I think calling it...

What I say is: "Are you having a go at me'? "I hear you say it doesn't matter what colour the cake is but I am wondering what colour you would like it to be"? Try & ask questions that have a one word answer...

Also, try only asking the questions when others are present... This way you cannot be painted/misrepresented...

I used to say: "I hear you see it like abc - I see it like xyz - so we are seeing it quite differently...

However, I am rethinking this and how I feel about it...

I am sure others will have some ideas