Thanks everyone!! Sounds that most are in a similar boat!! We have done the leaving her to settle and going in and patting. I find it quite often works once or twice in the day (followed only by a half hour sleep) but not at night. I think I feel guilty after 20 minutes adn don't continue!! So we do the music and patting. She is the same as kaitlyn, will do the "siren" and it ALWAYS suprises (and irritates) me!! Will just persevere.
thanks for all the advice! I will try the crying at night again tonight just to see how we go!! xoxo