My sugesstion to you would be this.. Say right I understand you want to leave for your poker game but how about we wait and see how we are all doing.. Maybe you will just want to sleep so it might be ok for Dh to go to his game.. but have him promise that if you feel you need him to be there with you then he stays kwim?
Thanks for this suggestion earlier. we argued again today about it and i said 'lets play it by ear and see how it goes' he still thinks he will go and doesnt understand. i still think he shouldnt, but arguing stopped for now. still feeling but need to be calm. hopefully i have natural labour before that. if not one of the middies i saw today said that if it happens that he wants to go, they can find lots of ways to 'need him there for bub' so that he cant go. they were pretty shocked and seem glad to help.

I just he comes to his senses beforehand and realises what a crappy thing to suggest. might speak to his best mate to see if he can talk sense into him.