How to handle the disappointment

[puppies]

This is my first month TTC and even thought I am 9 DPO I am certain that I am not pregnant. I am feeling a bit crampy. I don't have sore BB's. I don't feel any different. I have been reading the 2WW diaries and the ladies who got the BFP had the sore BB and other symptoms. How do I cope with the disappointment? How do you get used to it month after month? As soon as I feel the cramping which is only slight and not specific to a side, I just get so sad. I know that AF is coming and part of me is happy cause at least then I get another go at it, but the other part of me is incredibly sad because I want BFP so badly.

I would really appreciate some tips on how to get by each month...

[AnyDream]

I always found it helpful to plan a little extra bit of self-pamper, and I think that included staying in bed a couple of times! Plus I'm a believer that things happen when they are meant to, when the time is right that little bub will make their way into your life. It helps to be aware too that it's normal for it to take several months to fall pregnant, so not being pregnant in any single month isn't really a disaster, KWIM?

BTW when I got my BFP I didn't actually have any symptoms that early on, except for an incredible feeling of smugness!

[puppies]

Thanks MaryDean,
I feel a bit silly sending that post because of all the ladies here that have been waiting so long, but at the same time I still feel disappointed and don't really have anyone else to get support from. So I came here looking for it.
I have started writing my own personal diary, that gives my emotions as well as my charting. Its just something I am doing but not publishing to anyone. I guess typing it up kinda feels like I am talking to someone about it all and that makes me feel a bit better. I guess its nice to do, so that when it does happen I can have a record of the journey to look back on and maybe share with bubs when they have grown up.
I might also take your advice and go and get a massage on Thursday and get my hopes up about the next cycle.

thanks for you reply, I really appreciate it.

[Rumpleteaser]

The first time I was PG, I thought AF was on way as I had cramping for 1 week prior to haveing AF type bleed (was still PG though, just didn't know it at time). This time I did not get any symptoms till after missed AF.

[Trillian]

Hi Puppies, just moving this to conception general discussion.....

[Mel A]

hi Puppies,

I've been TTC since 2006, and am soo happy to give support to anyone regardless of how long it takes. Please so never feel bad or worried when comming to this space we are all hear for the outlet it offers.

I found it really really helpful charting. If I had an anovulation cycle or my CM wasn't egg white, or my temprature dropped below incubation temp. I know that this couldn't have been my month. Espesially the anovulation cycles, It helped with the dissapointment because that was a month that I could never have got pgt. As I look back the charting also showed continious improvement in my bodies reactions. So, although that month was a no go, things were getting progressivly better.

I also found that once I stopped trying to deal with the sadness, and accepted it as part of the process, it was much eaiser to move on to the next try and the next happy day. It was almost like, Yep theres the sadness, that's the sign that moves me to next cycle instead of a sign that i need to steel up and take it.

I hope that helps a little, I like the idea of a pamer session, I think a pedicure may be in order. .......

Warm and Sunny Smiles

Mel

[satya]

I just tried to keep busy to keep my mind off it - that's all I can suggest.

By the way, don't ever write off a cycle because you don't feel much different to normal. With this pregnancy I had less "symptoms" than what I had during non pregnant cycles because of course most real symptoms don't kick in until after your AF is due anyway.

[Shanti]

Puppies

I don't think there is an easy way of handling the disappointment when you realise it's not your month.... *sighs* each month I find is different. Some months i take it harder than other months. Last month after 4 cycles, i did not cope very well and just got really sad about it all... this cycle, i know AF is only hours away (i know as my chart tells me) however I don't feel as bad as i did about it all, last cycle. Perhaps it's because I am kinda used to the disappointment? Not sure.. but you find ways to cope. You keep yourself busy, pamper yourself, be kind to yourself and when you find yourself being negative, you STOP it and start finding things u can be positive about.... like how you have wonderful family and friends in your life who love you, and just focusing on all the things that are wonderful in life and that you 'do' have here and now....

I just try and focus on NOW. and that helps me get thru it ONE DAY AT A TIME. big hugs, hope your ttc journey is a short one

[~Debbie~]

I suggest charting.
Something i was told, was, to live your life as normal. Dont think "I wonder if" all the time. If AF is due in 5days, and you want a drink, then have it. Cause, the more you put your life on hold waiting and wondering, the harder it will be. It took as 14months to conceive Aiden, and i didnt have BellyBelly then, and i thought it was an long time. Now i know better, and, it certainly isnt any easier the 2nd time around.

Dont think about, if i am preg, this time next year.... dont think i will wait till i am preg before i do....

[Liviam]

Wow this one is hard to answer. Some months I took it all in my stride and oh well maybe next month thoughts and then the next month I was so devestated that my poor DH came home from work to find his bags packed at the door and me telling him to leave me because I will never be able to give him the baby he deserves. Those were some crazy times. What got me through AF each month was my DH's strong belief that we will have a baby, heaps of cuddles and choccies. Then one month I did exactly what Debbie suggested. We lived our life, DTD anywhere we wanted any way and along came our little girl. I would try what Debbie suggested and hopefully your TTC journey is nearing it's end.

[AJC]

I think it is something that you learn to deal with over time. I sometimes spoil myself at the beautician or with a new pair of shoes or something. Or sometimes I spoil myself with food like a few glasses of wine, latte & a bit of cake something that I would not normally have after I know I have ovulated and 'could' be pregnant.

Good luck. I hope it happens very soon for you but it can take up to 12 months for a normal healthy couple to conceive so try not to put too much pressure on yourselves.