Laziness

[Fleur]

Also I know part of it for me is the repetiveness of it all! Everyday unload the dishwasher, hang out the washing, tidy etc. It is boring, and the results barely last.

Absolutely this was the problem for me. I got nothing out of it personally, nor was there any sense of acheivement where I could look at what I had done - becasue it never lasted!

I don't know... do I wait for something to engage me... or do I rock the boat and seek engagement even if it's not in line with what DH wants? Everyone else is happy in our family... if I change anything then I know I would have to deal with the fallout... ugh... guess everything will just have to stay as it is.

That's really rough... how often do women sacrifice what will make them happy & engaged in life for the sake of their family? I know I would probably do the same... but it's sad, isn't it?
Is there something else you can do that won't rock the boat?

[helle]

So... can anyone else see a link between being lazy and disengaged?

Yep, but while most here are SAHM and wanting to get back out in the workforce, or find themselves an outlet from being at home all day, I'm completely oposite.

My job does not hold my interest anymore. I hate it. I could sit here all day and just glare at the computer screen in hopes that it would shatter and do absolutely no work at all, and on some days I have really only done the bare minimum. I know that this is seen as laziness by one co-worker in particular, but I don't care about that either

But I'm not lazy, I'm really freaking uninterested and I just do not care for or about my job anymore. I am totally and absolutely 100% disengaged. I am very much at a stage were I'm ready to be a mum and devote all my time and energy on caring for my child and looking after my DF. I want to be a house wife and I want my baby and I hate that it will be a total of 13 months of pregnancy for me to finally have what I want. I can't do anything else proactive other than sit here and wait for my bundle to cook.

Humph.

Baths, I love your brain. Thanks for letting me vent

[Bathsheba]

Awww Ta Teagz My brain has it's good and bad aspects LOL They say "thinking can kill you just like a disease" and if it wasn't for BB and being able to get my thoughts "out" I think I would infact go crazy! LOL

Jasp: There have been a few projects I have toyed with that could engage me without disrupting the family. I think I need to work out how to weave them into my life more securely... I want them to consume me (they could also make me a bit of money if I could get them off the ground, I'm certain of it...) it's just a matter of working out how to stop my other issues getting me down... in a very similar sense that Astrid is feeling down chicky.

[anney]

Hi Bath,
So often we see on BB, something like the phrase Happy mother = happy house but what you said here, I think is absolutely correct -

Everyone else is happy in our family... if I change anything then I know I would have to deal with the fallout... ugh... guess everything will just have to stay as it is.

I think mothers do put some of their own needs to one side, to keep the family happy. And when you are continually putting aside some of your needs then something is bound to "give", and with you it is feeling this disengagement. Certainly not laziness - anyone that keeps a house and the lives of 5 people running is definitely not lazy.
Is it partly a winter thing too? I know I feel less engaged in winter - just find the sun more motivating for some reason. I think if I were you, I would start making plans for the time in the future that you are able to do more for yourself.
Astrid - I could have written your post exactly!!!!

[Bathsheba]

Funnily enough I love cold weather... I'm dreading the heat! This is because of my hyperactive thyroid though (and genetic predisposition, my dads' side of the family are all the same). I'm even LAZIER in summer!!!

I do have one plan: French language lessons on a Saturday morning. DH gives his full support... he agrees I need the mental stimulation. I'm the kind of person who also does well in groups... I can really focus when in a formal learning situation.

I also thrive when under pressure... I am really excellent when things have a deadline... my powers of time management are heightened when there is the possibility that I won't be able to complete it in time. I had a rental inspection recently... and my! i was able to do soooo much despite leaving the cleaning to the last minute. I really struggle with having no deadline. Despite the house being chaotic and the kids running rampant every morning we are very rarely late for the school run... infact we are more often early.... and I don't even drive... I have to walk 1.5km. There are families that live closer and drive and are regularly late. This is one thing I am proud of being able to do i guess.

[Phteven]

I do have one plan: French language lessons on a Saturday morning. DH gives his full support... he agrees I need the mental stimulation. I'm the kind of person who also does well in groups... I can really focus when in a formal learning situation.

Do it! I do French every Saturday morning and it's the highlight of my week. Same for most of my classmates - they're such a diverse bunch but for all of us Saturday morning is just a total break in our routine.

I'm already thinking of a trip to Japan after our French sojourn and it's partly because I would have a chance to do Japanese lessons lol.

