bedtime stress

[mummycate]

I have left her to play and then gone back to resettle her. I works, but means I should put her in her cot at 6pm and settle her down by 6.30 and hopefully she's down by sundown.

I might go buy her a mobile.

[mummycate]

I tried putting her down at 6.00 tonight. An hour later she's still protesting. She got out her wrap only once. She is tired but I don't know how much more I can take. She won't eat much except for bread, biscuits and crackers (I limit the biscuit to 1-2 per day). She also has a weird rash. About 15 little blisters spread out over her body, mostly on her left arm and a few on her left leg.

I can't handle this. And her father rang me just now and I told him of how difficult things are atm, and he said that I will only have her for another 2 weeks and then I don't have to worry. I asked him to keep to my routine and he said "I'll just do what works". I'm furious. He's going to f*ck things up for me yet again. I think I should go to CSA and ask for full custody.

[C~Q]

Oh **** that really sucks CAte Do you think maybe he is just saying that to spite you or will he really just do "what works"? This time round you could always say that she has a little rash and you don't want her away from you till it's gone...at least that way it could give you guys more time to form a routine

[mummycate]

Well its taking me this long to fix the "routine" which it isn't that he did while i worked for 8 days over 3 weeks. In that short time, and with me having to look for real estate, he f*cked things up. He was kicking me and and screwed up her routine. I'm at breaking point. On average it takes me 1 hour to get her to sleep each night and she fights her naps too. She's likely to be teething too. She won't let me hold her to settle her without her kicking the sh*t out of me and bucking like a wild bronco, screaming and fighting me. He managed to hold her a certain way and read to her some stupid Buddhist fairy tales (compared to the other fairy tales, they're weak) and hold her to sleep. he won't let me hold her to sleep. She used to but she's so strong now I can't. I just gave her teething relief and 15 minutes later she's still yelling and for the first time in more than 6 weeks, I gave her paracetamol. The only way I can get her to sleep easily is to rock her in the pram. But she wakes on transfer and we're back to the beginning. I'm going to make a top up and change her nappy to see if that helps.

[Pandora]

If it were me, I would be ringing CSA.
Custody is different at her age, and especially in the circumstances you guys have, and with you being interstate. I'd be calling them tomorrow morning.

Did she used to go to bed for the night at 6 (I am assuming that was her previous routine)? Some kids just don't go til later.

[Zee]

When we moved into our house here it took DD 6ish weeks to get back into her routine, a move really upsets them.

[mummycate]

I used to put her to bed between 7 and 8pm. But after several days of her taking at least an hour to go down, I kept bringing it earlier so she'd be asleep at a reasonable hour. Tonight it took two hours, water, nappy change (1.5 hours of fighting produced a lot of wee), teething relief and panadol and a top up before she finally succumbed.

[mummycate]

She can get out of her safe T sleep within 3 minutes. I don't know what to do any more. Should I just wait for her to fall asleep, which could take hours???

[mummycate]

I now pin it to the mattress twice. On the left and on the right. She gets out of it by wriggling out the top. And when she's out, she stands and plays and then gets very upset yet will not go to sleep. I don't know how she'll manage for her father.

[C~Q]

I would wait. As long as she's not really upset and crying. Even if it takes an hour of her playing and then she lies down. I think if you want to have "structure" then as long as it's bedtime at say, 7pm then it doesn't matter whether or not she is asleep IYKWIM?

[Michelle71]

Just a question - is there a reason why you are still using the safetsleeper?? Maybe letting her find a position of comfort to sleep may help. My DS has just recently gone into the cot and he usually lies in a variety of positions during the night.

[mummycate]

Well she gets herself hysterical when she's tired. And I'm not exaggerating, she really hates lying on her back but will not stay still. So I can't just put her on her tummy to sleep, she just crawls and stands and then gets very upset as she's so tired. She finally fell asleep. I think that the 5th time I strapped her in, with two pins so she can't sit up, roll over and escape. There is not much else I can do.

[Mez80]

I just went through this with my almost 8 month old DD so i know exactly how you feel. We also moved recenty and it was getting so bad she starting fighting sleep in the day too. After trying everything... this is what works for me..

We have a routine.
Around 6- 6:15 (after she has been up since 3:30pm) she has a bath and i let her have as much fun as she wants..sometimes she is in there for up to 25 mins... after the bath its 'quiet time'. I have a bottle ready in the fridge which i made up b4 the bath...
I massage some lotion into her b4 i dress her and we pick 2 books from the shelf. I turn the kettle on and we sit down for story time.
After the stories, i heat the milk, turn the tv off, turn some of the lights off if lots r on and i feed her in the lounge room.
When she is done i take her straight to her room, we turn the cd player on, the night light and i lay her in her bed,kiss her goodnight while covering her with her wrap.
I sit on a toy box which is opposite her cot until she falls asleep. She is a tummy sleeper and at first did the whole going on her tummy to look at me and cry but i sat there peacefully ...trying not to show remorse and let her look at me..her head eventually got too heavy and she put it down to sleep. This took about 3 days for her to get use too...
This has been working very well for us for the past week and a half. We no longer have to take turns to rock or walk around the house with her.
Its so hard to see her crying but when you know she is not sick, hungry, thirsty or has a dirty nappy, when u know she needs sleep.. just being there for her is all you can do.
Try to ignore the crawling around and yelling..just watch her with not much of an expression and when she doesnt receive any attention for it, she will soon stop and go to sleep.
Best of luck, let us know how it goes.

