Feeling conflicted, guilty and undecided about how to birth baby #2

[peanutter]

TFB: depending on your Birthing B****, that might be part of the brief. The one and only time I was given that role to play, keeping the estranged father OUT was part of my job. To be clear - I was to get him out if and when he hampered the process, upset the birthing mother, or started being a jackass in general. All of which he did. So I kicked him out, after confirming that's what she wanted. And then I enlisted the assistance of the midwives to keep him out, so I could concentrate on her. My DH was also there (not in the room - in the waiting area outside the room) to keep out random friends and family who thought the birthing process was some sort of reality TV program to be viewed and critiqued.

Now, your DH/DPs are probably not 19 year old asshats who decide that they need to be high as a kite and on the phone screaming at their mother for being interstate while you're trying to give birth, but being at the birth is a privilege not a right, and THEIR priority should be keeping you calm and happy and in the best of care. If that involves them being ejected from the room, then so be it.

The bloke being in attendance at the birth is still a reasonably recent phenomenon in Oz, and still isn't universal. I think there's still a time and a place for him to be elsewhere, when it's in the mother (and therefore the baby's) best interests ... they can bond when they're out.





Aside from all of that, and back onto your initial question, have you had any time to journal about it? Write a journal entry, or a letter to your bubba, about your hopes and fears about their birth ... sometimes writing it all out helps us figure out what we're thinking ...

[Lolpigs]

Blondie, don't let anyone make you feel badly about wanting to avoid trauma. I got the same thing with my first birth. I really wanted a natural birth, who dosent? and it wasn't to be, my baby didn't engage and after 41 weeks with blood pressure starting to soar my options were induce which my OB said had a pretty good chance of ended in emergency C.s due to my baby not being engaged and they weren't sure why or C/S.

I chose and elective C/S, I was devastated at first, however know myself, and could not handle 30 hours or whatever of labor and end up with the distress of an emergency C/S. In the end it was the right choice for me and my baby as the cord was wrapped around her neck twice and very short, so short she couldn't engage, so it pretty much confirmed that my OB was right, we would have been an emergency with possibly distressed or dead baby or dead me. Without modern science we probably would have both died, as she never would have been able to get out. Ugh.

I still get people give me looks, like I copped out or took an easy option, my recovery was straight forwards but was by no means easy. If I has to go through a failed VB I don't know that I would have been able to cope at all if I'm honest. I think I would have shut down from the trauma. BF failed, I suffered from anxiety and depression afterwards because of this, and the unrealistic expectations I placed on myself. (I thought if it had to have C/S BF would damn well work! well it didn't) And I had a severe reflux baby. Hey I did get to use cloth nappies like I wanted. Life sometimes has a funny way of giving you what you need rather than what you want. The C/S was no party I was numb almost up to my chin, exhausted but I got to hold my baby all the way through, she slept on me in recovery and BF once we ere back in our room. I too have issues with midwives as they didn't help but hindered me and made me feel like everything I did was wrong constantly.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you had massive trauma last time, I see no reason to go through that again. I would discuss what happened last time with a trusted OB/GP , get them your notes from last time from the hospital and discuss the risks/ pros/cons and make your decision from there. This is what we did. I know myself and my body was so glad we made that choice as I got a happy and healthy baby and I survived too.

This time around, I'm going to try for a VBAC, but if the same thing happens again I will choose elective C/S again. I will not hesitate. For me while recovery from C/S was hard, recovering from a failed VB and Trauma from that I would not be able to cope with at all. You need to do what is good not just for your physically I think, but mentally and emotionally as well. I found the failure of BF harder than the decision to C/S. This caused me lots of heartache and tears. How the baby comes out, isn't the definition of you as a woman. Sun roof is a fine option if needed.

Take care, and ignore those people that are not supportive of you. No-one other than you and your husband make this decisions.

xx

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Aside from all of that, and back onto your initial question, have you had any time to journal about it? Write a journal entry, or a letter to your bubba, about your hopes and fears about their birth ... sometimes writing it all out helps us figure out what we're thinking ...

Here: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...about-Liebling

I also met with a hospital midwife in my home when Liebs was 2.5 and I'd left it too late to put in a complaint, but she did agree that I had not been treated well and many things happened that shouldn't have. And the midwives had documented that I didn't want drugs and they'd kept offering them, that the monitoring showed X but the midwives ignored it to do Y and so on and so forth - the arrogance that they document their failings and don't expect to be called up on it - and they weren't because I couldn't bring myself to complain within the year.


Have you debriefed fully, Blondie? For me it was also being denied - denied my right to be treated as a human, denied my wish labour as I wished when there was no problem, denied my right not to be bullied... sounds like other people telling you what you want instead of listening to you, you had similar denials.

[Blondie]

Thanks for your support everyone

I am pretty much certain now that I will be taking the C/S option. I wrote down the pro's and con's of both options and I realised the only things that were making me think twice about C/S was the lack of support from people and also the mother / baby attachment issues that may arise from being separated momentairly from bub. I was paranoid that baby wouldn't know who I was and therefore would have issues latching, sucking etc, but then I remembered that I was rushed off to theater with DS anyway and didn't get to see him for an hour at least....apart from the first cuddle straight after delivery. So, in order to help with the issues I have decided to not tell people about how I am going to birth, I will just say "we'll see how we go" and to sort out my other fear of mother / baby attachment I have a good friend who is a Midwife who I am going to ask to be a support person and to help me establish breastfeeding.

I have also read up on exactly what will happen to me before, during and after C/S and I do feel like I am more prepared and more knowledgable about my decision....now I feel like I am going in to this experience with my eyes open and not closed.

[Three Graces]

Glad you're feeling more positive about your decision. If you go elect you should have a midwife assigned to you and have bubs in recovery with you for that first feed.
Wishing you all the best for a much better birth experience!