Hey Kat. I am overwhelmed by this story. So much of it resonates with me, as I'm sure it does with every birthing woman, and so much of it has opened my eyes further to what a bodily experience birth is (sounds obvious, but its not). And some of it taught me about how tough it can be and how through circumstances out of my control I was privileged to have two very positive birth experiences.
I'm so pleased that you included that last page. I'm thrilled to know that you've come through this debriefing empowered, rejoicing in Ivy's birth. I am sorry for the struggle to get here, but mostly I'm sorry for the set of circumstances that took away your confidence.
Yours is such a powerful story, Kat. I can't believe how much you can remember 4 months on! I was struggling to remember the details of my births after only a few weeks. But your recounting of your feelings, urges, emotions... it brings it all back. Thank you for that. And thank you for sharing. xx
Wow... thankyou so much for all the lovely comments. I'm really touched. Like I said, I wrote this for my own debrief and was actually really embarrassed to post it because it's sooooo long and I thought it might be a bit self-indulgent. But I'm really glad others have enjoyed it, and if it gives anyone ideas, inspiration or information... I'm really happy to have shared it.
Amy, I wrote a fair bit down within the first few weeks, it's just taken me this long to put it all together into a semi-coherent story.
What an impressive, inspiring, rational, beautifully expressed account of an amazing achievement. You've done so well! And I may be biased but I love her name. x Hugs x
OMG Kat - that was an emmensley powerful and moving story.
I'm still not sure reading this 6 days after my own birth was the best idea - I have tears running down my face! Some of those are of utter relief that my own experience was pretty much what I had hoped it would be.
I had the priveledge of hearing Rhea Dempsey speak a couple of times during my pregnancy and have to admit I was fast on the road to becoming an 'aspirationally naive' woman myself - I think I must have read every natural birth text in the English language there was and thought I was armed with all the knowledge I needed for the 'perfect birth'. I don't know what diverted me from that path - a combination of my influences from my doula, yoga teacher, and close friend who teaches calmbirth I think helped me to 'keep it real'.
Thank you so much for sharing your story in such detail - I'm sure many of us will learn from your experience - especially the realisations you listed in the last post.
You are truely a courageous woman
Kat - thats so beautifully written and so raw, I had tears running down my face reading it - I felt like I was going through it with you.
I think Ivy will be really proud to read that one day, and hopefully as a young woman and eventually a mother she will understand the emotional rollercoaster you have gone through, as her birth story has been written with obvious love.
I'm so pleased you got skin on skin time before she was whisked away - thats my regret about Baileys birth as he was taken so quickly for treatment after birth, but ultimately his condition dictated that for us....
When we all go back for our 2nd child - our experiences from our first labours will be very much at the forefront of our minds, and hopefully guide us in perfecting the experience next time (as much as we can control)
Thanks for sharing such a personal and touching story - Ivy's birth is really inspirational
Hi Kat,
I read your story a few days ago and it's taken me a while to process it.
I think you did an amazing job and I can see it's easy to beat yourself up when things don't go the way you expect. I hope you are fully debriefed now and can be proud of giving birth.
My first reaction to your story was shock that you were in labour for so long. For some reason I thought early labours would be easy because obviously the baby wanted to come out, plus it would be smaller than a full-term baby. I think it's time I read up on labour now. I thought I had another two months before I had to worry about the details! So thank you for posting your story in all its gory and wonderful details.
I hope you are now having a lovely time with your lovely baby.
Kat - your story is like mine in so many ways, but most particularly that feeling of letting yourself down. I recognised so easily that moment when all your control slips away so suddenly and your pain threshold just bottoms out. I get the occasional jealous twang when I hear of other women going "natural" and try not to get too bitter.
But really, there are so many justifications, that one simply needs to give herself a break. We didn't end up with Csections, and that in itself is a blessing. EVERY birth is natural, even if you have IVF, induction, Csection, and bottle-feed. There is nothing artificial in growing a baby in your tummy and the love you feel afterwards.
I agree, it is just a story. I wrote my birth story, the one that I wanted to write, about a month before having Caden. It was just words on paper, the water breaking at home, the giddy anticipation, the pain, the begging for an epidural but oh, too late, you're 10 cm already! No tearing, yay, no stitches, all finished in about 6 hours. But it is just words, and the true triumph comes from seeing the deepest depths of your soul and endurance, and admitting that you have seen the end.
SO you are a hero. To me, most definitley, you have to be because that means I am one too. *hugs*
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