settling at night

[Mumma2three]

I just wondered how everyone gets their bubs to sleep at night?
This is how it goes for us at the moment. Feed anywhere from 5.30pm-7.30pm. If she falls asleep put her in cot, if not, put her in cot!! If asleep will only sleep 5-30 mins. If not asleep will cry and not go to sleep. End up having to then rock her in my arms for at LEAST half an hour, but really more like 45 minutes until she's fast asleep. Saying that, it's often not that straightforward. Just wanted some suggestions.
We do the bath, quiet feed in bedroom etc.
thankks xoxo

[Ambah]

When Aidyn was younger, often me and DP would take turns holding him against us and swaying/rocking with him whilst we played gentle music in the background. Sometimes it could take up to an hour, but it was still our surefire way to calm him down to sleep.
Another thing that used to work was lying next to him on our bed and stroking his hair/face until he relaxed and fell asleep...
HTH

[Mumma2three]

thanks Ambah, that pretty much sounds like us! Guess it's just nice to know we're normal!! I was hoping for a really quick way, I think Im less patient at that time, not helped with having Tilly who needs things like dinner, bath, home work and bed!! DH helps out too, but he's going to be back at uni from next week, so I'll be on my own at nights. Not looking forward to it xoxo

[Trillian]

Well, *she nervously starts to type* we never nursed our kids off to sleep when they were babies. After their last feed between 6.30 - 7.30 pm we always put them into their bassinnette/cot/bed awake and let them self settle. Mind you we'd never let them cry for long before we went into them, but it just worked really well for us to do that and all 3 of our kids are really good sleepers. We did have the odd night when they wouldn't go to sleep, so we would nurse them then to settle them down to sleep. We could never do the bath before bed thing when they were babies because our house is too cold in winter, so that always happened during the day.

Bedtime is always 7.30pm no matter what and I think that has helped alot with the settling routine because they always know what time is bedtime IYKWIM? Naturally this cannot always happen if we are out etc.
Hope this hasn't confused you Meg.
So I suppose we are in between 'gentle parenting' and 'control crying'.

[Melinda]

Yep, there's been times when we've spent an hour (or longer!) settling Jacob also.

We did the bath, feed in his room, straight to bed thing, but it didn't always work - there were times when it didn't, or times when he'd sleep briefly and then wake and need settling. When he'd need settling we'd rock him, pat him, stroke his face etc etc.

[Lucy]

Meg,

As I think I have mentioned to you before, Olivia was a shocker to get to sleep from about 3 weeks old to 4 months old.

Our method to get her off in the evening was to feed her and then one of us would hold her close in the Baby Bjorn and just walk up and down the house, whilst patting her. It was as boring and as frustrating as, but this, or a long drive in the car was about all that worked. We didn't have dinner together for months! (But looking back, whilst we were all totally knackered, it was such a short space of time really).

(When she got to 4 months and we introduced bath at 6.30pm, final feed in a really dim peaceful room with Peacebaby on, from that point on she seemed to get the knack of just drifting off by herself with no crying whatsoever)

But until 4 months she would just scream the minute you put her to bed, but if she fell asleep vertically we could then transfer her easily & she would stay asleep. (Until she woke for a feed around 3am)


With Charlie, he has always self settled and we have been really lucky to pop him into bed and he drifts off by himself very happily without a cry. But on the odd occasion that he does cry, if I hold him and sing softly to him, he visibly relaxes and goes to sleep in my arms and I can transfer him no problem.

I think all you can do is take each night as it comes, support each other with love and humour and affection, don't get frustrated, and simply go with Coco's cues.

HTH

[nellbe]

With Matthew, he has his routine of dinner, bath, read book, boob feed with sleepy cd and in darkened room. Often that does it... but lately he has gone to bed, woken up and started crying, so he gets another cuddle on the bed in his room, another feed and then he goes in his cot. If he is whingeing either of us lay on the bed with him and that helps drift off. (he is in his cot, I am on the bed iykwim)

DH and I have also found that we have to be relaxed within ourselves and don't watch the clock. Also either one of us is to get to bed, if both of us try, he gets too stimulated and its like it fun time with mum and dad and he gets all excited!

Hope some of this helps.

[Lucy]

Nell makes a really good point there:

and don't watch the clock

With Olivia I found that if I clock watched, it just drove me frustrated & batty! But if I just surrendered to it & relaxed totally myself, that would help ALL of us!

[mummy2Kaitlyn]

Hi Meg,

Kaitlyn was SERIOUSLY unsettled for her first 3months...On the advice of nurses and everyone else we would let her cry for a minute and then go in and tap tap tap her ...but never pick her up ..that is what we were told!. Sometimes it would take us 1-2 hours to get her to fall alseep at night ...in ..out...in ...out ...tap tap tap !

Anyway now we have developed a good routine . We feed , Play , Bath then top up feed. Then I wrap her and she gets her dummy , then a cuddle in her room until I know she is relaxed and I pop her to bed. Then she usually wakes 45 mins later and needs to be resettled , so she usually gets a quick 5min cuddle and then she goes back into her cot and she is alseep for the night. She settles so much faster now that I give her a cuddle when she is crying rather then just tapping her and leaving her in her cot.

Have you tried wrapping and a dummy ?.I have found these two settling techniques wonderful, sometimes Kaitlyn closes her eyes as soon as the dummy goes in!

[Astrid]

I can never just leave DD in the bed and just pat her to settle, I need to pick her up. Many a time after a quick cuddle she will do a big burp! If I just left her there and patted she would have still cried. (I used to try this when she was younger).

I don't watch the clock either. If I am using music to help her settle, then I judge the time by what song we are at. If she is not asleep by the middle of the 2nd song, then she isn't going to, so we have a break and try again at the next big eye rubs.

[Pearl]

I can't just pat James either ... his cry seems to get worse if I'm there but don't pick him up. Can definitely relate to the rocking for up to an hour scenario.

Webbmeg, Coco's routine sounds just like James' including the wake-up-after-45-minutes caper. We call it the 'siren' -as we are usually just sitting down to dinner when a big wail seems to come from nowhere and one of us has to run upstairs for a cuddle!

James has good and bad weeks when going to bed, some weeks he'll drift off with just a couple of cuddles, then he'll go through a stage of being really difficult to put down. So for us it hasn't been a 'since he was x months old' kind of thing. Totally unpredictable.

Pearl

[Mumma2three]

Thanks everyone!! Sounds that most are in a similar boat!! We have done the leaving her to settle and going in and patting. I find it quite often works once or twice in the day (followed only by a half hour sleep) but not at night. I think I feel guilty after 20 minutes adn don't continue!! So we do the music and patting. She is the same as kaitlyn, will do the "siren" and it ALWAYS suprises (and irritates) me!! Will just persevere.
thanks for all the advice! I will try the crying at night again tonight just to see how we go!! xoxo