Hi Cate,
Hope you are going ok. Your XDP does sound like he really loves her so just appeal to this side and explain to him that you need to know she is going ok. He probably just feels like you are checking up on his parenting. I agree with what the others have said about the safety strap. When DS was little he would scratch the **** out of his face and head when he was going to sleep and it would wake him up. So we used to wrap him even until he was about 6 months. It then got too hot and he got too strong but within a few days of not wrapping him, he learnt not to scratch himself. We just hadn't really given him the opportunity to learn that before. At El's age, she is so mobile and will be even in her sleep. But the more she is restrained the more likely she is to resist sleep as it will be quite a negative experience for her. The other day Iggy was so tired but just didnt want to sleep so I put him in the cot with his usual blanky and dummy and then strapped a musical toy to the side for him to play with. He played with it for about 10 mins and was then fast asleep. Its not always that easy but the days we make it relaxed and happy he goes down a lot easier.
Sometimes it is the things you dont expect that work the best. My DH is great at rocking DS to sleep - not because he is quiet and gentle but because he sings loudly and rocks him energetically. I have started doing this too as it distracts him long enough for sleep to sneak up on him.
Anyway I HTH.
Take the opportunity to get some rest while El is away.
XO Kris