How did you feel about having a c/s?

[Sterla]

I ended up having an emergency c/s due to fetal distress. A CTG picked up fetal heart rate drops, so they tried inducing me, but it stressed bub even more - so I was whisked away for a c/s. It all happened very quickly, but for the most part I've made my peace with it.

What I'm still having trouble dealing with is that I feel like I can't say I "had" my baby or "gave birth" - because I didn't. I guess I feel like I had nothing to do with the birth of my baby, apart from being present in the operating room. Because of this (and the way you don't see anything in a c/s) I have trouble connecting the baby I felt in my belly with my DS - it feels like two completely different things.

I'd like to try for VBAC next time, because I would like the experience of birthing my baby. I feel a bit left out when there's talk about labour, because I never got to experience it. Plus, I'd really like to know that I can birth a baby.

I'm not depressed about having a c/s - I have made my peace with it - it was necessary and now that DS is here I don't care how he got here. Still, I think it's important for me to get my head around all this, and get off my chest some of the little things that still niggle at me.

Sorry this has been so long. Please, anyone, feel free to share their feelings and experiences about having a c/s. Did you have any similar feelings?

[aussienic]

Before I had my first Cs I was so dead against them.. I really really didn't want one.. Afterwards I knew it was for the best and to be honest I was bisy dealing with a sick baby so didn't have time to dwell in it.. When I found out I was pg with number 3 I tossed up the idea of a vbac but then what happened with Ds2 made me think no way.. With number 4 I once again thought of trying for a vbac2 but in th end opted for a c/s,,

Sometimes I sit here and think what would have been like then I snap myself out of it and go you know I did give birth, just differently to some. I made the choice I had to at that time and nothing I say or do will change it..

[RhiChiChi]

I had an emergency c-sect due to 'fetal distress' - which I don't know if it was true or not b/c dd had apgar scores of 9&9. Anyway, I have no problems having a c-sect, maybe b/c they 'asked' me if I wanted to keep labouring or have the c-sect, and obviously I chose the later? I also agree with aussienic - what is done is done I can't turn that around now. I also don't really understand giving and not giving birth - but from what I have read from your & other posters this is a truly distressing issue. For me, I just shrug it off. I suppose I don't say or think h'ere is my dd who was born c-sect & ff '- probably sounds weird but I only care about my dd being here & being healthy - whatever happened nearly 20 mths ago is out of my control now and for me I see no point in dwelling on it. Plus I want to try for a VBAC next time, so I want my focus to be on that not on the c-sect - IYKWIM?

[Indadhanu]

My feelings have been very similar to yours Selina... trouble saying that *I* gave birth when I felt I didn't do anything.

I also felt disconnected, and did for a long time (am slowly 'connecting' and seeing myself as 'mum'). As far as I was concerned that could have been any baby they handed to me, how to hell did I know? I think though that a level of disconnection is sooooooooooooo common. People just don't talk about it.

Everyone expects you to be so completely in love with this little baby as soon as you see it...
but for me I can say it didn't happen until WEEKS after the birth. I was ashmed so didn't say it out loud but honestly I think its so much more common than you think.

Sorry I can't find the right words to write but please know you aren't alone xxxx If you think you need some extra support please chat to your CHN.

[mrscricket]

I guess I had a bit of a different experience to you - I had a c-section for a breech baby, so I had fore-warning and made my peace with it before hand. My experience was definiately made so much more positive by the midwife we had and a theatre nurse. The nurse explained everything that was going on and encouraged me to breathe as though I was in labour when they were lifting DS out. As strange as it sounds, I really believe that it helped me in feeling like I had done something. Not long after I had him, a 'friend' said to me "Aren't you upset that you didn't give birth" and I remember feeling really shocked because I felt like I had - I had the baby and the scar to prove it IYKWIM.

I never really connected with DS as the baby in my belly either - I never saw it from the aspect of having the c-section. I just think that there was "Lester" in my stomach (DH's nickmane, not mine!) and then we had the real thing who had a face and personality, not just there to kick and get hiccups.

I wish I could explain that part a bit better - I tend to ramble . There was an interesting thread a while back about how long it took people to feel a connection towards their child, and lots of girls said they never felt that "instant love" that everyone seems to talk about.

[kelebek]

I also has an emergency c-section for failure to progress, it is almost a year now and while I have come to terms with it now it did take many months. As others have said it felt sureal that one day DS was in my tummy and the next he was in my arms. I also felt disconnected for weeks but with time I can now say I did give birth (cause I did he just had a little help) and we are both healthy and that is main thing.

Be kind to yourself, spend some time with your little one just staring at his face etc...

[jackrose]

As far as I was concerned that could have been any baby they handed to me, how to hell did I know?

