family who scrutinise every kg you gain...

[jules30]

Hi,

I am 55kgs, 154cm a size 8-10 and its the heaviest ive ever been, i have put on about 3kgs and kept it on in the last 12mths. Before that i have always been a constant weight around 50-52kg's. Anyhow, my sister who has 3 kids and is bigger than me (always has been even b4 kids) always makes comments to mum like 'she looks like she has put on more weight', 'her face is fatter today', her pants are looking too tight or that top/pants she wore made her look heavier.!!! OMG I never look at her and think she is big or puffy etc, i just dont think to critisize ever!! I dont understand it.

The thing that hurts is that she sees a friend of mine same height as me and same thing they have put a few kilos on, but apparently 'they still look good'. Seriously this is what makes girls get eating disorders, i sometimes want to go to this extreme so i dont hear the horrible comments.

I joined a gym recently and when i saw the trainer the first thing she said was 'so you are not here for weight loss, just fitness?' She didnt even ask me just assumed. So from that comment i can assume that i dont actually look as big as my sister makes out? My partner always tell me not to listen to her and that she is most probably jealous. But i cant understand that either.

I have an aunty that does the same thing. I avoid seeing her for that very reason but with my sister its different. I couldn't not see her.

And now when im just about to embark on ivf to get pregnant i am all down and paranoid about how im going to then cope with my sister and the comments once i start to gain weight (if i do get pregnant).

Im terrified of gaining weight now. And my self esteem is so lo..

[saslia]

I would suggest your sister is probably jealous of you and makes these comments to make HERSELF feel better. Going by your stats you are NOT AT ALL big. I would listen to trainer at the gym more than her. What a *****!

[bellelass]

Your sister is insecure and that has nothing to do with you. Don't let her put her baggage on your shoulders. Ignore her, or tell her where to stop the world and get off. If you want to work out, more power to you, you'll feel great. If it were my sister (who wouldn't say such things) I'd point out she's bigger than I, and that I'm happy with the way I look and don't need to put someone else down. For pete's sake, you're no whale. Not even a porpoise.

[Rouge]

I would simply turn around to her and say, "darling when you are my weight or thinner then you can comment until then shuttup because its total projection, and in that case if you aren't happy with your own body do something about it. Because you know what I LOVE mine." I bet you she won't know what hit her!

How rude, how dare anyone think they have a right to do or say those things to anyone, especially family.

[nic]

Yep, sounds like your sister has a case of the green eyed monster, and is trying to project her insecurities onto you.

Goodluck with the IVF

Nic

[Alipralli]

Oh wow... You are absolutely TINY!!!! You are about 1/2 my size!!!! Actually, seeing how I am about the size of a house, you must be the size of a townhouse or something...:P

I have to agree with the other girls that your sister is probably jealous of your body, and is making those comments to try and make herself feel a bit better.

Next time that she says something, I do agree that you should say something about how her comments are hurtful, and that you wish that she would stop making them.

BUT I don't think you should point out that she is bigger than you are. As someone who is big, and almost always has been, it is horrible to hear that people think that you are huge (i suppose it would hurt no matter what size you are)... at least you, being tiny, can look in a mirror and see the truth, or hear the truth from the trainer or whoever. But when you actually are big, and people tell you that, there is absolutely nowhere that you can go to, to get any reassurance about your body, its size, and how you look - I know that if I was to ask anyone, they would all tell me that I look fat and unattractive, but to actually hear those things out loud would just about kill me! And while I might think that one of my sisters, or one of the girls at work, etc, might look look larger in a particular outfit, or that their skirt is a bit tight, I wouldn't ever say anything - unless we went shopping together, and she was asking for my opinion on something she was trying on...

Instead of making nasty comments back to her, how about just saying that her comments are hurtful, and that you wish that she would stop making them, and then maybe you could ask her if she wants to join the gym with you? Maybe she is looking for someone to help her with her own body size, and would like to go, but not on her own? I know that I HATE going for a walk on my own, but if I am at my mum's house (she is a fitness fanatic), I will quite happily go for 2 hours walks with her, because I have someone to go with, and talk to, and take my mind of the pain! And she also makes me walk faster than what I would do on my own...

Maybe your sister is looking for some kind of reassurance for herself. Do you and your family ever say anything about her body? A stray compliment every now and then can do wonders for someone who rarely hears them! My own (rather skinny) sister said that I looked good in this new shirt that I had bought the other day, and also noticed that I have lost a little bit of weight (5kg), and when people actually notice things, and give you a compliment, then you feel better about yourself and are more likely to do something about the weight. My sisters compliment has kind of kicked along my desire to lose more weight, coz it does get to the point that if no-one is going to notice, then why bother doing anything anyway?

Anyway, I know that i have rambled on a bit, but I hope that makes sense to you - it is a bit late at night, and I don't know if I have found all the right words to say what I am trying to get across....

[jules30]

I have never said anything straight back to her face, and i never say anything about her weight. Not because i dont want to hurt her feelings, i just dont even notice the details. She actually points out to specific parts, my tummy, thighs, calves etc.

I do try to ignore it but after every 10 or so incidents i have a bit of a breakdown like tonight....

thanks everyone for listening and responding to my vent. You have given me a few laughs and made me feel better.

[LimeSlice]

Just wanted to say that as someone who has battled with my weight forever (my family given nn was Triple T (Tubby Two Tits)) and who is your size, that when I got down to 52 kgs, I was stoked! lol So I dont think you should be worried lol
I agree with the other girls.

But wrt to feelin glike you should be thinner and interesting thin g I found out whilst I was very thin was that if I had've got down to below 48kgs, for my height if I went into hospital, legalyl they couldve kept me there until I put on weight. 49kg and below for a 5'4 girl is considered underweight to the point where you are deemed anorexic!

Maybe you should just tell your sister that her constant comments on the size of your thighs is really boring and could see start reading the newspaper to have something interesting to talk about ;P

[Nadine216]

If she makes a comment like that again just drop your jaw down on the floor and cry: "WHAT!!! I have been eating only lettuce for a week now and my scale said I dropped about 100 grams!!!!!! Are you sure ... when last did you have an eye test??"

Seriously, I would take her aside and ask her if she has a problem with you and explain that after putting on a WOPPING 3kg's, you are still a woman and very sensitive about weighty issues and would appreciate her not refering to your weight. Explain to her that even though she might think that you don't take it to heart, it goes straight for that soft bit in the middle. And tbh, I don't know why your mom does not say something to her. She is being rude. I agree with the girls that she is probably jealous of your petite figure, but that does not give her the right to be rude and sure as hell not by hurting your feelings to make her feel better.

And for gaining weight when pg - OF COURSE you must. SHE of all ppl should know that. Just keep going to the gym and take note of what you eat and then you will pick up the pg weigh NATURALLY and drop it just as naturally.

Good luck with the IVF. Hope all goes well and you are pg asap