Hi, I don't know what help I can be as we're going through the same thing with our 4 month old, but for what it's worth....

Our bub is a fan (!?!!) of being rocked to sleep, however it took a good few months to learn that the crying, arching of the back etc he does when I rock him is not neccessarily him wanting to get out of my arms but it means he's actually very nearly at the point of falling asleep and he's really fighting it. We push through this barrier now as it usually means he's very soon going to fall asleep and 99% of the time, he's off very shortly after the final back arch and whinge. I guess I'm saying perhaps persevere for another 5 mins or so if you think they are hating the rocking singing etc, as they are probably much closer than they appear to dropping off to sleep!

Also - does your bub face you in the pram? Our bub NEVER slept in the pram, always crying etc. But then I turned him round (kind of upside down as we're in a phil 'n teds!) so he could face me and now (on a good day!) he falls asleep in the pram. It's made a really big difference to have him face me. Even now, if I turn him around so he's not facing me he cries and carries on again!

Hope this helps, good luck and you're definitely not alone!!

But as for self settling - I have no idea what the answer is and I envy those parents of bubs who can magically put them in their cot and they usually fall asleep with no fuss!!