3year old having issues with CC on Mondays

[dd311]

I have a dilema my 3 year old has worked out that on weekends she gets to be with mummy and daddy all day and on Mondays it's back to creche. She started by complaining that she "didn't want to go" and "doesn't like it" "don't make me go mummy" which is totally heartbreaking I am the main income earner in our house and husband has had a back injury and can't really stay home and look after the kids - so it's work/creche pay mortgage or no house and food etc etc...

It has gotten worse now with her starting the I don't want to go to creche on Sunday nights before bed her anxiety levels start peaking and it's breaking my heart I just don't know what to do and feel like a bad mother sending her I have even changed day care facilities for her but it's just the same.

Any advise on how to help her and me get through this cause me not working is not an option for us atm.

xxdd

[Jayney]

Was she happy about going before?
Has something changed or happened there recently?

MY friends 3 year old started screaming and fighting about not wanting to go to preschool and after a while she figured out they had a fire drill and it scared her. So they talked about it and talked to the teachers who helped her be more comfortable there.

Is it that she doesn't want to leave you or that she doesn't want to go there?

How heartbreaking to have to see your sweetie so upset about a situation like this. It is times like this when we'd like to wave a magic wand and make everything better.

[MrsFabuloso]

Unfortunately this is pretty common and normal for kids to not want to go to preschool. Is she happy after she gets there and you leave? Does she interact and have fun after the initial upset? Is she attention seeking? She might knows it upsets you and maybe that she gets more attention when she does it. Have you tried asking her why she doesn't want to go to preschool. She might have a reason. I know it is hard, but you need to try to stop feeling guilty and tell her the reason she needs to go to kindy is so that you can work and that you have to work. Explain it simply and at her level but tell her the truth. When you get to preschool, do you give her a big hug and tell her you're going to work and will be back at the end of the day (or whatever the routine is for you) and then leave- don't hang around or come back in and out? Sometimes this helps too.

[MantaRay]

I was going to ask that too - how does she go once she is there and you have gone? Jack was 2 when he did this same thing for a few weeks. It didn't last long luckily, because as you say, it is an awful feeling for us when they do it. In Jack's case, he has always loved day care, but this happened after Tom was born (not straight after, but soonish after), and I think Jack missed Thomas. He would be fine after I left him, in fact the girls would always say he'd had a great day, but before hand he'd say "mummy, turn around and go home, don't want to go to kindy" etc. And mostly he'd cry when I left him, but then stop before I got to the door (I was out of sight by then). I think he wasn't that upset about going, but didn't like the idea of Tom being at home without him. Now Tom goes to day care too and they both go off so happily. I notice your 3 yo has a little sister too - is she in day care too? Anyway, I hope it passes soon for you, and hugs to you in the meantime.

[chickbabe61]

Hey hun i know how hard this is for you. I would liek to know the same as the others. What does the day care care givers say about how his day has been. Has anything changed in you life at all? My neice went through this 2 times before the first was because my sister had recently been arguing with her partner and my neice saw that and wanted to stay home with mummy. the second was becasue she got a new care giver that wasn't too nice, she was old and really didn't have the time for the children, after alot of complaints the lady left and she has been fine since. She loves daycare and now school.

I hope you work this out and good luck

[2girlz]

Hi,
My 2 1/2 year old daughter did the same thing just recently I would find out if something has scared her. To me when she says "don't make me go" sounds like it's something to do with her place of care. When Cadence did it I found out it was because the lady in her room spoke with a loud voice after the lady left she was fine. It's very common I felt the same emotions you're feeling, during the time she didn't want to go i would drop her off give her a cuddle say goodbye and walk out I perosnally found the longer the goodbye the harder for the both of you

[dd311]

Thanks for the support firstly yes lots has happened when I was pg with our second I dropped her off in the morning and didn't return home for 2 weeks because I was seriously ill and in hospital and then this happened again when I had my second (who is also in daycare now)was born and then again after! DH had his back operated on and was in hospital for a week also - so there has been a number of separation issues with hospitals cause I had been in and out probably about 3 or 4 times myself (I'm ok now).

Secondly, DH and I have been arguing abit atm so things are strained but we do try very hard not to have any anxieties in front of the kids but we are trying to worked through things together to stay a family. Money has been a huge factor with my being sick all of a sudden and the way the prvte health system is it cost us a truck load of money we didn't really have at the time and are only just now starting to get back on our feet but I am working full time and now DH is off on workcover!

Third, she complains about not liking one of her carers especially but also tells me she doesn't like her friends and they tell her "they're not her friend" - I'm not so fussed over this I think most kids do go through this but her pre-school group is mixed with 3year olds up to 5 year olds so maybe this is happening more than it needs for her age bracket?? Also she was the centre of attention in the junior room cause she was an early talker and taught herself the alphabet and how to count etc and now she's just blending in with the crowd cause she's progressed into the "kinder room".

[Jayney]

Maybe they could put her in the junior room for a bit and see if that helps. With the amount of stress the family has been under keeping one thing constant will help her. I'd push to put her back in the junior room.

I would talk to the teachers about the "not my friend bit" As a teacher I would want to talk to the kids about this and how it makes people feel.

Right now my DD#1 is going to the 2-4 year old Sunday School class instead of the K-2. Because the thought changing classes was getting her upset. We just moved and will give her time to settle before moving her up.

[MantaRay]

Oh your poor thing, you have been through a lot lately. I like the suggestion of trying to move back to the junior room, or if they can't do that, maybe see if the carers can find other ways of compensating. Before Jack moved up to his current room he was getting bored, so they brought toys and puzzles out from the older room for him and that helped a lot. I am sure there are things they can do if you talk to them.

Also, I would be reassuring your DD constantly that you WILL be there to pick her up etc. I am sure she must wonder whether or not you will be there at the end of the day, after those hospitalisations. So lots of reassurance should help.

Other than that of course, trying not to fight, or show stress in front of her, which you already know. And then give it time. It is probably not going to stop overnight, but hopefully it won't take too long. And don't feel bad, you are doing the best you can. Big hugs, I hope life gets easier for you soon.

[dd311]

Hi all,

I am going to speak to the carers about the "Not friends" thing. They won't put her back into the junior room but maybe they can be abit more understanding about her (our) situation - I'll try and discuss this with the creche director and also about the staff member that she always complains about. I have asked DD why but she just says she doesn't like her she's not nice - she doesn't seem the happiest person but I've never seen her be nasty or anything with the kids.

DH and I have discussed this also and we are going to be a more united front around her and I think she's actually helped us to realise what's important also.

I have also been telling her that we have to go to creche like mummy has to go to work it helps us to get new things - great stuff like new toys and food and we can go on holidays (she understands holidays - funny how they pick that one so early!). So we'll see - thanks for all the advice I am trying to follow the various suggestions - I'll let you know how I go with the chat with the director.

xxdd

[MantaRay]

That's great to hear that you have a plan of attack and are sounding more positive. I really hope you have some success. Please do let us know how you go.

[Rouge]

I hope things pick up for your little princess... My first thought was there was something stressful there to cause her to not want to go. Goodluck!

[ljv]

My DS does this every day too. When I sat down and talked to him, he said that some of the other children hit him and were taking his toys. So, we have been working on strategies with him to stand up to them.

The carers did not take me seriously at all but eventually I became more firm about one of the children and they admitted that they knew he was an issue (I think that other parents have complained too) and that they have been trying to address with his parents.

It's so hard for them - they are so young to have the resources to deal with this yet. The best you can do is talk to the centre staff until they do something about it.