I just want to start with you have done an amazing job, you know my story and you know it took 6 1/2 months before I was able to ditch the F top ups and exclusively BF, I travelled such a similar journey to you and I understand your pain, frustration and utter hope that this time it would be different. Still aim for it, have it in the back of you mind that it is something you would hope to achieve, because with determination you may find yourself at that point in the future. Don't give up on yourself, and you ability to reach your goals. But it is ok to have days where you grieve, it is ok

Yes the guilt is there if you miss an expressing session, or the worry of, have I squeezed in enough feeds today..... but although the silver lining is there, somedays we just don't want to see it, we need to go through a greiving process, yes we have missed out, we don't get to have that lovely BF'ing relationship where we are worried about what the numbers on the scales are going to say tomorrow or next week...

I am seeing it at the moment with my SIL, she is having an amazing BF'ing journey with her DS, he is stacking on the weight (up to 600grams a week ), rolls of fat, and she is now out an about, enjoying motherhood and it is a lot easier. I dreamed of DD having rolls of fat... DH said to me the other day, why did she have it so easy and we had it so hard... it made me realise how much a part of the journey he also was.

I fear that this time we are going to be facing a difficult journey once again, but I am taking the knowledge and experience that I have learnt the first time and I am much more confident in myself as to what I know is right, enough weight or when we have an issues. I won't fear the F as much, it completely tore me up with DD. The no FTT is an awesome achievement, as is the fact that your DS has more than doubled his birthweight!!!!!!!

Take care hun xxoo