[Aranah]

Do you think it might be the being strapped down thing that's an issue for her? Can you try just without it for a night and see if eventually she settles into her own position? My DS lies in many different posistions a night, many of them on his stomach. He crawls around in his cot too, but eventually just settles down in the position he wants to.

She is quite old to be strapped down IMO.

If I did that with my DS, he would never sleep. Sorry if this has already been mentioned hun.

[mummycate]

Ok tomorrow I'll try it.

[tdv]

hey, I hope things have improved since you last wrote. I have a near 11 month old who like you used to be a great sleeper until she learnt how to stand in the cot. Chloe won't let me leave the room until she is asleep otherwise she just stands up and cries. Some nights it takes 5 mins to settle her and I am out of the room other night we are not so lucky. This is what we have been doing and most nights it works......
Depending on what time chloe wakes up from her afternoon sleep determines what time she goes to bed at night. She used to always go to bed at 7pm but now that she does not keep still during the day we are finding that she is ready for bed at 6:30. Since putting her to bed earlier we have found that she is drifting off to sleep a lot quicker. We do our bedtime routine (bath,bottle story etc) , I put her in her sleeping bag, cuddle her and tell her it is time to sleep. Put her in her cot awake and just keep laying her down until she gets exhausted that she stays down. After I have layed her down I keep my hand on her back as a reward for staying down. As soon as she tries to get up I take my hand away and then lay her back down (hand is quite firm on her bag) after about 20 seconds of laying my hand on her I take it away etc I have tried sneaking out of the room only to find that 20 seconds later she up again. So now I stay in there until she is asleep. I think by her knowing that we are not leaving her to cry and that she trusts us that if she needs us we will respond may help her to sleep through the night, who knows!!! If she does wake during the night we do exactly the same thing, some night easy other nights not so easy. If I find she begins to play in her cot then I walk straight out of her room to let her know that it is not play time. When i leave she cries but more of a come back mum cry rather than an emotional cry. I only go back in when i have had enough of listening to her, lay her down and remind her it is time to sleep. By this stage she is so buggered she goes to sleep. It is such a difficult stage when they are crawling or standing up in their cot, I have written numerous times on other forums asking for advice and everyone says it is a phase they go through which keeps me sane, even though it is so frustrating.

I have also found that if I am really tired during the day and I can't be bothered with the constant standing then I settle her in the pram and she sleeps so well. Might be just the cozyness of the pram, who knows?

Best of luck!

[mummycate]

Every time I layed her down on her back and put firm pressure on her chest to get her to settle, she bucks and kicks her legs to flip over. So when I try her on her tummy she keeps getting up on her knees and crawling away. What I've found works, even though it can take an hour, is every time she gets out of her safetsleep I put her back down and redo it. But she's with her dad now and of course, he does what ever the bleep he feels like, so I don't know how she's sleeping. He's told me not to call and check on her. But its ok for him to text me every 1-3 days asking how she is while we were in Brisbane. Why can't I ask how she is??? He is hurt me so much and he knows it. Putting blocks up between me and my child, is hitting me so hard.

[krysalyss]

Hi Cate,
Hope you are going ok. Your XDP does sound like he really loves her so just appeal to this side and explain to him that you need to know she is going ok. He probably just feels like you are checking up on his parenting. I agree with what the others have said about the safety strap. When DS was little he would scratch the **** out of his face and head when he was going to sleep and it would wake him up. So we used to wrap him even until he was about 6 months. It then got too hot and he got too strong but within a few days of not wrapping him, he learnt not to scratch himself. We just hadn't really given him the opportunity to learn that before. At El's age, she is so mobile and will be even in her sleep. But the more she is restrained the more likely she is to resist sleep as it will be quite a negative experience for her. The other day Iggy was so tired but just didnt want to sleep so I put him in the cot with his usual blanky and dummy and then strapped a musical toy to the side for him to play with. He played with it for about 10 mins and was then fast asleep. Its not always that easy but the days we make it relaxed and happy he goes down a lot easier.
Sometimes it is the things you dont expect that work the best. My DH is great at rocking DS to sleep - not because he is quiet and gentle but because he sings loudly and rocks him energetically. I have started doing this too as it distracts him long enough for sleep to sneak up on him.
Anyway I HTH.
Take the opportunity to get some rest while El is away.
XO Kris