I am reading Byron Katie atm and it does resonate with some of my own learnings from my life experience. I didn't realise it was a 'philosophy' as such! But I am being educated on how far it can extend.
I remember in my late teens looking at my past (I was abused by my father, went to court and he went to jail) and thinking "I can either let this affect whether or not I trust anyone ever again or I can decide that I don't want to live my life like that and let it go". So I did. Completely. I don't think anyone believes me when I say honestly that I don't have any negative feelings about anything associated with the abuse. I can still hate that everything happened and the way that the whole court system operated on an intellectual level, but I really don't feel it in my heart. And when you take a decision like that about something so big (and I can extend this then to my mother, with whom I had a very difficult relationship with until I just accepted, forgave and rebuilt it), then it tends to carry across to other aspects of your life.
None of the counselling, etc, really made much of an impact at the time on me, it was one small line in a book about memory of which the gist was that many people can experience the same thing (in childhood, like starting school) but it's how we perceive the event to have occurred that affects the way we feel about it and any possible ongoing trauma. And that we have the power to go back and change our perceptions about memory. I know this gets off the track of responsibility, but in some ways I think it completely relates to the fact that we are responsible for even our own memories!
Don't know if that makes any sense, but that's how it happened for me.
I've just started reading A New Earth, and so i'm really glad you've started this thread Flowerchild. I'm only a few pages in, and already i'm approaching situations in a different manner. I will often see a couple of friends chatting together, and sometimes think 'they're talking about me - saying nasty things". Now when those thoughts enter my head i say to my ego -'get over yourself, you've not done anything to warrant being talked about, and if they are talking about you - that is their issue and it's probably coming from their own egos.
I think i could probably learn alot from you Flowerchild. Will you be my guru???????
Jennifer13 - I have a similar philosophy - domestic violence for 10 years and had to decide whether I would let it (PTSD) rule the rest of my life or take control of it.
I had trouble with A new Earth - I felt that he was rehashing things that previous authors had discussed. I tend not to stick to any one particular philosophy, but instead let signs in my life show lead me towards what I need... so I've gone through the following texts:
Bhagavad Gita
Caroline Myss - The castle within
St Teresa's books - The maisons (which are really hard to read and you have to be in the zone)
Buddhism - various books Dali Lama
Jack Kornfield - After the estacy the laundry and a path with heart.
Tenzin Palmo - A cave in the snow and reflections on a mountain lake.
What the bleep (the movie)
Cosmology books
Gaia books
A whole stack of spiritual books
Sorry off topic....but for me its a conscious decision and sometimes its a difficult one, and a difficult road to travel at times.
Just briefly (my boys are being quite noisy ATM) I'll have to come back later... but essentially I think that much conflict in the world could be resolved if people considered the benefits of taking responsibility for their emotions (which are not always appropriate or helpful). Emotions do not always have lives of their own... you don't have to say "well I can't help how I feel". People often can.... and would be a lot happier if they could. I'm not saying I can always control mine! Like FC I too find it incredibly difficult to always modify my emotions but I aspire to it... because I know that when I do I often feel a lot more at peace with my self and my world. I know, for example, if I didn't choose to avoid hating certain people in my life that that hate would consume me... so for my own sanity I choose a different emotion: hard to explain but it's more like an acceptance of what has happened and an acknowledgement that as awful as what it was it has made me the person who i am today (who due to to the events I think have a lot more empathy for other people than if I hadn't endured them). So due to at least one significant success (in avoiding a life hating = pain) I am very keen to learn more. I'll look into those people you mentioned Deb... thankyou for starting this thread I'll be back!
I too, follow the beliefs/philosophies of the Buddhism teachings. I try very hard to live my life following these beliefs but i'm not very good at it some times, and like everyone, would always like to improve on this. I think it's a lifelong journey in self discovery and I think would take many, many years of practising to get it right too and even then there is always more to learn iykwim.
There is a wonderful quote that relates to this topic of owning your own feelings and that is "Holding onto anger is like grasping onto a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You are the one who gets burned." (Gautama Buddha).... how very true this is.
I believe you are giving others the power to own your feelings too when you allow yourself to react or get upset or offended by something they have said either directly said to you or indirectly. WE need to own our own feelings, and hold the power.
I'm currently reading "Buddhism for Mothers" by Sarah Napthali.
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