Ha! That is exactly the joke I made to myself when I underwent a C/S!!!
With that curtain in the way and them telling my DH to sit down and not look - they were not too keen on him checking out my intestine apparently !!! I just kept imagining the docs and nurses behind the curtain trying to look busy with my abdomen while they pretended to do the c/s then someone secretly rushing in from another room with a baby and then presenting her over the curtain - "here's one we prepared earlier"

NB: I hadn't slept for 3 nights and was quite delirious with exhaustion after labouring for 48 hours go to whoa by then!!!

But to answer your question, I certainly did not want a c/s when I was going through pregnancy and had researched thoroughly what to expect in labour. I felt very prepared and positive about my labour and it all went really well.... just for a really long time! In the end I had to have a c/s even though it was something I really really wanted to avoid. However, I feel really fine about it. Mostly this is because I was allowed to labour for a really long time at the hospital with great support (30 hours from 6pm on monday evening until 11.58pm tuesday evening!) So I felt as if my labour was a large part of my 'giving birth' experience and I just look at the c/s as the final part of that.

I think that if I didn't feel so positive about my labour or if I was rushed into a emergency c/s very quickly without any control of the situation or before I had really had a chance to try on my own, I may have had a different attitude to my c/s and would have been less likely to be positive about it. As it stands for me, I absolutely feel that I gave birth to my DD.

[NaeNae]

I had an emergency c-sec with a very prem and breech bub.
I always proudly say that I gave birth to her just because she came through the sunroof She still came from MY body.
I can appreciate how people feel they don't "birth" their babies but no matter how they come out they come frm your body.

Definition of birth
the time when something begins (especially life); " "his election signaled the birth of a new age"
the event of being born; "they celebrated the birth of their first child"
parturition: the process of giving birth
parentage: the kinship relation of an offspring to the parents
give birth: cause to be born; "My wife had twins yesterday!"
a baby born; an offspring; "the overall rate of incidence of Down's syndrome is one in every 800 births"

[mummy of many]

After having 4 natural births & then being faced with a C-Section due to medical reason`s,I was really scared,but at the end of the day bub & I were fine,but wouln`t like to go through another,I would deffinately be trying for VBAC,I didn`t like the slow recovery afterwards & not being able to get around much. I think for myself I was getting cranky & frustrated with myself,for not being able to run my house hold too,but you just have to remember,you just had major surgery! Another thing that i can remember was in recovery i got really upset,as bub was whipped away so quickly,i only got a glimps of him,then it was all up to DH,to look after him,for a couple of hours.I miss the bonding on the chest,first breast feed after birthing,as the Midwives let DH,give bub a bottle .

[mrscricket]

[quote=jackrose;1690511]With that curtain in the way and them telling my DH to sit down and not look - they were not too keen on him checking out my intestine apparently

I had an overhead light thing above me that wasn't turned on and it was very clearly reflected what was going on behind the curtain. Double . I kept turning my head away, not wanting to see it and DH thought something was wrong. I didn't tell him what I could see because he would of been "Cool. Let me see!"

Sorry to get off track from the OP.

[Deevine]

I've had similar feelings as Selina and Leasha. I had an emergency c/s under general anesthetic at 36+4, and so it was totally unexpected and I really didn't have time to think about it when it all happened. The fact it was under general anesthetic made it a lot harder to come to terms with after... One minute i'm being put to sleep, the next minute i'm awake and handed a baby and all I could think was 'is this my baby, it could be anyones'.

Such a hard thing to come to terms with. And I definitely felt disconnected, and only now, almost 8 weeks later can i look at her and think 'this is my daughter' and feel absolute complete love for her.

I look at the photos DP took just after she was born and feel a lot of sadness that I didn't get to share that experience with him, that first look at our child. I still find it hard to think about the birth, because it feels like my body failed me, although in the end, if I had had a normal birth, she probably wouldn't be here, and that it much harder to think about.

I too have made peace with the fact that I had c/s. I'm still disappointed, but in the end i'm ok and my daughter is ok and that is the most important thing.

[Sterla]

Another thing that i can remember was in recovery i got really upset,as bub was whipped away so quickly,i only got a glimps of him,then it was all up to DH,to look after him,for a couple of hours.I miss the bonding on the chest,first breast feed after birthing,as the Midwives let DH,give bub a bottle .

This is something that bothered me too. They brought DS over to me after looking him over, but I couldn't move and could barely see him. Then DS and DH left and I stayed in recovery. It was almost 2 hours from the time DS was born to when I got to hold him for the first time. After having the importance of that first skin-to-skin contact drummed into me, I was quite upset to miss out on that close contact after birth.

Thank you everyone for your responses - it's great to know you're not alone.

[Indadhanu]

Yes, Jazz and Shel left and went back up to maternity while I stayed in recovery, I didn't get to hold her until a little over 2 hours after she was born, let alone feed her. I felt really upset that I was 'introduced' to my own baby... plus the fact that for the first few days I pretty much couldn't do anything for her, I couldn't even pick her up when she cried or change her nappy. I couldn't be a mum, which I think had a huge impact.

