8/9 year old girl behaviour

[Tinks]

I guess the only thing you can do is ignore her. I know how annoying it is though, my DD's friend's mother is the same. Except they're teenagers Hope she calms down before then lol.

[~clover~]

She's the only friend I have in this town at the moment. I have plenty of people to chat to, but the only one I can have coffee with & vent too when needed. But even that isn't working out for me. I vent about the kids & she gives me unwanted advice (understandable once or twice, but its every time & I have made it clear I will not leave my 3yo to scream in her room just coz she wakes over night).

And if they do something I want to have a whinge about; 'well did you smack him?' 'did you do this or that'. I'm venting. I don't need to be asked how or if I disciplined my child. I just want to vent about what happened.

*sigh* if I had the money I'd be back in nsw by now. Putting up with people's annoyances is easier with a partner, coz these people aren't all you have...


2CheekyMonkeys - I'm the mother who doesn't really know its going on. I wouldn't know I don't think if the other mother hadn't told me just how detailed it is. And I never went into detail with my mum about the *****iness when I was a kid either. Not like I'm hearing from this other mother. It is her DD not wanting to go to school. But telling me 'the girls are at it again', or 'DD2 has been a bit nasty to DD' would be enough. Not 'DD2 said this & this & that in this way to my DD'.

I had her DD here yesterday & the kid from up the road turned up. This is a trouble maker & causes a lot of the problems with the girls, but they were all just playing in the loungeroom. I was on the phone & she came to get her DD. I don't know what she heard, but she walked in 'get out, in the car, now' etc. Her DD looked confused & tried to tell her they were just playing, but she wouldn't hear it. Just coz the other child was there I think. I really don't bloody know.

[nickle730]

As the mother of a 10 year old girl who has had a miserable year due to 'social issues' and has cried on the way home most days and refused to go to school most mornings, I'd like to offer a view from the other side of the fence. Reading this thread, I get the picture that there are many small incidents between the girls and that the result is that your friends DD is now at the point of school refusal? If one of my friends was the parent of the child whom my daughter was having issues with - and we had reached the point of repeated school refusal - I would be pretty damn peeved that my friend held the attitude of 'girls will be girls'. Yes, girls will be girls - but they don't need to be *****es and the situation has clearly reached the point where adult intervention is required if one of those girls is refusing to attend school because of those issues.

It is really important that we teach our children to be resilient and give them the tools to deal with hurt or disappointment. It is equally important that we teach our kids to be kind and considerate people who behave in a manner which is not hurtful. Usually, in situations such as these there is fault on all sides. When the children are unable to resolve the issues themselves, they require direction from the appropriate adults. Clearly, your friend doesn't feel that you have taken the situation seriously and helped to resolve it. If you were my friend, that would make me both hurt and angry.

[~clover~]

The thing is nickel, my daughter isn't really as involved as this person says she is. There is another girl at the school who is a year older & she seems to be manipulating the 3 girls involved by getting between them & causing a lot of the trouble. Yes my DD is caught in the middle a lot. But DD is very niave & isn't seeing it the same as the other kids are. DD isn't doing the 'play with me, not her' DD is the one getting that thrown at her (BY this persons DD). One friend each side saying 'play with me', 'no play with me'. I've actually seen it for myself & tried to get the girls to either play together, or don't play at all. As I'm pretty sure I've said already, I am using this to teach my DD that it doesn't matter who says what, your friends are your friends & its not ok to leave them out.

Yes girls will be girls, but I know my DD is pretty clueless with social cues. I've seen her have her turn of being nasty. She does occasionally say nasty things because she's following what the other kids are saying & she has been in trouble & banned from playing etc with them. And I've tried to make it clear that it won't be accepted. If I don't see it though, I don't know its happening, so that's not so easy to deal with.

But I can only deal with my child. There are also 3 other parents involved here. SIL knows DD well & agree's that she's a follower & doesn't really see the *****iness that is going on. The other mother is one who really doesn't see a problem & hers is the older one... The friend of mine is a very sensitive person who reads way too much into a lot of things. Her own life is quite depressive because she is like this. I try to be supportive, because my personality is similar, but its getting frustrating when she refuses to pick herself up & get on with life. I will never let her know I feel this way, but its starting to drain me. Her DD isn't an angel either. She has a very similar personality to the older girl & is quite manipulative herself.

If this is such a problem between ALL of them, then there are other parents she needs to address as well. My dealing with DD is not going to fix the whole problem. Everyone else needs to deal with their kids as well. She has spoken to the school & they've said they're keeping an eye on them. To me she seems to be solely blaming my DD, when hers can be pretty good at being on the other side of DD saying 'me not her'.

I know how it feels to be on the other side also. My DD1 was the one who was left out back around that age. But we got through it & now she's a popular, happy, confident girl who is friends with everyone, because she doesn't treat ANYONE differently, even though other kids at school do.


If there is more I can do, please, let me know. If she feels I'm not doing enough, its because her advice seems to always be 'did you flog him/her?' I'm not into abusing my children. She has no right to think I'm not disciplining my kids to her 'standards' while she lets her children walk all over her. That's a whole other issue I have though. Maybe she does feel that way, but her DD isn't as innocent as she seems to think she is. While I will not deny mine has been at fault, she's not the only one & she has never, ever been a child to show nastiness to anyone, ever before.

But hopefully DD is learning that she is her own person, who can make her own decisions & play with whoever she likes, no matter what the other kids think. And keep being the non judgemental, happy, loving child she has always been.