As for laziness, I don't think that I'm lazy. I'm just very cerebral - I really have to push myself to do housework because it provides me with zero mental stimulus. On the other hand I never ever had the problems with researching essays that my classmates had - research is a pleasure to me and even though I'm no longer in any formal education I still find myself reading every book I can lay my hands on about any topic that catches my interest.

[Astrid]

Anney - yes sunlight is a huge factor. You see me when the sun comes out and then goes behind a cloud every 15 minutes. I rush around and get something started, only to fall in a heap when the clouds come.

I was also one often accused of being lazy when I was younger, I was never good enough or did a good enough job.

Interruptions are one of my killers to motivation, but I have posted about that before.

[Bathsheba]

Ah interruptions! I'd like to explore this too! Is it possible that some people have really long attention spans and that constant interruptions can be really debilitating??? I think so. As a kid I had the ability to focus on either a book or a drawing for hours and was always frustrated by kids that got bored easily and wanted to do something else... so often I needed to play alone to really enjoy myself.
I can get more out of company now but i still need to be able to concentrate on something for longer times than most people. You can see this in how I won't let go of threads... I want to hash out every detail. LOL

I actaully like tasks like mopping the floor, ironing etc. Jobs that take a long time... BUT if i can't do the job deep in thought then I HATE doing it...and won't do it.

When DH minds the kids i can spend literally all day weeding. I am not lazy but I need the luxury of working and being able to think. A SAHM doesn't often get this perfect combination.

[Rouge]

For me laziness is often a reflection of how happy I am.

If I'm happy I am springing around you'd swear I was channeling Snow White... I also like to wake up earlier and enjoy the day. I want to LIVE life. Not just do life. ATM I'm pretty busy, I'm also pretty happy and my rut seems to be passing. I have also just changed medications which has definitely improved my energy levels but overall I think my happiness is helping me to be active.

[MantaRay]

I agree with you Bath when you say that you don't believe in inherent laziness. This is something I've been thinking about as well. Often when people appear lazy there is an underlying cause. Perhaps it's disengagement, depression, or a physical issue such as thyroid function. In my DS's case we used to wonder why he got tired so easily and now we know he has low muscle tone and this means that every movement he makes is more tiring than it is for others. No wonder he gets tired more easily - especially when walking a lot etc. What might be perceived as laziness is actually almost the reverse - having to put more effort in to do less.

In your situation, I can well understand your need for a change. Is there something you can do to make this happen without actually moving or going back to work? Take up a new hobby, study, find some volunteer work which would interest you? Redecorate? Start a new garden? Rearrange your furniture and change your daily routines around? Something that seems like a bit of a fresh start and will be motivating?

I hope something works out for you soon.

[Bathsheba]

Thanks Manta Yep, going from the high degree of engagement I got from doing the Red Cross course earlier this year I think short courses are the go! LOL at moving furniture... DH hates it when i do that... he likes everything to pretty much stay the same... he grew up in the same house that his parents lived in their whole life... his whole family is VERY adverse to change. I am the opposite. Change motivates me. I've put in a vegie garden and am about to go check it out actually. Even though we rent the owners are very happy for us to live in this house as if it's our own... we are allowed to paint and wallpapaer... and I'm hoping to do that when it warms up so I can air the house out. Thanks for the suggestions

Rouge: yes, happiness is a factor. But I'm generally only happy if I can centre myself from time to time and becoming deeply engrossed in things helps me to centre. I can also feel ok about just dropping everyting and play with the kids... this makes me happy... but even after doing that the task of getting the things I need to do is just too daunting.

It's a bit like trying to ride a bike slooooowly... it's actually harder than riding at a good speed... if you are forced to ride too slow you just fall off.

[Astrid]

Yes Bath, I am also better with a deadline, even if I do leave it till last minute. Had a coffee morning here the other day and got a heap done cleaning wise, a normal week the house would have been a disaster zone.

Ok, think about it, most of my problem is I think too much. I go over and over in my head trying to work out the better way to do things. I don't just fold the washing, I think about should I just grab the first thing and fold it, or should I hunt through and fold all the towels first. With a deadline in place there is little time to think, so I just go on auto pilot. If I am riled I am thinking about that problem, not about the cleaning. Probably explains why I like to be on the phone when I am cleaning, action without thought.