Feeling conflicted, guilty and undecided about how to birth baby #2

[peanutter]

I too had a very traumatic birth, with internal tearing and awful repercussions.

This is something I really struggled with, and was quite depressed about with DS2. I felt guilt, I felt shame. I fluctuated from intense fear, to feelings of laziness and unworthiness ...

Ultimately, I saw a specialist to get a risk assessment done, and learned what the risks were of a repeat performance - and to get a professional opinion about the safety of all concerned.

I also spent many sessions with my counsellor discussing the choice, and trying to wrap my head around it.

At the end of the day, this is your body, and the method of entry into the world is only one part of the tapestry that forms your nurturing and care of your child.

If you will be in a state of fear, or if you will suffer injury from the birth, that needs to be weighed up against the emotional and physical toll of a c-section.

For me and my family, while I was absolutely not happy about needing a c-section, I eventually accepted that it was what would be best for my family, in all the circumstances.

And in hindsight, I made the right decision for us personally.

While I was very nervous about what others might say (not because I feel I need to justify my choices, just because I didn't want to have to defend myself, as it's no one else's sodding business!!) I was pleasantly surprised that I had basically no negative comments, and if people seemed a little down-nosed about my choice, a very brief, "DS1's birth went very badly, and so we need to have a c-section this time" was basically the end of the discussion.

You shouldn't have to justify yourself.

But some people will always say things, either from ignorance or curiosity or thinking they know better, or intentions of helping ... take anything that is helpful, and let the rest go. Come onto BB and vent about it, or just ignore it, or tell them that you understand they might have an opinion, but you only need positive and helpful comments, thanks all the same.

Some people do have a fabulous second birth - don't rule anything out at this early stage. Heaps of women here have managed to have safe and empowering vaginal deliveries, despite an awful first delivery. Look around, and chat to them.

Get some professional opinions. Talk it through. Weigh up your options. And then pick.

But having a c-section because you want to avoid a second traumatic birth is nothing to be bashful about. It's not taking the easy way out. It's not harming your child. It is part of a process whereby YOU decide what is going to lead to YOUR child having a safe entry to the world, with a safe and happy mumma.

Good luck with your decision making process xx