advice is really off... if someone can recover from a cs and bf then I can't see why she couldn't...
I agree with Liz (have to spread the love darl) and think that your friend should at least speak to an ABA consultant. I'm sure they give free phone advice. I'd at least recommend that she do that. Personally i found bottle feeding took more out of me (when i had to resort to that for a while) ... at least with BFing there was no extra work preparing the bottles etc... and no getting up at night to feed... I just had to get baby and feed... eventually was able to do it half asleep lying in bed.... doesn't get easier than that.
Poor chicken, 2L is a BIG loss alone, plus with everything else that she's been through..hope she is going ok. I'm sure they are saying she shouldn't push herself with bf'ing as it's going to take her a while to recover from everything that's happened already..but if supported well, bf'ing may be a great thing for her.
I really hope she has a terrific recovery and gets all the support she needs.
Well I just sent her a message. Let her know everything.
Told her there are heaps of people to help her if she wants it. You just have to know who they are.
Told her I had trouble feeding the girls & that it caused my PND & that I have lots of guilt still.
Told her that if it hurts there are things you can do.
I also told her that it is totally up to her. If she decides not to that its her decision & that she's a great mum no matter what.
Not sure on the birth issues but I am discussed at the bfing information.
The hospital should have given this girl more attention than normal re bfing. She should have been provided with a LC and an extra support person. I don't know much about your friends financial situation but bfing is free and formula is not, so if your friend struggles financially then trying to come up with extra each week for formula is going to put extra stress on her.
Poor girl. Sounds like an awful experience for her. Personally, I think that if the midwife really told her not to bother b/f and giving her a vague meaningless explanation that it "would take too much out of her", then your friend should report her for not doing her job properly. That is really slack and unprofessional. Young mothers (well, all mothers really, but especially inexperienced ones ) should be given encouaregement and support, rather than having their confidence undermined. So ff wouldn't take anything out of her? I'm sure anyone who uses formula would tell you that feeding a baby it hard work, no matter how you do it. Being a mum "takes it out of you". That's how it works, and it is only with adequate support from those around us that we manage. Personally, I think bf takes a lot less out of you that ff...
I would recommend that your friend rings the ABA on 1800 mum 2 mum and gets some proper advice.
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Has anyone else been told this? Birth + BFing Q
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