[Heaven]

I feel ok about my c-section which really surprises me actually. Throughout the pregnancy I was really focused on a natural drug-free birth and I was so so scared of having to have a c-section. But I think the reason I'm ok with it is because of my labour. I really feel like I did everything I possibly could and a c-section was the only answer. I was in labour for 33 hrs. Went to hospital 10pm on a friday night and she wasn't born until 2.30 Sunday morning. So they let me do my own thing. I had my active labour. Didn't ask for the gas until about mid-day Saturday when I was getting pretty exhausted. Then when I wasn't progressing still by Sat night despite having strong contractions 2 mins apart pretty much the whole time and they decided to give me the drip to see if it would help and I decided on an epidural because I was totally exhausted and petrified of the thought of contractions getting even stronger. And I didn't want to try the pethidine bc I knew it didn't do much and I didn't want it getting through to the baby. After waiting even longer for the drip to work and having 2 epidurals inserted bc the first didn't work, bub still wasn't moving down into my pelvis enough and the had to get the Dr to come check me out. He was so nice and I think this played a big part in how I feel now. He really wanted me to have a natural birth and said he would usually try and use a vaccum in any situation but honestly thought it was too dangerous bc bub was in the perfect position for birth but the fact that she wasn't moving down and there was still a tiny bit of cervix left meant there could be a reason she couldn't get out and it's possible she was just a bit big. I am only little and she was 8lb 10oz and also my mum had the same problem when giving birth and had 4 caesarians. I cried when he told me he thought a caesar was the way to go bc it's not how I imagined it would be. But the way everything happened and the reasons for it helped me to feel ok about it because I believe I couldn't have done any more than I did. He also took time to explain to me that it wasn't anything I'd done and that it didn't mean I couldn't have a normal birth in the future.
Afterwards Grace was bought straight over to me and DH held her close to me while they finished up. Then when they were finished she was put straight on my chest for skin to skin and breastfed straight away. I imagine this helped a lot too.

Well, that turned out longer than expected.

[shellbell]

Almost 11 months later and I can safely say that I am not over the fact that I ended up with a c/section. I felt disempowered by my doctor, DH (although bless him he was doing his best) and the midwives and I am not sure today whether I will ever "get over it". I hate the fact that my body didn't do what it was supposed to do and I hate the fact that I didn't meet my son until 2 hours after he was born.

I try to work through it as best I can - it is all becoming a bit fresh again as we have been talking about TTC #2... DH is dead keen on me having an elective cs - and I flatly refuse! Should be interesting times!!

[black_rose]

Before having a emergency cs at 34 weeks because DD was bum first and my waters broke I was petrified at the thought of having one. When it did happen it happened so fast that I really didn't have time to worry about it. I was lucky I got to have a quick hold and kiss of DD before she was sent to the special care nursery so I felt I had bonded with her.

I did get angry that they wouldn't let me go to the nursery to see for 12 hours but I eventually got my way and they took me in to see her.

I went into pre labour with strong contractions this week and had a choice of having another cs or trying for a VBAC. I chose not to have the cs as I don't want to be stuck at home not being able to drive to the hospital if the bubs was in the scn again or care for DD. They stopped the labour as my cervix was closed instead but it wasn't out of fear that I said no.

[Counting Days]

I had an c-section for my first and will be having an elective with my second

I was happy first time and will be happy second time (when we get pregnant) why is so much focus put on how the baby got into the world.
Having a great pregnancy no longer seems to count, as long as the baby and mother are well does it matter how it happened?

C-section support to me suggests that we need support how about we just celebrate bringing a new life into the world and give ourselves a break.

I recently saw a pregnant women smoking but as long as she has a so called natural delivery everything is fine?
Raving on now but what annoys me is all the bad rap women seem to give each other when choosing or having one as if it is a failure because we could not or would not do a vaginal birth

[Macca79]

I had an emergency c section with DS and now I am pregnant again I am doing what I can for a VBAC but due to the previous size of DS I might be facing a repeat c section for this one. Part of my coming to terms with DS's birth and in preparing for this one I got hold of a copy of the book 'Birthing From Within' (Great read I have to say). The author encourages woman who have had c sections to actually call the 'cesarean births'. Many of her clients have found this helps them to claim their experiences as 'birth' after all we did go through a fair bit to bring our special bubs into this world. Major surgery is not a thing to treat lightly.

I found that by admitting I wasn't happy about my experience and be letting others know that just having a 'healthy baby' wasn't enough for me. My son was fine but for a long time I wasn't. I developed post traumatic stress as a result and had problems with bonding, successful breastfeeding and PND. All the things they don't tell you you are at an increased risk of when you undergo a c section.

Give your self time and refer to your experience as exactly what it was, a birth. It might take a while till it feel comfortable but give it a go. You don't have to feel 'greatfull' for the experience and you don't have to like it either. Talk about it, debrief it it until the cows come home. Someone have no problems in how they relate to a c section, others suffer much before they can claim it, others never do. We are all different in this way. Just don't ever feel you have to like what you went through or feel hapy about it if you don't. Give yourself time to heal emotionally.