my head is bursting, i don't even know what i should do first, (in the five hours i have, before he gets home).

Ness has got the biggest heart, but how can i land on her, when i have no idea how long it's for? i am not eligible for emergency housing, competition is stiff, rents are high, it would not be a quick process.

and now i can't do the "flit", i won't be able to take the washing machine with me (and other things i was planning to take). so the move will be much more expensive.

i am scared and feeling a bit in shock

bilby's dad has never shown signs of violence, so please don't worry on that score.

i know he will berate me tonight about how i could never be a single mum, wouldn't be capable of looking after bilby on my own etc.

maybe he won't say much - he knows i'm trapped - can't find somewhere else to live - maybe he'll just laugh at how trapped i am - don't want to be here, but can't do anything else.

i guess if i was him, i'd be glad to be sleeping in a bed again (he's been on the sofa for years). THe sooner i'm out, the sooner he gets to sleep in a bed again. And he could stop living like a monk.

but he won't give bilby up without a fight, how can i blame him for that, i feel that same way. we both love her to pieces, just not each other.

i bet i get 1,000 promises from him tonight. I will do X, I will do Y (so then you won't leave).
heard it all before, too many times to count.

i think i will pack an overnight bag, with important docs and few changes of clothes for me and billbs. so if i do get to the point, of needing to jump in the car and leave, at least i've got the basics on me.

argh