Byron Katie/Eckhardt Tolle/Buddhist Philosopy and self responsibility

[Inanna]

You see though Fiona "I feel like you're not pulling your weight" - that's not a feeling. The feeling is angry (that he's at the computer), frustrated etc etc... KWIM???

So, if you were to say: "I feel angry when you work at the computer while I organise dinner"... However, it's still your resposibility (accordimg to this philosophy!) how you choose to feel.
We make up arguments about why he is doing it. He is arrogat. He doesn't care about me. He thinks I am a servant...
However, if we can let go of the feeling and watch it... Is it that important???

Maybe the answer is still yes! All coolies...

What if you were to say: "I find it hard to organise dinner and children alone"... "Can we agree on a time after dinner so that you can work on the computer and I will find it easier"... You completely own this as your "problem"... Your husband is fine - he is happy tapping away on the puter while you cook and juggle so making it about him is an energy waster... KWIM

According to Byron we spend so much time justifying our anger/frustration what ever the case may be. If we accept what is and move to improving what is then we have less stress and are more happy!

What do you think?

please please note I am playing devils advocate and making the assumption that we are all happy to gently and kindly debate. If this is not so please tell me - I am NOT criticising or preaching. I have just as much a challenge with this as the next flo!

[Lulliloo]

According to Byron we spend so much time justifying our anger/frustration what ever the case may be. If we accept what is and move to improving what is then we have less stress and are more happy!

exactly. we need to look at why we feel, accept it and then work to change it.

[Maruschke]

So, what is it that stops us from doing this?

[Lulu]

I think *we all take ourselves too seriously and don't laugh enough. I believe we sometimes overthink stuff.
Most of the time things are the way they are, just because that's the way they are. I have ceased to stress about why people do things or why the world sucks sometimes. It just IS.
That's certainly not to say I don't give a toss, cos I do. I think acceptance is the path to freedom and laughter is the secret....

just my 10 cents..!

[Inanna]

Wise words from Lulu - I agree down to a t...

[Malyna]

great threat flowerchild.

No comments at the moment, have got a wiggly baby on my lap - but our feelings/emotions are the only thing we truly own.

[Jennifer13]

I am reading Byron Katie atm and it does resonate with some of my own learnings from my life experience. I didn't realise it was a 'philosophy' as such! But I am being educated on how far it can extend.

I remember in my late teens looking at my past (I was abused by my father, went to court and he went to jail) and thinking "I can either let this affect whether or not I trust anyone ever again or I can decide that I don't want to live my life like that and let it go". So I did. Completely. I don't think anyone believes me when I say honestly that I don't have any negative feelings about anything associated with the abuse. I can still hate that everything happened and the way that the whole court system operated on an intellectual level, but I really don't feel it in my heart. And when you take a decision like that about something so big (and I can extend this then to my mother, with whom I had a very difficult relationship with until I just accepted, forgave and rebuilt it), then it tends to carry across to other aspects of your life.

None of the counselling, etc, really made much of an impact at the time on me, it was one small line in a book about memory of which the gist was that many people can experience the same thing (in childhood, like starting school) but it's how we perceive the event to have occurred that affects the way we feel about it and any possible ongoing trauma. And that we have the power to go back and change our perceptions about memory. I know this gets off the track of responsibility, but in some ways I think it completely relates to the fact that we are responsible for even our own memories!

Don't know if that makes any sense, but that's how it happened for me.