Feel like I'm having an ultra hard time at the moment... living in Sydney where I really don't have many close friends, feeling lonely etc. Just bumped into someone that I know from back home in Adelaide who also works in the city.... have emailed her a month ago to see if she wants to catch up (she has a child) but she never got back to me.
So bumped into her and she apologies that she hadn't emailed as she'd been sooo busy, fair enough. I mentioned that I was feeling a bit lost in sydney and not loving it, feeling a bit loney and her response was 'well just have a child and you'll never be lonely'. I had to walk away but first had to respond 'we've been trying for nearly 2 years'. Of course I got sooo upset. This is the first time I've really got upset over something like this!
Emstar, just wanted to offer you some support. I cannot imagine how you feel having being ttc for 2 years, but you do have every right to get upset. Don't ever think that your feelings are not warranted! Some people really should think before they speak, and I have no doubt that I would have reacted in exactly the same way you did.
ah thanks Mel! This poor girl didn't really know we were actively trying though, well she knew we were in 07.... and i've never let on before about how desperate i am for a child. Plus I never ever get upset with anyone except my HD. so i may have overreacted, oh well!
yeah on and off for 2 years with nothing wrong... seeing a specialist next month
Em, it's so hard. We were TTC for 3.5 years (no known reason) so I know where you're coming from. People just don't think when they make comments like your friend, and often they have had no experience or have known anyone dealing with infertility. Don't feel bad for what you said to her and for getting upset. What you are going through is hard and there are going to be bad days. it might be an idea to go and seek some counselling if you think it will help you. I saw a counsellor and then I started seeing a naturopath. For some reason I didn't gel with the counsellor and felt more comfortable chatting with my NP. It's important to find someone you are comfortable with.
Good luck with your specialist. I hope this is your year.
Hey Megan, thank you for your message! you bought a tear to my eye!!! Yeah guess it is natural to have bad days and let it show sometimes! I am actually seeing a chinese herbalist at the moment so trying to get my body healthy first, now i need my mind healthy! might go see a councellor or something.
congrats to you - must be so so exciting after all that time! yay!
Im so sorry some people just dont think before they open their mouths!
I have a friend who said something along the same lines to me, it was so upsetting. And fustrating too, she basically falls pregnant if a guy stands next to her!!!
My advice is that she obviously isnt worth being friends with at the moment and just chat to us. Are you working? Have you made any friends at work? Maybe you could start up a hobbie, such as a dance or art class?
I am sure she didn't intentionally hurt you and I know that if I was her that retaliating the way you did, although it may have hurt, would have reminded me that sometimes things are out of our control. Sometimes we all say things without thinking.
Maybe flick her an email apologising for snapping, but explain that you were feeling pretty raw that day after finding out you had another unsuccessful month. I am sure that she will be understanding and maybe even apologise for not thinking before speaking.
Last edited by alioops; February 7th, 2009 at 01:01 PM.
Hey ali - thanks, i didn't snap at her, i just had to walk away! she text me straight away and of course I apologised as i don't usually get upset really, i was having a shocking day! Yeah i am also a big one for speaking my mind and sometimes putting my foot in it so I don't feel like she did anything wrong!
alana - thank you for your comments appreciate it! nice that people here are understanding and that you have also had something similar happen, although that sux at least you can relate to me. As mentioned the friend doesn't really know I was trying for so long so i don't think she intentionally meant it. she did fall pregnant accidently and her sister was going through IVF and infront of her she would make comments all the time about hoping she doesn't fall again and how she didn't really want to have a baby etc... think she just doesn't really think before she speaks. Most of the people i work with are guys, i've met a good friend through art classes, am starting netball soon and have just started learning spanish! so finding ways to keep busy and to stop feeling sorry for myself!
Em - oh hun, huge to you. Been there, done that and lost it with friends myself. IMO unless people have personally experienced difficulty in ttc, they have absolutely no idea. There are so many out there who manage to get pg at the drop of a hat and have totally no clue about how soul destroying it can be, struggling to be able to achieve one of the most fundamental reasons we are here. There has been many a time where I have just wanted to tell others to f**k off when they say 'oh it'll happen when the time is right'. How dare they be so dismissive of something so huge to us. I know that you have been seeing a herbalist and I agree with the others that have mentioned finding someone to talk to about things. Personally, I have really struggled with this in the past year or so and I think getting myself so wound up about it really really didn't help. I've raved to you about my NP, she is like a therapist and has helped me find a whole new perspective on ttc. Don't know yet if the new attitude has had an effect on that much wanted BFP but it certainly has helped me feel a lot more accepting of my situation and left me feeling WAY less strung out. In my rambling, I am trying to say how much it has helped me talking about my feelings in a very long winded way . Anyway hun, feel free to PM me any time if you just need a big vent cos trust me, it really really does help.
Don't be sorry, it's completely understandable, your friend unfortunately was very thoughtless.
If you like to find some people to do activities with such as dinners, walking etc. I am in a social club that has heaps of events in Sydney, if you're interested send me a PM and I can give you more details.
Don't feel bad. You're reaction was perfectly justified. It was a little careless of your friend to say such a thing- although perhaps forgivable considering she wasn't aware of your situation. I'm sure she feels sorry for what she said now.
When you are feeling up to trying something new- I can highly recommend the book 'The Natural Way to Better Babies - Preconceptual Healthcare for Prospective Parents'. It is written by Francesca Naish, Australia's most esteemed Natural Fertility Expert.
She offeres in depth information on how to eradicate some of the most common barriers to conception- such as hormonal imbalances, heavy metal and pesticide toxicity, etc. Info you are unlikely to ever get from your doctor.
Stay strong hon.
May you and your DH be blessed in this new year....
Hey Jelly thnaks so much for your cmments! I have actually bought that book (along with 100 others!! haha) and am finding the advice excellent, am slowly cleaning up my health so hopefully that will help! (used to be a huge caffeine and alcohol drinker and have cut right down)
Sara - thanks, I'll PM you soon to find out more. am feeling much better this week... i always get bad depression just before AF, so am feeling more positive now!
Mel I agree with you.... a lot of people don't understand the feelings that go with long term TTC and how it effects you. Am trying to look more on teh bright side, this is making me a lot stronger and testing my patience (am a very impatient and have to have everything now type of person). I'm going to find someone to talk to further about all of this i think. It is great that you are relaxing more about things, your NP has certainly helped you.
Thanks again everyone for commenting, I really appreciate you all and belly belly.
I agree some people just dont get it.... we had a miscarriage 4.5 years ago and then one last week.. some people have been really supportive and comforting .... but others you can tell are selfish and only care for themselves....This meant the world to us and its so so hard! We are strong but still somepeople shoudl think before the speak and act!!! Dont worry I believe in Karma for those who dont understand!
Oh Bub I am so so so sorry for your loss, I cannot comprehend what you are going through at the moment but am glad that you are holding up. I do hope you have a good support network of caring people around you at this time . Yeah there are some very very selfish people in this life and it does really get to me.
Reply With Quote
Registered User
oh dear i just lost it....
some people just dont think before they open their mouths!
Bookmarks