How did you feel about having a c/s?

[Sterla]

I ended up having an emergency c/s due to fetal distress. A CTG picked up fetal heart rate drops, so they tried inducing me, but it stressed bub even more - so I was whisked away for a c/s. It all happened very quickly, but for the most part I've made my peace with it.

What I'm still having trouble dealing with is that I feel like I can't say I "had" my baby or "gave birth" - because I didn't. I guess I feel like I had nothing to do with the birth of my baby, apart from being present in the operating room. Because of this (and the way you don't see anything in a c/s) I have trouble connecting the baby I felt in my belly with my DS - it feels like two completely different things.

I'd like to try for VBAC next time, because I would like the experience of birthing my baby. I feel a bit left out when there's talk about labour, because I never got to experience it. Plus, I'd really like to know that I can birth a baby.

I'm not depressed about having a c/s - I have made my peace with it - it was necessary and now that DS is here I don't care how he got here. Still, I think it's important for me to get my head around all this, and get off my chest some of the little things that still niggle at me.

Sorry this has been so long. Please, anyone, feel free to share their feelings and experiences about having a c/s. Did you have any similar feelings?

[aussienic]

Before I had my first Cs I was so dead against them.. I really really didn't want one.. Afterwards I knew it was for the best and to be honest I was bisy dealing with a sick baby so didn't have time to dwell in it.. When I found out I was pg with number 3 I tossed up the idea of a vbac but then what happened with Ds2 made me think no way.. With number 4 I once again thought of trying for a vbac2 but in th end opted for a c/s,,

Sometimes I sit here and think what would have been like then I snap myself out of it and go you know I did give birth, just differently to some. I made the choice I had to at that time and nothing I say or do will change it..

[RhiChiChi]

I had an emergency c-sect due to 'fetal distress' - which I don't know if it was true or not b/c dd had apgar scores of 9&9. Anyway, I have no problems having a c-sect, maybe b/c they 'asked' me if I wanted to keep labouring or have the c-sect, and obviously I chose the later? I also agree with aussienic - what is done is done I can't turn that around now. I also don't really understand giving and not giving birth - but from what I have read from your & other posters this is a truly distressing issue. For me, I just shrug it off. I suppose I don't say or think h'ere is my dd who was born c-sect & ff '- probably sounds weird but I only care about my dd being here & being healthy - whatever happened nearly 20 mths ago is out of my control now and for me I see no point in dwelling on it. Plus I want to try for a VBAC next time, so I want my focus to be on that not on the c-sect - IYKWIM?

[Indadhanu]

My feelings have been very similar to yours Selina... trouble saying that *I* gave birth when I felt I didn't do anything.

I also felt disconnected, and did for a long time (am slowly 'connecting' and seeing myself as 'mum'). As far as I was concerned that could have been any baby they handed to me, how to hell did I know? I think though that a level of disconnection is sooooooooooooo common. People just don't talk about it.

Everyone expects you to be so completely in love with this little baby as soon as you see it...
but for me I can say it didn't happen until WEEKS after the birth. I was ashmed so didn't say it out loud but honestly I think its so much more common than you think.

Sorry I can't find the right words to write but please know you aren't alone xxxx If you think you need some extra support please chat to your CHN.

[mrscricket]

I guess I had a bit of a different experience to you - I had a c-section for a breech baby, so I had fore-warning and made my peace with it before hand. My experience was definiately made so much more positive by the midwife we had and a theatre nurse. The nurse explained everything that was going on and encouraged me to breathe as though I was in labour when they were lifting DS out. As strange as it sounds, I really believe that it helped me in feeling like I had done something. Not long after I had him, a 'friend' said to me "Aren't you upset that you didn't give birth" and I remember feeling really shocked because I felt like I had - I had the baby and the scar to prove it IYKWIM.

I never really connected with DS as the baby in my belly either - I never saw it from the aspect of having the c-section. I just think that there was "Lester" in my stomach (DH's nickmane, not mine!) and then we had the real thing who had a face and personality, not just there to kick and get hiccups.

I wish I could explain that part a bit better - I tend to ramble . There was an interesting thread a while back about how long it took people to feel a connection towards their child, and lots of girls said they never felt that "instant love" that everyone seems to talk about.

[NaeNae]

I had an emergency c-sec with a very prem and breech bub.
I always proudly say that I gave birth to her just because she came through the sunroof She still came from MY body.
I can appreciate how people feel they don't "birth" their babies but no matter how they come out they come frm your body.

Definition of birth
the time when something begins (especially life); " "his election signaled the birth of a new age"
the event of being born; "they celebrated the birth of their first child"
parturition: the process of giving birth
parentage: the kinship relation of an offspring to the parents
give birth: cause to be born; "My wife had twins yesterday!"
a baby born; an offspring; "the overall rate of incidence of Down's syndrome is one in every 800 births"

[mummy of many]

After having 4 natural births & then being faced with a C-Section due to medical reason`s,I was really scared,but at the end of the day bub & I were fine,but wouln`t like to go through another,I would deffinately be trying for VBAC,I didn`t like the slow recovery afterwards & not being able to get around much. I think for myself I was getting cranky & frustrated with myself,for not being able to run my house hold too,but you just have to remember,you just had major surgery! Another thing that i can remember was in recovery i got really upset,as bub was whipped away so quickly,i only got a glimps of him,then it was all up to DH,to look after him,for a couple of hours.I miss the bonding on the chest,first breast feed after birthing,as the Midwives let DH,give bub a bottle .

[Sterla]

Another thing that i can remember was in recovery i got really upset,as bub was whipped away so quickly,i only got a glimps of him,then it was all up to DH,to look after him,for a couple of hours.I miss the bonding on the chest,first breast feed after birthing,as the Midwives let DH,give bub a bottle .

This is something that bothered me too. They brought DS over to me after looking him over, but I couldn't move and could barely see him. Then DS and DH left and I stayed in recovery. It was almost 2 hours from the time DS was born to when I got to hold him for the first time. After having the importance of that first skin-to-skin contact drummed into me, I was quite upset to miss out on that close contact after birth.

Thank you everyone for your responses - it's great to know you're not alone.

[kelebek]

I also has an emergency c-section for failure to progress, it is almost a year now and while I have come to terms with it now it did take many months. As others have said it felt sureal that one day DS was in my tummy and the next he was in my arms. I also felt disconnected for weeks but with time I can now say I did give birth (cause I did he just had a little help) and we are both healthy and that is main thing.

Be kind to yourself, spend some time with your little one just staring at his face etc...

[jackrose]

As far as I was concerned that could have been any baby they handed to me, how to hell did I know?

Ha! That is exactly the joke I made to myself when I underwent a C/S!!!
With that curtain in the way and them telling my DH to sit down and not look - they were not too keen on him checking out my intestine apparently !!! I just kept imagining the docs and nurses behind the curtain trying to look busy with my abdomen while they pretended to do the c/s then someone secretly rushing in from another room with a baby and then presenting her over the curtain - "here's one we prepared earlier"

NB: I hadn't slept for 3 nights and was quite delirious with exhaustion after labouring for 48 hours go to whoa by then!!!

But to answer your question, I certainly did not want a c/s when I was going through pregnancy and had researched thoroughly what to expect in labour. I felt very prepared and positive about my labour and it all went really well.... just for a really long time! In the end I had to have a c/s even though it was something I really really wanted to avoid. However, I feel really fine about it. Mostly this is because I was allowed to labour for a really long time at the hospital with great support (30 hours from 6pm on monday evening until 11.58pm tuesday evening!) So I felt as if my labour was a large part of my 'giving birth' experience and I just look at the c/s as the final part of that.

I think that if I didn't feel so positive about my labour or if I was rushed into a emergency c/s very quickly without any control of the situation or before I had really had a chance to try on my own, I may have had a different attitude to my c/s and would have been less likely to be positive about it. As it stands for me, I absolutely feel that I gave birth to my DD.

[mrscricket]

[quote=jackrose;1690511]With that curtain in the way and them telling my DH to sit down and not look - they were not too keen on him checking out my intestine apparently

I had an overhead light thing above me that wasn't turned on and it was very clearly reflected what was going on behind the curtain. Double . I kept turning my head away, not wanting to see it and DH thought something was wrong. I didn't tell him what I could see because he would of been "Cool. Let me see!"

Sorry to get off track from the OP.

[Deevine]

I've had similar feelings as Selina and Leasha. I had an emergency c/s under general anesthetic at 36+4, and so it was totally unexpected and I really didn't have time to think about it when it all happened. The fact it was under general anesthetic made it a lot harder to come to terms with after... One minute i'm being put to sleep, the next minute i'm awake and handed a baby and all I could think was 'is this my baby, it could be anyones'.

Such a hard thing to come to terms with. And I definitely felt disconnected, and only now, almost 8 weeks later can i look at her and think 'this is my daughter' and feel absolute complete love for her.

I look at the photos DP took just after she was born and feel a lot of sadness that I didn't get to share that experience with him, that first look at our child. I still find it hard to think about the birth, because it feels like my body failed me, although in the end, if I had had a normal birth, she probably wouldn't be here, and that it much harder to think about.

I too have made peace with the fact that I had c/s. I'm still disappointed, but in the end i'm ok and my daughter is ok and that is the most important thing.

[India's Mum]

I had a CS when DD's heartbeat suddenly dropped to 25 after my waters were broken. I found out later the cord was wrapped around her neck several times. I feel a bit weird about the experience because it was so quick that I had to have a general and DH was kept distracted and out of the the theatre (he didn't even know the operation had begun until he heard the baby cry). So my little miss was a bit independent and came into this world without Mum and Dad which I have never envisioned as a scenario. I didn't get to see her for four hours as I had blood pressure problems and stayed in recovery for ages but DH held her for most of that time and I think that was very beneficial for him.

I don't really have a problem with it all though as I figure a birth story is just that. It isn't pre-written, it's the events that take place during the birth, be they expected or unplanned. I also didn't feel I had a problem bonding when we finally met. Maybe it was the drugs, but when I first saw her, I kept thinking she was me. I looked at her and my mind kept saying "That's baby me".

The night after her birth the midwives put her into bed with me, skin to skin so she could feed when she wanted and I wouldn't have to move around too much and it was the most magical night of my life. I didn't have those lovely moments just after the birth but just thinking about that second night fills me with that joy and connection and I reflect back on that often and think "I have that precious memory to keep all my life. It's different than the one I expected but no less special".

I am often saddened to hear how others are depressed by the experience of a necessary CS and I can only suggest that maybe they can find some other experience close to the birth, like my second night, and try to make that their special moment.

[sazzafrazz]

Thanks for your post SammiP,
I really hadnt thought about it that way before reading your post. In fact I read the first bit and was tearing up thinking "how awful" till I read how you felt about it.

Your take on the situation is just wonderful and has inspired me. I had a really tough time in the first few weeks with feeding issues and my feelings about the birth but I'm going to have a good ole think now for the magical moment like you talk about.

Thanks so much

[India's Mum]

Hi Sazz

I would love to hear "your moment" when you get a chance to think about it. Good luck with TTC 2. We are also trying for another.

[Mumeee]

I've had 6 children, including twins no problems but then #7 was transverse due to the 'extra room' apparently. Before I had a c/s I thought that all that mattered was that the baby was fine and it didnt matter how the baby got here. But I didnt realise the effects it would have psychologically on me. I just felt traumatised and violated and freaked out that I'd been cut into! And it took a long time to recover physically and definitely emotionally. I feel like I should be apologising to all the c/s mums out there for not taking the drama of giving birth via c/s seriously enough.
Of course I look at my beautiful little princess who is without a doubt the best 2 year old in the world (ok bit biased) and I know that her being safely born was the most important thing. BUT Anyone who has to have a caesar for whatever reason has a right to feel freaked out.
I do wonder how much is hormonal though and being in pain post-op and especially if it is a first baby - with all those 'new mum nerves"

I'm due in August and aiming for a VBAC solely because of the 'recovery time' thing with other kids to look after and havent enjoyed this pregnancy much so far because of worrying about how to cope with another c/s.

[sunshine_sieben]

Sterla, I have not had a c/s, but I still wanted to comment, I hope you don't mind. I think your feelings are very valid and not uncommon.

I had a completely natural waterbirth. So a very different experience. But, I still sometimes felt like DD wasn't really mine. She was NEVER seperated from me, I was the first person to touch her. But I still somehow felt like sooner or later I would have to give her back to her rightful mother. Maybe that was because my mum, who is a very strong woman, was there at the birth and stayed with us for 4 weeks after the birth to help out. While I'm so glad that I had her support (and I've asked her to do the same with #2), maybe I leaned so much on her that somehow, sometimes I felt like my daughter's sister rather than her mum. Don't get me wrong, I loved her from the second she was conceived. It was just the fact that I really was her mum, that took some time to sink in. It is such a hard concept to grasp that you were the one who made such a perfect little "thing".
Oh, and I didn't really "do" anything to birth my daughter either. I let it happen. I feel more like she and my body were just doing what had to be done and I was along for the ride.

Somebody asked about the hormonal ****tail and whether it is released during a c/s just like it is during a natural birth. The simple answer is: NO. Even an induced labour messes with the normal hormonal balance. But, fortunately nature gives us a second chance and those very important hormones (mainly pro-lactin and oxytocin) can be released after birth mainly through skin-to-skin contact and BFing. So in my opinion, if you give birth via c/s, it is very important that you try and spend as much skin-to-skin time in the days and weeks after birth to "catch up" with those hormones you misssed out on (goes for both, baby and mummy). We are also lucky that many off those hormones have been released during pregnancy so the process of bonding has actually started before birth.

Sasa

[Peg]

Somebody asked about the hormonal ****tail and whether it is released during a c/s just like it is during a natural birth. The simple answer is: NO. Even an induced labour messes with the normal hormonal balance. But, fortunately nature gives us a second chance and those very important hormones (mainly pro-lactin and oxytocin) can be released after birth mainly through skin-to-skin contact and BFing. So in my opinion, if you give birth via c/s, it is very important that you try and spend as much skin-to-skin time in the days and weeks after birth to "catch up" with those hormones you misssed out on (goes for both, baby and mummy). We are also lucky that many off those hormones have been released during pregnancy so the process of bonding has actually started before birth.

Sasa

I had a feeling it was something along those lines. I know also breast feeding stimulates the hormones as well, so even if you dont get the burst of hormone during labor, you can make up for them with breastfeeding.